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Need Help - Connecting with the Guru...

Discussion in 'Questions and Answers' started by Parrup, Mar 19, 2013.

  1. Parrup

    Parrup
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    I was born and raised in a Sikh family, and have tons of love and respect for Guru Maharaj! Babaji has blessed me with a lot in life!!! I have everything!!!

    I love listening to kirtan, and would always have it on even when i was studying, driving or working!!! There was a time i would do Nitnem without greed and bartering with God!!!

    All cahanged for me last year!!! I started looking for work 2 years ago and a year in job serach with no progress i started getting depressed!!! This where my faith and realtionship with Babaji started going downhill!!!!

    1) i just can't pray anymore without expecting something good happen on my job serach!!! So at times i feel so guilty i just stop praying!!!
    2) i have faith in Babji, but why do i find it so difficult to accept his will!!!
    3) i am not thankless for what he has given me, and he has given me a lot, husband, son family, financial security. Am i wrong for asking more. If he is data of everything! Where else xan i go and who else should I ask!!!

    I am torn between my faith, my love for Baaji and my need to survive in this world!!!! All i want is to be able to paath the way i used to!! Because i wanted to do it, now it is like a trade between me and babaji!!! I want to stop but i can't!!!

    This could be my letter to Babaji!!! Hoping he will answer me through the sangat!!! Help me love him unconditionaly again, without demands, fights and tears:)
     
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  3. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Re: Need Help

    Bhenji

    welcome to the forum, I am sorry to hear of your problem.

    Actually, it is not really a problem, look upon it as an awakening. For years you have bartered with God, made deals, made promises, and you have felt you have been rewarded, that you have a real personal relationship with God, that God loves you, and as long as you do the things that you do, God will reward you with whatever it is you want. I went through such a phase in my mid twenties, after all, it had worked for years, why should it stop working?

    well it did stop working, I lost everything, and I blamed God, it was at that point I started to view God as something bigger than just a deity to make my dreams come true, i spent 15 years rejecting God, but living a good life, being helpful, kind, considerate, not to please God, or to make a deal, or to get something out of it, but purely because I had tried being everything else. After 15 years, I realised that instead of talking to God, I should be talking to Creation, and then I saw that God truly was in all Creation, in all animals, in all people, and that my place on this earth was not to fulfill my own selfish needs, but to be at peace with what I had, I still strive for goals, I am a sucker for old Land Rovers, and I love my food, but I would not dirty the relationship I have with Creator for asking anything other than I am given, or that I work for.

    You have turned God into an all giving God, a God whose role is to reward you for your devotion with the reality of your desires, this may be how God works in some religions, but not in Sikhism. I think you guys need to take a break from each other, the whole relationship is bad, its like a marriage based on sex and sex alone, it doesnt work, you need to review your expectations, and your image of God, you need to turn God from an all giving diety to a concept that you serve, the name of God in Sikhism is the truth, and it is the truth you need to fall in love with, not a personal Jesus.

    Praying and doing path I am sure has its merits, but I will leave that to someone more able to guide you on that front than myself, perhaps if you apply yourself and keep God out of your own desires and wants, you will find the relationship changing, if you accept whatever outcome based on your actions rather than your prayers, you may find it easier.

    Good Luck
     
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  4. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    Re: Need Help

    Satnaam Ji,

    I had a similar time in my own life when i had completed 2 degrees...my business failed...i fell out with my good friend (also business partner) and couldnt find a job....
    I felt i had let my family down...felt embarassed that even with 2 degrees i couldtn find a job.

    in my 'Dukh/pain and depression' i literrally cried from deep in my heart....it was one prayer i will never forget.

    mind was worrying about work....heart was calling out to God...

    remember ji, in these times it is so important to remember what we have with us rather that what we don;t have. I had a supportive family...great friends..you seem to have a great family also.

