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Man and Woman - The Relationship Blues

Discussion in 'Interfaith Dialogues' started by Neutral Singh, Jan 12, 2005.

  1. Neutral Singh

    Neutral Singh
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    A new sannyasin says she has been living with a man for a year who likes to be with other women also, and she does not know how to handle her jealousy.
    -------------------------------

    It is always difficult for a woman unless she also starts loving people; otherwise it will remain difficult. He cannot be prevented, and to prevent him is ugly also. Then you are destroying his happiness, and if his happiness is destroyed, he will take revenge on you; he will not feel so loving. If you try to dominate him, to prevent him from going here and there, he will feel suffocated.

    The problem is that down the ages man has always lived that way. And woman has never lived that way—for a few reasons. Firstly: in the old days, the problem was the child—if she gets pregnant then she will be in trouble—so it was a question of security, finance, and everything. Secondly: man himself has been teaching woman to be pure, to be virgin, always to love one person. Man has been using a double standard: one standard for the woman another for himself. The woman has to be pure, devoted, surrendered. And man? They say 'Boys are boys.'

    Man has kept all freedom for himself. And he could manage to in the past because the finances were in his hands. So financially he was powerful. He was educated, he had the job. The woman had no job, no education. Her whole world was confined to the house. She had no contacts outside the house, so it was almost impossible to fall in love. At least you need some contacts—only then can you fall in love with somebody. And man has created big China Walls around the woman…. For centuries Mohammedans
    have not even allowed their women's faces to be seen by others. And the woman was not supposed to talk to any man. A long repression—it has gone into the very bones.

    Now things have changed. Now the woman is educated, she can have a job. She is as free as man. She can meet people, she can fall in love, she can enjoy life. The problem of pregnancy is irrelevant now; the pill has been one of the greatest freedoms. But the old mind persists, and it is not a small thing—thousands and thousands of years' conditioning. Your mother and mother's mother and all the women that have preceded you, were all conditioned, and that conditioning has penetrated into you too. So the problem will be there unless you become very conscious and drop it. Only two are the possibilities: one possibility is to go on nagging your friend, as women have been doing down the ages.

    That doesn't help; that simply makes the man feel more repulsed by the woman. The more you nag, the more you throw him into somebody else's embrace, because he becomes tired, bored with you, and he would like to go somewhere and meet somebody who will not nag; and it is a relief. That is not going to help and that is destructive too. The other thing is: become courageous, tell him that if he feels like that, then take note of it—you will
    also move in the same way. There should not be double standards! If he enjoys loving other women then you will enjoy loving other men. You love him but you will love other people too. Just make it clear to him, and immediately if he is afraid, if he himself is a jealous type, either he will say 'I will stop'—but then he is stopping on his own…. Or there is no need to be worried—you start moving also.

    Nothing is wrong in it! I am not saying that he is doing anything wrong. All that I am saying is: there should not be two standards, only one standard for both. And each couple has to decide on a single standard; that is the
    commitment. Either you both decide that you will remain only for each other, monogamous—good, if you both decide willingly, happily, joyously…. If it is not possible—one says 'I would like to keep my freedom'—then you also keep your freedom! Why be miserable? The misery arises because he is having fun and you are just sitting there thinking of him. You also have fun! And this is not a question which is personal only to you. This is going to be the question for every woman in the future. Gather courage! I will help you—these groups and meditations will help you.

    Gather courage, and tell him before you start moving 'This is going to be the case—don't feel jealous of me.' Because men are even more jealous; their male chauvinistic ego feels more hurt: 'My woman making love to somebody else?' They start feeling as if they are not man enough. But then that is his problem. First make it clear that you are to follow a certain standard. When two persons decide to live together, then a certain rule of conduct has to be evolved. When you are alone there is no question of any
    rule of conduct. Just have a rule of the game, but it will be applicable to both the parties.

