At least you are a male. As a female I could say the same thing, that being a female is a punishment for some past karma or something. At least you can walk into a Gurdwara and everyone will see you as a male, and not try to place limitations on you. Try being female in a religion of all male Gurus, nearly all the historical role models are male (and the ones that are female are recognized as being Mother to... wife of... etc so their fame is more related to the males they are related to - Mai Bhago aisde, all the women historical role models are meek and valued for being Mother of, or wife of...) Nearly ALL Granthis, Gurdwara Management Committees, Raagis, scholars etc are male, the first Panj Pyaras are male (and now its used to keep women from doing this seva), some sampardas tell wives they must be obedient to their husband and see and serve him as a God over her, Man leads in anand karaj, woman follows, some sampardas keep women from seva because of menstruation, darbar sahib doesn't allow women to do most seva... no kirtan, no palki sahib seva, no female granthis, no female allowed to participate in akhand paaths, no female can wash sanctum sanctorum etc. Women are always shown only in langar kitchen, as if to make a statement and stereotype that women are only good for cooking. Then we have Dasam Granth and over 600 pages of stories with the central moral message that women are evil, immoral and deceivers that men should never trust (very very few similar stories of males). I think I'd almost rather be a gay male than a female in Sikhi (or any other religion) IF any of this were correct views! I know they are not. They are just about people trying to control other people. Nobody wants to admit that everyone is equal and nobody is following Gurbani saying to TREAT everyone equally! "As Gurmukh, look upon ALL with a single eye of equality for in each and every heart the divine light is contained" - Seems majority have forgotten this! It's not a punishment... you have divine light in you same as everyone else. It's just who you are. Maybe its just a challenge, maybe last time you felt empathy for those in your current situation and you wanted to experience it to really understand (on a soul level). In reality gender is part of the illusion. We are all formless consciousness... and you also deserve happiness. Having said that, I don't think you will ever be able to do anand karaj. But you can marry by civil ceremony. Try Thailand etc... Maybe Russia or Ukraine?