    Use this time wisely..keep looking for work but try to do some simran..it will help to relieve your stress and even though many think it doesnt have its effects...belive me it really does if done with love.

    find a quiet place...close your eyes....take 3-4 deep slow breathes...
    do your mool manter with love (in your mind) and enjoy the silence...
    and when your mind starts taking you elsewhere...learn to ignore it and return to your mool manter...
    or recite 'satnaam' 'waheguru in yor mind...up to you.

    if you can do this during your pains...you will be doing this also through your good days...and then regadless of the ups and downs in life...you'll know you can always get the support of god deep with yourself.


    god bless ji.
     
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  5. singhbj

    singhbj
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    Re: Need Help

    Waheguru ji ka Khalsa
    Waheguru ji ki fateh

    It could be

    ਸੇਵਾ ਥੋਰੀ ਮਾਗਨੁ ਬਹੁਤਾ ॥

    Saevaa Thhoree Maagan Bahuthaa ||

    सेवा थोरी मागनु बहुता ॥

    Service is little, but demands are great.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Will suggest that you increase the quantity & quality of Seva.

    For best results do Seva in all 3 forms tan-man-dhun.

    Waheguru ji ka Khalsa
    Waheguru ji ki fateh
     
  6. Ishna

    Ishna
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    Re: Need Help

    Sat Sri Akaal Ji

    I'm not sure how you are torn between your faith and the need to survive in the world? Your need to survive will persist with or without you having a connection to Guruji. Your circumstances will not change, you will just be disconnected from that Ocean within which brings peace.

    I'm with Harryji on this 100% - your actions will yield material rewards, not your prayers.

    I hope you're able to break the habit you're in because it doesn't sound like a very nice place to be. :motherlove: I do hope you find employment soon.

    I'm also reminded of the first sentence on this ang (not 'Fifth mehla' either, the next one down hehe). Does that help motivate you to stop bartering for material things?
     
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    #5 Ishna, Mar 19, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2013
  7. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Re: Need Help

    I despair of anyone doing seva in all 3 forms for the sole purpose of best results.

    Increasing quantity and quality of seva should come from love, not from a hedging of bets to get what you want.
     
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  8. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    Re: Need Help

    Satnaam ji,

    also, your faith is your boat to survive the terrifying world ocean as described in gurbani.
    Look deep into every situation in your life...remember god is the cause of causes...see what message he is trying to get across to you...

    which of your 5 thieves (ego, anger, lust, greed, desires) he is flaring up inside of you through the outer life situation...

    step back...think...oh my god...i didnt realise i had all these un-fulfilled desires...i didnt realise i had all these demands...i didint realise that even though i have so much i still long for even more...

    this is how we progress spiritually...rather than get upset at the situation...see what the situation is showing you about yourself...this is all that matters

    thoo karathaa aap abhul hai bhulan vich naahee ||
    O Creator Lord, You Yourself are infallible; You never make mistakes.

    thoo karehi s sachae bhalaa hai gur sabadh bujhaahee ||
    Whatever You do is good, O True Lord; this understanding is obtained through the Word of the Guru's Shabad.
    http://www.sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=1132

    now that you know more about yourself...thanks god in your ardaas for showing you this...and then make a promise to yourself that whenever you get a thought for 'wanting' something....that you will 'give' instead..

    tell your family you love them...give some charity...
    a helping hand to a freind or a neighbour...take the focus off yourself and move it to others around you...put some bread out for the birds...anything..

    life will bring about changes and eventually you will get a job...it's how you spend the so called difficult times...do you complain? or do you 'self analyze' and come out of your mental storm a better person for it?

    God bless ji...keep your head up...and self analyze...thats the key to the universe...
     