    Have a good talk with him and make it clear that if he is enjoying, then you are also free. And be free! Freedom needs a little courage, it needs guts, but you will enjoy it. And it is not going to disturb anything in your relationship; it will enhance it. You will stop nagging him. When you yourself start moving with people sometimes, you will stop nagging. In fact that's why women don't move, because then the nagging will be pointless. And they enjoy nagging—it gives them power. If they also move they cannot make the man feel guilty. And to make the man feel guilty gives immense power. But this is wrong. Never make anybody feel guilty. If you love the person, why make him feel guilty? If he likes it this way, let it be this way! You also have a few small love affairs. That will make both of you free from each other. And when love is free and is given out of freedom, it has a totally different quality to it. It has something really beautiful in it.

    Then there is no conflict, no fight, no jealousy, nothing of the sort. There is a calm and quiet, silent, relationship. When you are also moving into a few new loves and he is moving into a few new loves, both are always in a kind of honeymoon; meeting together is always beautiful. Then things never become old and rotten.
     
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  3. Astroboy

    Astroboy Malaysia
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    ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
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    Some people are like a walled-off garden. There is something beautiful inside them, but for some reason the beauty has been locked away....hidden behind a seemingly insurmountable wall. Let's call these non-communicators "porcupines."

    Porcupines don't want to interact with other animals. They just want to be left alone. If you watch a curious young dog attempting to play with a porcupine, everything will be okay as long as the dog and porcupine maintain a discreet distance. But when the playful dog gets too close, he pays a high price. Without warning, the porcupine will embed sharp quills into the tender tissues of the dog's nose and face.

    Many marriages are sabotaged by the porcupine factor--say Robert and Rosemary Barnes in the book "We Need To Talk" (Zondervan). They say that for whatever reasons, one spouse has learned to keep the other at a distance--away from deep personal conversation. If the more communicative spouse enters the porcupine spouse's "personal space," the quills come out. After getting jabbed enough times with these spear-like objects, the more communicative spouse might
    decide that it's senseless to continue going through all that rejection and pain. He or she may then give up trying to communicate on a deeper level simply out of self-preservation.

    The problem with planting thorny hedges around the walls of communication is that things can become emotional--or explosive--at the mere hint of conflict or disagreement. If we don't talk about a problem, we need not admit that there are things in our lives that need work. The best way to avoid talking about a problem is to make discussing it so unpleasant that no one would dare broach the subject with us.

    If one spouse says or does something that causes conflict, there are essentially just two ways to respond. One is to ask for information. "Obviously I have done something that upset you. What can I do to remedy this situation? Teach me to be a better spouse." The other possible response is to build a wall.

    Some people construct walls to avoid having to deal with their feelings of inadequacy. Rather than trying to work things through, some individuals decide that they would rather not admit they feel inadequate about anything.

    A porcupine's response may be to attack when threatened. When not dealt with properly, however, anger can become a raging bull that can gore the ones you love the most. Angry explosions can become more and more volatile...until they begin to occur without much provocation.

    Learn to anticipate when your porcupine spouse is about to start aiming sarcastic barbs to derail a conversation, says Barnes. See them for what they are--not necessarily shots at you, but a method of avoiding in-depth communication. What are some of the more difficult topics of conversation for you and your mate? What do you do to escalate an argument when your porcupine begins to reveal his or her quills? Is there a good time or place to hold discussions that would make your porcupine spouse feel less threatened? Do you need to offer lots of reassurance during the discussion? Ask him/her these questions.

    What's at stake when working through communication problems with a porcupine spouse? The marriage.

    (Source: Porcupine_spouses)

    Any Help Desk on Relationship Problems in Sikhism ? Kindly let me know.
     
  4. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Awpy jwI Awpy mwI Awip suAwmI Awip dyvw ]
    aapae jaanjee aapae maanjee aap suaamee aap dhaevaa ||
    He Himself is the groom's party, and He Himself the bride's party; He Himself is the Lord and Master; He Himself is the Divine Lord.

    So when we fool around, who are we fooling?
     
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  5. Sherab

    Sherab
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    I would like to mention i have love and devotion for my girlfriend, and am not your normal boy.. enough to make my sister shocked that i act more like a girl about my love. (i am straight).

    Point is, Sikhs should be about equality - have the love of a woman in your mind, and your relationship will go great :-D
     
  6. Astroboy

    Astroboy Malaysia
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    ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
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    You Asked..."Why Won't He Commit?"
    Experts and readers answer our members' toughest dating and relationship questions
    By Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.; Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C., and Chelsea Summers

    "I've been in an on-again, off-again relationship with a man for 3+ years. He had been married for 20+ years. I was close friends with him for three years before that. After his separation, we decided to start dating. He was very upfront with me about his desire to date around a bit because he had not been 'out there' for some time and wants to see what he's been missing. We agreed to be nonexclusive (although I've never liked the idea much). I felt he deserved and needed it.

    "Over the last three years, we have taken a couple of short (about a week in length) 'breaks' to step back and reassess our situation. One of us always calls the other and we end up getting back in our 'comfort zone.' We have a great time together, are still great friends, laugh a lot, the sex is great and we do not fight at all. We seem to be extremely compatible.

    "The problem is, he says he loves me but feels he is not 'madly in love' with me like he feels he should be after all this time. He doesn't open up to me and has his walls up (I believe to protect himself from being hurt and intimate with someone again). He's still in the midst of a nasty divorce and custody situation. The problem for me is that I keep getting my feelings hurt, and although I am normally a strong, independent, happy-go-lucky, non-needy person, I find myself being a little needy and pathetic. My question: Should I kick this guy to the curb like I would have done in the past, or give him more time to get where he needs to be? I hate to walk away from someone I am in love with and totally think I could have something much more substantial with."
     
  7. Archived_Member5

    Archived_Member5
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    A generation ago individuals were expected not only to coexist with one another, but with extended family’s, in laws, and sometimes living in one home. This required tact and diplomacy to maintain domestic harmony without ruffling sensitivities, whilst respecting petulant elders, insolent nieces and nephews and frequent visits from aunties and uncles. This method of socialisation produced a stronger breed of resilient and sociable characters.

    In this present age genetic ability to coexist with one another, far removed with extended family’s has become almost a task in itself. Social regression than any advancement to be discerned.
    The notion of being wed to a spouse with a need to court other women does not arise amongst respectability. Parents tend to behave towards others as they would have their own children treated, respectfully and with fidelity. The topic of morality is rarely broached as it involves character, integrity and self discipline.

    If two individuals decide they have gained maturity sufficient to settle down and make a commitment to another then it negates any need for extra marital liaisons. If a need is present then one really should not enter the sanctum of matrimony. The good inspire loyalty and respect whilst the devious tend to be administered a dose of their own poison. Women like to flirt but become insanely resentful when a man behaves in a similar fashion. Between two mature individuals there is respect and trust permitting an echelon of freedom, a luxury afforded to the good. Weaker partners portray a need to dominate to entrench a leading position. One leads follows or embarks upon a path of reconciliation. Conflict arises when neither side care enough to compromise, anger issues and resentment being the major cause of infidelity.

    Men do not indulge or pursue other interests unless they are angry, feel compromised or abused, cheated or unfairly treated. If a woman is seen as being frivolous, a man’s natural reaction is to do likewise. This creates not a perfect relationship but a battle ground and can hardly be called a marriage or relationship. Fidelity, emotional security and freedom are liberties earned through understanding, respect and good conduct. If demanded they provoke a counteractive stance resulting in a battle zone.

    In all relationships a hierarchy is established usually at the outset, where the weaker submits and follows whilst the wiser or stringer leads. Equal relationships built on mutual understanding remains all too rare. Women are expected to submit to male authority until a time in their relationship where they both are fully synchronised and trusted to relax and be truly free and comforted.

    Lesser folk tend to hold lower standards and will cross any issue of matrimony or commitment to acquire what is considered a partner. These social parasites are as a plague upon respectability, the family and matrimony in general. Few such home wreckers two years on are deemed worthy of the huge upheaval caused in breaking partnerships to conjoin with another. Immoral people tend to be loud and brash, on closer inspection aren’t worth the soil they stand upon with regard to moral integrity and trustworthiness.