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  9. arshdeep88

    arshdeep88 India
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    Re: Need Help

    sat sri akal ji
    well first of all cut of your relationship with god just because of the desires and expectations,if you stop doing path and prayers i assure you it wont create a difference in GODS Majesty
    think about the breaths that you are having ?what if those breaths are not there?
    be thankful for those breaths that God almighty is providing you
    Did our Gurus too not been through rough times? take an inspiration out of their lives.
    If today some of the desires get fulfilled than again your relationship will thrive and in future again if desires don't get fulfilled again your faith will decrease and so on

    troubles comes to everybody's life,pains and sufferings moulds a person for the better,
    changes you character ,makes you stronger than yesterday ,see it as a test of your character and mind,GOD is above desires and sufferings ,take him out of the situations and pray only to god to give you the strength to overcome sufferings and bad time.i personally feel its ok if you dont do paath ,instead you can do shabad vichaar of the paaths you use to do and get deep with those shabads and try finding real meaning of those shabads ,trust me it can change lives
    few are such
    "Vin bolea Sabh Kich Jaanda" he knows everything inside the heart without us even mentioning , "Mann Jeete Jag Jeet" whoso ever conquered his mind conquered the world so conquer your fears,conquer your sorrows and you will find bliss

    i am sure one day your patience and fight against all odds will bear fruits as they say "Bhagwan Ke Ghar Der Hai Andher Nahi" and i am also sure that this time will make your relationship with him stronger and make you learn a lot

    In this time too you can do a lot sewa ,see around the people who may even have less than you or might be more stressful around you ,this will make you feel light at heart and feel that you are not the only one and then you can take your sufferings more strongly and as above many said take it as your awakening as it might make your relationship with god more stronger than before and enlighten you more.
    Bhul Chuk Maaf Karna Ji
     
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    #8 arshdeep88, Mar 19, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2013
  10. Parrup

    Parrup
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    Re: Need Help

    First a big thank you to all of you for reaching out to help me!!! Alll of you are right on some things!!! I have done some seva, not quite a lot!! Have given dasvand when i did earn, but after moving to US i find difficult to fit in this new form of Gurudwaras here!!!! I have always attributed all that i have got to God!!!! A great education, family, financial security, and above all a relationship with him!! I value the fact that he has blessed me with name, given me a place in his house where i have his darshan every day!!!

    I came to this forum because its during this tough I did realize how shallow my relationship with him is!!! Neither am I proud of it nor happy!!! That is why i am here!!!! I agree with you all that i have unconsciously seen Babaji only as Data when he is so much more!!! What is hurting me is the fact that i have this bad relationship with him and how do i change it!! I don't want to stop doing path because that leaves me feeling empty and unfulfilled. Please don't see me as some big Sikh who thrives on path. When i do path i can barely concentrate for two minutes!!! My mind is all over the place, specially now!!! But doing path makes me feel like i am holding on to my last thread to him and if i let go I will lose him completely!!!!

    Please help me to find more ways to connect with him! I am thankful to you guys for encouraging me to do Simran, its tough to find two mins to myself with a two year old!! But i pick a shabad every day and try to recite it in my surti all day long! At least all the time i remember!!! Now on I am going to find time to do sit down and do Simran!!!!

    Thank you again for trying to help a Papi like me!!! May babaji bless you all with his love and grace
    Guru Fateh!!!

    PS: you guys are right about my bargains with God!! Here is a fun list of my Dramas with Babaji

    1) i will do 40 sukhmani sahib/ 5 dukhbanjani / 250 Japaji Sahib
    2) refuse to cut my facial hair during the time of zid!! And give in at the first sign of things getting better!!!!!
    3) thankfully i lovemy kesh and would never think about cutting them!!!
    4) not to forget my big list of akhand path sukhna!!!!

    Oh Babaji you must be sick of me by now :((
     
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  11. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    Re: Need Help


    All i can say is do your simran..it will relax you and help with any mental stress.

    serve the people around you as best you can out of love (this is serving God)...he doesnt want you praying and begging for stuff, he wants you to be useful to the people around you in a positive loving manner.

    count the blessings that you have...and for each on on your list thank god from deep in your heart for all of them...focus on them...

    be contempt with what you have...savour it...be thankfull for it.
    hopes and desires lead to stress in the illusion of a future...

    only the present ever exists...all else is illusion...

    say to god "thank you for showing me the pain and hurt when my hopes and desires have not been fulfilled, this is what i needed at this point in my life...if i get a job (or anything else) i will appreciate those things more now that i have experienced not having them" it's all for our spiritual evolution.

    don;t be upset with yourself...the fact that you're here stating all this is part of the 'awakening' from this life situation...you realise what you're doing is probably not right, and you're 'seeking' to become better out of it..