    Some find it effortless to commit to a good woman or strong man whilst deeming it impossible to place their trust in lightweight fly by nights gaining self worth from destroying or taking what is seen as belonging to another. There is no ability in maintain a relationship resulting in a defensive wanton and immoral lifestyle portrayed as open or free, being anything but given the emotional turmoil or lack of long term happiness to be found in the company of such meandering ingratiates.

    Sanyasan’s by their virtuous nature tend to attract strong spiritual alpha males., men with steadfastness and of honour, nympho’s and muses of a peasant and stray nature, have since time began been the bane and route to destruction of Gods, Great men and matrimony in general. Moral Sanyasans, themselves the bastions of propriety. These muses are at times retained by wicked opponents primarily for this purpose, ensuring the Yogi or Sanyasan are unable to find, as Spiritual Puritans, any dependable spouses or consorts. By association the shameless and lowly muses are elevated and famed whilst she who has a shred of dignity and shamefulness, cannot reconcile her will to such rampant and engineered ignominy. ‘Jis ne keeti sharam, uske putte karam’ as a wise man once advised me. If this lady has embroiled herself in a relationship where her partner has other interests in other women then she should either leave and find someone greater dedicated, or reconcile herself to life with a philanderer if she is able to suffer this trial A man’s or woman in need of pursuing other interest in what are termed open marriages, obviate emotional issues between the two. The worldly and wise know there is little difference between folk generally and it is more challenging to work towards repairing and perfecting a weak relationship than pursuing other venture unconducive to resolving personal issues causing the problem.

    Being a Lady of Honour she should desist from consorting with a man who lies with impure and wanton women, as good moral ladies are unlikely to intrude upon an established union or relationship. To do so is detrimental not only to her self esteem but her Spiritual Purity. It is preferable she discusses his issues, and is dissatisfied should withdraw from the partnership. If life has become one long withdrawing from a partnership where the enemy beset all She loves with their revolting gilded lit swine, then it is better she curse the demon ‘lord’ who has condemned her to such an appalling subsistence and live a lonely life of solitude than be seen as complicit with the underclass plaguing her existence. Life is brutal and insufferable when one is governed not by the spiritual but by such evil demonic forces. Men are such gullible fools and women detestable ***** if opportuned and without fear of capture.

    Fear and insecurity cause individuals to behave in erratic and irrational manner especially if a laid back easy going demeanour is misunderstood as weak. Few harbour a desire to abide with another playing political constant mind games or pushing the bounds of sufferance to unendurable points. Good fortune is finding another with maturity and self confidence to be innately faithful without the other becoming overly conceited in their non interest in such ploys and travails of the insecure, complex or independent minded, free spirited types unlikely to tolerate such impertinence and deceitfulness from another.

    On the premise of reason that The Sanyasan herself is a woman of integrity and faith then she must be seen to act in the interests of her standing and good reputation. If She herself has exhibited signs of lechery or lewdness towards other men, an action her man responds to with frolicking of his own intent, then she must swallow this bitter pill of retribution and seek to make amends and reconcile with her spouse. If her nature be devout and upstanding then this behaviour is entirely unwarranted, however if she has committed a transgression, or God forbid, is herself a flirtatious, lust ridden or licentious woman then she must reap the sins of her deeds as fate decrees. If thoroughly a wise and innocent woman, then a course of action to protect her from such travails should be exacted.

    Spiritual progress requires the strengthening one’s ability to liaise in harmony and build strong relationships with all without need for overt displays of faithfulness, or compromising the self esteem and standing of self or partner. For this to be exacted there must exist respect and understanding in sufficient measure to warrant an ongoing endeavour towards creating and maintain love between married partners in a long standing union.
     
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  8. Archived_Member16

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    The Dos and Don'ts of a Good Marriage

    by Louis McBurney, M.D.

    Commitment. “Commitment” is not a popular word in our culture. Our society emphasizes individual rights, personal freedom and mobility. The idea of giving these up because of dedication to another person or loyalty to a relationship makes a lot of people feel trapped.

    But I don’t think you can have it both ways. You can’t build a divorce-proof marriage and remain unbending toward your personal rights. That doesn’t mean you give up all your freedoms or choices, but it does mean your commitment to the relationship supercedes your individual rights.

    Commitment means putting your spouse’s needs above your own. Studies show that the best indicator of marital well-being is how well each partner feels his or her needs are being met. I’ve found that when I focus only on my needs and forget about my wife, I tend to get irritated and disappointed. I may even begin to imagine how much better off I’d be with a different wife. On the other hand, I feel satisfied when I focus on my wife’s needs and how I can creatively meet them.

    Communication. Someone once said, “Communication is to love as blood is to the body.” Take the blood out of the body and it dies. Take communication away and a relationship dies.

    The kind of communication I’m talking about isn’t just exchanging information; it’s sharing feelings, hurts, joys. That means getting below the surface and examining the hows and whys of daily life.

    But it’s not easy since men and women are different in this area. Research makes it clear that women have greater linguistic abilities than men. Simply stated, she talks more than he. As an adult, she typically expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than her husband and is often irritated by his reluctance to talk. Every knowledgeable marriage counselor will tell you that the inability or unwillingness of husbands to reveal their feelings is one of the chief complaints of wives.

    Like conflict resolution, communication is a learned skill — and it’s often hard work. Time must be reserved for meaningful conversations. Taking walks and going out for dinner are conversation inducers that keep love alive.

    Patience. We live in an instant world — fast foods, cash machines, computer access to information, direct dial communication all over the world.

    The problem is we can’t heat up a marriage in the microwave. Relationships just don’t work that way. Marriage, especially takes time and care to become really beautiful. That means learning patience.

    When you put two people — any two — in the same house, you’re going to have irritations and annoyances. There are times when I think God designed marriage just to teach me patience. My wife doesn’t always respond like I wish she would. And she still expects me to pick up my dirty clothes, be on time for dinner and remember her birthday You’d think that after 30 years of marriage, she would have given up on me. In the meantime I’m considering humoring her a little. Recently I even put my underwear on the floor next to the laundry hamper. I wonder how she’s doing with patience.

    Beyond the day-to-day quirks and foibles you must accept, patience is needed for the long haul. It may take years for you to develop the kind of relationship that’s satisfying to both of you. A lot of people don’t have the patience to wait around for things to evolve. But if you’re willing to sit tight and hang in there, your marriage can be fantastic.

    Strong beliefs. We’re more than a bundle of feelings and physical sensations. There is an inner core of our being, an eternal part of who we are, that represents the deepest, most permanent aspect of marriage. Research shows that couples with strong religious beliefs are far more likely to stay together than those without them. It’s the shared morals and values that hold a husband and wife together. This solid foundation is a fortress against the storms of life. For my wife and me, our Christian faith has been the bedrock of our relationship. In our 30-plus years of marriage, we have consistently turned to the Bible for direction, guidance and comfort.

    Trouble spots

    There are a lot of problems that can cripple or fatally wound a marriage. Here are some of the common ones:

    Relying on feelings rather than commitment. Romantic feelings come and go, and many spouses get nervous when the flame dies down. They begin to doubt their relationship and wonder if they married the wrong person. A lot of those misgivings are fueled by the media, which says any successful relationship must run on high-octane passion.

    You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you think marriage will be one long, steamy love scene. Sometimes it’s pure commitment and persistence that keeps a marriage together. In all marriages there are times when the tingle of romance fades. At those times, commitment is the force that pulls you through.

    Being selfish rather than serving. In today’s world, there are a lot more takers than givers. When two givers do get together, their marriage is usually fantastic. When a giver and a taker marry it’s usually lopsided, out of whack and full of trouble. And the marriage of two takers can crash and burn within a matter of months. Selfishness will damage a marriage, but serving will solidify it.