    :)
     
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  12. Aisha

    Aisha
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    Re: Need Help

    Okay I am not Sikh but I will try to give my answer from a Sikhi perspective, I apologize in advance if I make any mistakes.

    First of all, I think a large cause of your anxiety is your image of Waheguru Ji, and the qualities that you attribute to Him. In Sikhi, God is not separate from his creation, He is a part of it. He does not sit somewhere far up in the sky, detached from this world, recording everything that you do and then carrying on forward based on whether He likes you or not. He is in you and in me and in everything else, so there is no point in making deals with Him because that is not the way He works. No one is asking you to stop doing Path either, its just that I feel your feelings are misplaced. You say you do it because you feel it is the only thing that keeps you connected to Him. How can that be when he is flowing through you right now and will always be with you? A wave is never separate from the ocean, no matter how big or small it gets, which direction it goes off into, it will always be connected to the source.

    Furthermore, your second post sounds quite depressing, especially the part where you say "Oh Babaji you must be sick of me by now" and you call yourself a sinner. The very first thing in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, the Mool Mantar, reads "One Universal Creator God. The Name Is Truth. Creative Being Personified. No Fear. No Hatred. Image Of The Undying, Beyond Birth, Self-Existent. By Guru's Grace ~".

    Guru Ji can never hate you or anyone else, as that is not in His nature. I remember being at the Gurdwara a couple months ago, and this Kaur was giving a lecture up on stage in the prayer room, talking about Waheguru Ji. I am paraphrasing, but she said something along the lines of "If you make a mistake, your mother will forgive you. If you do it again, she will be irritated. If you keep making mistakes, eventually she will get angry to the point where she no longer trusts and loses faith in you. But you could make a million mistakes, and your Guru will always be there, with his arms open and smile on his face, waiting for you to return back to Him. He will never get mad, He will never be irritated. He loves you unconditionally, just like He loves all his children unconditionally, and will never give up on you, no matter how far you deteriorate or the number of mistakes you make. If you take one step towards your Guru, your Guru will take 100 steps towards you."

    So you see, you should not feel like your (in your mind) constant errors are somehow driving you away from God. Yes, you should try to make amends and change your habits, but God will never get "tired" of you. Heck, the fact that it makes you as sad as it does, driving you to the point where you came onto a public forum like this one to ask strangers for help, shows that you ARE taking that one step toward your Guru, and in return, He will take many more towards you, you just have to recognize them.

    And one of them is, I believe, your acknowledgment that your relationship with God is based on false pretenses; you cannot make deals with God. That is a positive. Another positive is that you have vowed to start doing Simran on a regular basis, that can only be a good thing in my eyes.

    I wish I could tell you a way to make your problems go away, tell you that if you did an hour of prayer everyday, 2 hours of sewa everyday, that all your worries would magically disappear. But I can't, for two reasons. The first one is that everything that happens is the hukam of Waheguru Ji, I am in no position to tell you for sure what will and will not work for you. The second is that by telling you to pray or do sewa, I feel it would be no different to verbally asking God for what you want in exchange for acts of devotion, and as Harry Ji pointed out, sewa in all forms should be done out of love, not because you want something for it.

    Basically, all you can do is accept that this is the will of God and try and move on with your life. You could continue to make deals with God, but it won't do you much good. Does Waheguru Ji hate the person who prays to an idol or observes fasts? Of course not, Sikhi doesn't teach hatred, it simply states that those things are useless and unnecessary. You could continue asking God to make it all go away in exchange for sewa, God won't hate you for it, just do not expect your prayers to be answered. I think Sikhi is about action, doing what we need to do to get by instead of always relying on God to do it for us. That is why truthful living and Vand Chakko are so important, it is up to humanity to work towards a better future, God is not going to come out of the sky and do it for us. You have to EARN what you have, I have never seen a Sikh beg, everything needs to be worked for, that is what Sikhi says right?