    Allowing marital drift. In geography class you may have learned about continental drift, where huge “plates” of earth move slowly and imperceptibly in opposite directions. The same thing happens in a lot of marriages. The shift is often so subtle that one day the partners wake up and say “I don’t really know who you are anymore.” And how can you keep from drifting? By talking regularly setting mutual goals for your marriage, planning the future together, playing together, cultivating shared interests and fanning the flame of romance.

    Letting your eyes and heart wander. There’s an old song that said, “I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends loose for the tie that binds. Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” You know that’s an old song, since the idea of loyalty doesn’t crop up in lyrics much anymore. I’ve been around long enough to see how subtly the line between “friends” and “lovers” can be blurred. What begins as a pleasant friendship glides silently across the line. The only way to really avoid those boundary violations is to watch for the early warning signs. If you begin to notice that someone lights up your life a little too much, back off! If you find yourself looking forward to the next time you can be together, cancel it.

    One sure way to ruin your marriage

    The media have done us a great disservice by making a big joke out of affairs and unfaithfulness. By watching TV and movies, you’d think that everybody is hopping from bed to bed — and it’s no big deal. The truth is, however, that sexual infidelity is one of the primary causes of divorce. Even those marriages that do survive infidelity are greatly damaged. Here are some things you can do to stay out of that trap:

    Know the truth. Maximum sexual fulfillment comes in a committed marriage relationship. So if you really want the best, don’t cheat. You’ll be cheating yourself as well as your spouse.

    Build your emotional closeness. The better you get along with each other, the better your sex will be and the less tempting other people will be.

    Confide in your spouse rather than an opposite sex friend. Becoming emotionally intimate makes sexual unfaithfulness an easy step. Most affairs begin as an innocent friendship.

    Guard your thoughts. Don’t risk fantasizing about other romantic attachments. Your actions will tend to follow your thoughts.

    Keep romance alive. Long-term marriage doesn’t have to become dull and boring, but keeping romance alive takes a conscious effort. It’s your choice to maintain the excitement and enchantment.

    Don’t listen to the marriage cynics

    These days, a lot of people put down marriage, like the comedian who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married — but by then it was too late.” Or the talk show host who quipped, “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.” In fact, you’ve probably had friends say “Why would you want to get married?” Don’t listen to the humbuggers. Good marriages bring fun and laughter and meaning to life. Even after three decades, my wife and I still have a blast being together. Our love is like a thousand violins playing Tchaikovsky (for you it might be electric guitars or synthesizers). It’s the thrill of shared experiences, building memories and facing new challenges. And it’s so much more!

    Still, I can’t emphasize this enough — marriage takes hard work and commitment. With divorce so rampant today many young couples enter marriage with one eye on the exit door. But it takes an unwavering commitment — not giving yourself an out — to keep a marriage healthy and thriving. It’s choosing to be kind and giving and courteous and affectionate and affirming. That choice is the glue that will hold you together. Even when the adrenaline rush is gone and the music fades, the love will live on.

    Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family.


    TroubledWith.com is a service of Focus on the Family. It is intended as a practical reference, and should not be considered as a substitute for advice from medical, mental health or legal professionals.
     
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  9. Astroboy

    Astroboy Malaysia
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    ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
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    Here's a Video that I want to share:-

    YouTube - John Gray (PART 1) "Why Mars & Venus Collide"
     
  10. Archived_Member5

    Archived_Member5
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    The problem is not sadly. A modern day phenomena, but originates from the original sin itself..

    Men have an authoritarian role, as bread winners led by their intellect than emotions. Women are emotionally driven and supposedly more sensitive than men. This is a broad generalisation, in some households men are wise, in others women have a leading influence over the brood whilst men take care of practical matters, the onus is upon each assuming the role is able to perform whilst working in unison and empathy with the partner.

    Perfect people, those strong, free spirited, dependable and adored souls are a perfected combination of both masculine and feminine qualities existing in harmony in the one mind and soul. Reaching this perfect state of human equilibrium in consciousness is good fortune or gained by study and reconciliation with the world about us, attaining a synchronicity with the opposing gender. Knowledge of one another’s weakness, strengths, motivations, flaws and agenda gives insight and ability in dealing with traits and the nature of men and women in general. Once understanding is gained it affords the intellect affair minded and balanced outlook of others and the roles they play in the great orchestration of life.