    Anyways, stay in char di kala because nothing lasts forever, your situation will get better regardless of whether you continue to make deals with God or not, just use this time as an opportunity to fix your relationship with Him, because that is the most important thing of all.

    Good luck, and Sat Sri Akal :happykudi:
     
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  13. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    Re: Need Help

    freaky, i was thinking the same thing whilst driving into work and you've written the same thing...lol :)

    this is the biggest thing which affects the 'masses' ...no matter how many readings of the SGGS ji, no matter how many times it repeats over and over that we are not seperate to god...that he is not sat somewhere waiting for our prayer, sat on a cloud etc...people just cannot remove this boundary of 'you' and 'me' caused by the ego...thats why ego is stated as the biggest obstavcle to experiencing god.

    Thank you for writing the above article...especially as you're from a non-sikh perpective :) the word sikh...or the path of sikhi should be without boundaried created by the word religion...and you are a true sikh 'seeker of the truth' in the eyes of God.

    My prayers and meditations and Simran changed from thinking outside...to being with god within, and thats when true miracles start to happen :)

    god bless..
     
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  14. Ikk Khalsa

    Ikk Khalsa
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    Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

    This is very common problem with us human beings nowdays. When we do something, we want something back for it. We go to work, we get pay cheque and we expect same from Waheguru. Doing path or seva not for peace of mind or serving humanity but to want something back from Wheguru; how selfish have we become? And its funny how we under estimate Waheguru, like he doesnt already know whats going through your mind? Just thank Waheguru for whatever you have. Guru Nanak Dev Ji had everything at home (he belonged to rich family) and he left his home to wake other people up and teach them how to live their lives. Guru Gobind Singh Ji lost all his family and he never complained to Waheguru. I hope you got my point:interestedsingh:.
     
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  15. Prabjyot Kaur

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    Guru Fateh Bhanji!

    I am so glad you figured it all out. You are around a great sangat of SPN, welcome!!

    Along with reciting paath, make it a habit to understand one shabad/one tuk each day & do ardaas to be able to live it in your life. Also, each morning when you wake up, sit in your bed, remind yourself of what you have & say shukrane di ardaas.

    BTW, why are you looking for job with 2 year old at home? Isn't she/he a complete job in itself? Now I know why Baba ji does not bless you with another one...hehe

    Be kind to yourself, do as much as you can & when you can. Just remember Him with every breath. Raising His child that He has entrusted you with is also SEWA. Enjoy and love your baby, be a happy and healthy mom that every child deserves. There is whole life ahead of you to take care of you career. Concentrate on what you have now, thank Him and do ardaas that you can sambhaalo His daatanthat He has blessed you with rather than seeking more. Connect to Him through your child.
    :kudihug:
    Guru Raakha!
     
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  16. Parrup

    Parrup
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    Thanks Prabhjot for your sweet post !!! It was as effective( rather more) than the others!!! I am trying really hard to find a balance right now!! I beleive we all have a personal relationship with God ( it might be based on how mature we are spiritually and changes accordingly with time) For me the struggle right is NOT to ask Babaji for anything!!! And be content with the world he has given me!!

    Today was a very hard day!! I got a rejection letter where i had a great interview and was almost assured of the job!!! It was challange not to ask Babaji why he did it!!! It was fight within to go to Babji's rooom and ask for strength to accept his decision!!! I am still asking him, but may be for something more important, his love and his faith!! The first few hours were tough!! I sat in front of him and cried!!! But kept asking for strength to accept his decsions!! This could be the start of a new journey with him!!!