    Problems arise when weak resent, are consumed with sin or paap, and covet through envy the roles of others. Women use their emotions to weaken a man’s stance, resulting in men becoming hardened in heart and impervious to their histrionics, giving ammunition to the wenches of neglect or imperviousness to their lamentation. The SGGS preaches purification of the intellect for it to transcend all barriers and obstacles of gender, caste, creed until one observe the soul of others, replete with flaws and strengths and dealth with as found.

    If the intellect is sullied, impure then it sees all as its reflection and cannot overcome its own flawed warped thinking and thus battles with its mirrored image as counteractive responses from those it interacts with. The negative neurons react adversely with the negativity in others and life becomes a battle of wills than reason or sense. Conquering by silencing these demons allows one to think and act clearly governed by reason and the will to peace.

    Love conquers all when driven by reason or wisdom, and overrides any such arising problems such insensitivity caused by a lack of communication, misunderstanding or outright exploitation of another’s tolerance and amiability Love is born and nourished from a respectful submission, in time and with comprehension gains by its virtue the merit of fidelity and respect. When given on demand this affability generates a wilful culture of protesters loudly vocalising their needs knowing the greater good are too dignified and proud to speak the injuries they incur or trials they endure, by their own within the home.

    A happy home is built upon love for one another, through love for parents and family, giving birth to loving children born of respectful parents and elders themselves submitted childlike to their Greater Patriarchal Parent. This leads by a perfected example and ensure all are mindful of the consequences of their irrational behaviour upon others. Where man and women battle for dominance, or women empowered by state, or peer interference demand rights gained by others through good deeds and are accorded them we have the present state of Kalyug and Armageddon, battle of the genders fro domination. Feminism has not furthered the cause of women, rather cheapened women in society.

    As Mothers, Daughters, Sisters and wives they are the creators and nurturers of the next generation, upholders and support of their men. In this dark age they become as a sareek, with disregard of Fathers vulnerability, or Brothers responsibilities, or the Spouses loyalties to his Mother and sisters. When women rise against men hell quivers from the toxic outpouring. The Supreme Lord and Spouse is as Great or as mean as our intellect and understanding allow. Such is the seemingly indefatigable nature of the volatile sensory world of they governed by an unknown will than by reason and virtue.

    The masculine and the feminine in harmony in one, Tum Maat Pitta{Ik Onkar} Hum Barik Tere. One either follows traditional roles, women as keeper of the home and Man as Patriarchal and Authority, or you begin from this point and become two co-equal partners of a perfected union, through maturity of sense and time...
     
  11. Archived_Member16

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  12. Archived_Member5

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    The gender gap since time began has caused upheaval and dilemma affecting the lives of all required to enter into long standing relationships with the opposite gender in the sacred sanctum of matrimony. equal opportunities have not created the social modern day equilibrium so desired by the people. The power struggle for dominance continues, and as uneven wheels attached to a motor car cannot drive it smoothly to any destination or progress. Power corrupts whether the state is behind women’s rights or male patriarchal dominance the figures are invariably manipulated to achieve the interests of a group that serves the prevailing rule.

    The case of the Sanyaasan is a sad and tragic one. A pious and moral Lady horrendously treated by a philandering rogue wedded to her but indulgent of all others is tantamount to desecration of the sanctity of matrimony. If She has at some point erred and he is exacting revenge then it is better to make amends than become topics of gossip and speculation. If She retaliates by misbehaving as her spouse than this makes a mockery of their wedding vows. If she is a virtuous woman and he is patronising other les salubrious vessels of creature comforts than it falls upon the woman to depart from a situation exploiting her innate goodness and fidelity.

    Some emotionally maladjusted individuals remain in bad marriages not for want of attempting to perfect the deficiencies in a relationship but out of habit and fear of being alone. Marriage is for life, and if the Sanyaasan has been singing voraciously the praises of her celestial Lord causing her earthly spouse to feel he has begotten a less than amorous measure of her supposed devotion to Spouse and ability to love this can lead him to expend himself in other directions. In this instance the Sanyaasan should tone down her praise singing platitudes of her Great Lord or give to her Spouse the material manifestation of this love. Otherwise Silence is golden than vacuous repetitive recitations of dedication not forthcoming to ones fellow spouse who then becomes more an accessory to the Sanyaasan than her Lord and Master.

    Just a Thought in this intriguing topic on bridging the gender gap, sometimes seemingly the only purpose to the great feat of accomplishment that is marriage and matrimony...:)

    ***Semantics, verbiage, incessant rhetoric of the Sangat being Guru, and the Guru Sangat is workable only in tittle tattle repartee, we have divorce, marriage break up, children raised by struggling mothers in poverty, rising immorality causing the western Sangat to discuss nothing but the outcome of the immoral acts of the aforementioned. It would appear operas’ avid sangat and their and her nominated ‘’guru’’ president suit a select part of the community sangat more so than others!! -

    It is about the individual, the I, for in the I dwells the Spirit of the Guru. A Sangat, a community cannot prosper whilst there are tortured souls in their midst. It is not difficult to bring peace to a community, until the Sangat is of one will and accord it remains a mob, a rabble, a kutteer sattol, the cause and culprit of the suffering and death of many Saints and Gurus in what satan/shaitaan seems to ensure is a futile ongoing tail chase in ascribing scriptural laws to misguided folk. ***

    I feel Panjabi Sikhs, especially Jat Punjabi Sikhs will always be a unique and individual creed apart from all other world Sikhs...WaheGuru Ji... The I AM enlightened souls merged with the collective conscience. The My Myself I in All and All As One In Spirit In Mind, In Will.

    Daljeet Kaur Rai Johal Bhuller
     
    #11 Archived_Member5, Sep 7, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2009
  13. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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  14. Archived_Member5

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    Morality morality remains a contentious and controversial issue for may mainly because of the misconceptions and lack of understanding of its premise and fundamental lore.Morality is a luxury afforded to the content in spirit, pious souls whose cups filled with love overflow with peace and innate sense and a principled nature. Forseekers of this higher condition of living, morality is a word invoking anger and resentment. The need to gain the prestigious sanctum of matrimony whilst clinging through fear, greed and ignorance to a false freedom referred to as open marriages or emancipation. This mere concept makes a mockery of the sacred ideology of bequeathing ones life journey to another, vowing to spend life through good days and bad times, working through and resolving any trials and testing periods together whilst growing and maturing in understanding and spirituality. Practising adherence to religious doctrine over time instils a natural faith in the thinking and behavioural patterns of others particularly ones partner and spouse.

    Morality then is the preconditioned ethical mind, a fortress of ones values. Until this condition of higher consciousness is gained, life seems at time an endurance and trials of resisting perceived temptations, of observing others not as minds and souls but as particles and portals of service. The struggle to maintain a union based upon a trust that once flouted makes matrimony a vestibule of hell than a sanctum of love and empathy with another. This struggle is a failure to practice what one preaches and makes liars of practicing religious who instead of adopting humility in their inability to adhere to what others consider natural, feign indignation or avoid this basic tenet of chaste and propitious living, Morality is the essential foundation stone of a civilised society and en enlightened people. Confrontation of issues relating to morality and an acceptance of ones shortcomings is preferable to denial of ones flaws in an effort to appear or portray oneself as what one is not.

    The Supreme Waheguru’s Swarg/Eden was created as a garden of Peace and Love. One transgression and fall to temptation cast mankind into a cycle of life and death until they strengthen and purify the mind, body and soul. For most morality is not an issue, but for seekers searching for short cuts to the ultimate freedom from craving and desire in misappropriated open relationships, by their nature an aberration to the principle of matrimony, cast themselves deeper into a net of slavish need and want to the elusive peace and love on tap and demand that is the utopian state principally created for Mans Spirit to grow from a cell into the Universal Consciousness of its Origin and Source.

    Morality ...
     
  15. spnadmin

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