    I agree with what the sangat is telling me, but today proved it will not be easy!! But i need to keep trying!! I was trying to do Rehras Sahib and could not complete it beacuse I was so angry!! For not being able to ask!! But right now!!! With every passing minute I am feeling so much better and getting closer to accepting his decision and moving on to find the next job!!!

    If something good has to come out of this stuggle all I am ASKING babaji is for faith and acceptance!!! Bani and his love!!! No matter what only he can give it to me and help me find this within me!!!!

    PS: i want another baby, but without a job can't afford to have one!! But my Son is truly Babaji's biggest blessings!! Spcially when he sneaks into babaji's room and does Chaur with the loudest WAHeGURU in the world:))
     
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  17. Luckysingh

    Luckysingh Canada
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    Think of this time as when you are not working since you are looking for employment as a blessing itself.

    Try and see it as a blessing from the Lord so that in this time for self, you can fix yourself for the better !
    In years to come, you want to look back and be glas you had this free time to 'sort and fix' things for your own self development.
     
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  18. Parrup

    Parrup
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    Aisha you remind me of a friend of mine!!! She herself is going through a very tough time on personal front, but has taken a shelter in Allah's name, focusing all her energy in learning Arabic, taking kuran classses!! I have seen hee change so much over the years, both on the inside and out!! I could never understand this before, because i had never seen bad times. She almost went through the same process and enouraged me to do the same thing: Acceptance of his will!!

    I agree with what you are saying!! But I was blessed with what ever I wanted even before I asked!! This time when my Dad ( Babji) decided to put me into time out I panicked, like any child does!!! I am hoping I will come out stronger and a better person, with a better realtionship with Babaji. I am trying to find my Job, but i have beleived that you can try ( you can plant the seed, but you can't give life, that is Babji's desire) but I will not find a job till he wants me to!! I am doing applications, networking, interviews!! I asked him when everything failed!! I had no idea what to do!!! I still think that is fair enough!! What i know was WRONG was my deal making!!! And now i have promised to restrict it to most important things: his naam, his love and gur sikhi for me and my son!! Beacuse he is my protector and my care taker, and the only tureone i need to turn in despair, for strength to carry on and healing!!!!

    The more i think the more i realize that its ok to ASK!! Its wrong to demand and make deals!!

    How could i forget this when i had heard the sakhi of Mata Gangaji and Baba buddha ji!! How Guru Arjan Dev ji taught her how to request and ask!!! He is Sabna jiyan ka ik Data!!!!
     
  19. singhbj

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    Waheguru ji ka khalsa
    Waheguru ji ki fateh

    Why do you want a job ?

    Is it for money, to have some time off from infant care or getting away from in-laws.

    Coz if it's for money then you can make it through social contacts.

    Edited. Some of these may be commercial links. I am leaving them for now. Have some concerns. spnadmin

    For example selling products through MLM

    Check out http://www.nexera.com/top25/


    You can also make money online -

    http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/how-to-tech/5-ways-to-make-money-on-internet.htm


    Job Opportunities & Self-Employment Options-

    http://www.worldslastchance.com/wor...pportunities-and-self-employment-options.html


    Waheguru ji ka khalsa
    Waheguru ji ki fateh
     
    #18 singhbj, Mar 21, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2013
  20. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    1947-2014 (Archived)
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    Note:

    Seeking employment through online sites and ventures that promise jobs can be very risky. This is a serious matter. These sites are set up to sell you their services, including memberships to get the so-called best information, books and newsletters. Be careful! They are in business to make money for themselves and often charge subscriptions, dues and fees from people who have no money to speak of. The only ones who get rich are the site owners. And often they do not deliver... in other words, you will end up paying for something and have NO job at the end of the day.


    the HowStuffWorks site may be OK.. the other 2 could be trouble.
     
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  21. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    I remember someone at my college several years ago who used to use the college printers for printing 'Home business starter packs' full of useless information... he used to place an add in the local paper..and people used to send him £50 to receive the pack (which he sent out)...

    always be careful with these kind of services...
     
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