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Lust & Sexuality

Discussion in 'Sikh Sikhi Sikhism' started by Anoop, Oct 27, 2007.

  1. Anoop

    Anoop
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    Im trying to make a new poat but i dont know how since the sites design and theme has changed...

    But i really need help...as a teenager i have had many problems...and one of them being lust. I am embarrased to talk about this.... but it has to be done. I really don't want to talk about it, but i must...

    I had started puberty as every teenager goes through. But i regret to 'self-abuse', masturbation. I have had the priviledge to access dirty websites since becoming a teenager. I have become a slave of pornography... Since then, i would endulge in self abuse... self exploring myself...and afterwards...i have felt really dirty and very very depressed... i have become weak minded, very nervous and quickly embarrased... i am now 19 and still carry on this dirty behaviour. I just feel as if I have lost alot...and when i mean lost alot im talking about vital body energy...life force energy..which i think has led me to stop growing properly...i feel sick very often... and tired and its like a hellish experience which i cant describe... I feel as if the damage has already been done... i would use any means necessary to go to dirty websites and surf everyday...go on chatrooms which are bad.... im a really good person, and love my family...but since i was young, ive had these habbits and have felt like a sick puppet to pornography....i cant help it...and once i have finnished with this dirty session, i would feel so guilty and depressed...i would cry inside....i dont know whats wrong with me... i feel so fed up of life...


    I try to ask myself what should i do? Start doing yoga...take cold baths to cure myself...what should i do? I feel so confused in life....i really feel its hard to stop thinking about the damage that is already caused...i just wish i could rewind my past...and stop this bad habbit...i feel a loss of speech and would cry inside suddenly..whenever i talk to anyone...Its hard to express myself...i have empty feelings inside of me....im really stressed!!
    __________________
     
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  3. Sherab

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    Re: Help me please

    Nothing wrong with masturbation. You need to be more careful about *sex* though, do not indulge in that... Better to deal with issues yourself then use others for lustful needs...
     
  4. Huck_Finn

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    Re: Help me please

    LOL

    stop wallowing in self guilt...

    all go through this and what is important is how you "outgrow" it and not "stop" it

    play sports and change your focus....get some hobby and maybe you will have lesser time at hand to play with yourself and then wallow in guilt :)
     
  5. VazSingh

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    Re: Help me please

    I think many of us go through this phase. I have no idea how so many of us end up in this problem but it's common.

    Based on personal experiances/friends experiances -

    I would suggest:
    - 1- Working out // do lot's of physically demanding work.
    It's about keeping the body busy and eventually making it tired so it can't do anything. It also helps in releaving all that energy that is built up. In addition to this it keeps your mind from getting bored and wondering off into 'bad land'.

    - 2 - Psychologically tune yourself.
    This method worked for me and two other mates. Basically, make a promise to yourself or create a little scanario in your mind where someone who hold dear to your will DIE if you ever masturbate again.OMG Simply having the idea that your sending someone to death if you dare take your brain into that direction has an immidate effect on your brain. It works as a regulator of some sort which prevents the brain from drifting off.

    - 3 - SELF HARM WILL NOT WORK
    Believe me. Grabbing a blade and slicing yourself or hitting yourself with a hammer will not work. It works on animals and prevents them from doing the wrong thing twice but as humans we simply don't learn! It ends up leaving some horrible marks too. (pictures are availible). Be sensible and try the other two methods listed above.

    I hope that helped. :advocate:
     
  6. Sikh80

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    Re: Help me please

    This is all part of growing up.There is nothing unnatural about this. Keep yourself busy. Being a Sikh you can always start your day with a Paath of Jap ji sahib and in the evening tune in to some channel that relays Rehras sahib.

    Be in the company of good friends. In your case it appears that you do not have good company.
    In the end never indulge in self-pity. Just stop and carry on.
     
  7. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Re: Help me please

    Anoop ji

    Look deeply into your heart when you think about my questions. Please do not respond until you are certain that you have really thought things through. You posted a similar comment in another thread. On this thread some respected forum members have taken your question at face value and have attempted advice in the most serious and genuine way. My questions: Why are you asking for advice regarding masturbation on an Internet forum and doing so in such minute detail? Did you seek advice from professional sources (a doctor, a therapist) before sharing your problem with us?
     
  8. Huck_Finn

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    Re: Help me please

    does masturbation need shrink advice?


    whoa....seems like suddenly Shrinks might get a lot busy.

    but certainly if Anoop feels he is doing it in excess....and that is a relative term....i would rather use the term - uncontrollably..... he should see a shrink


    :)
     
  9. spnadmin

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    Re: Help me please

    amarsanghera,

    You answer shows great wit.
     
  10. Sinister

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    Re: Help me please

    Oh my friends,

    We should not cringe at the discussion of sexuality (like school children). Masturbation is completely natural and without question, an integral and widespread practice. It is actually a healthy practice according to the medical field (you would be a freak if you hadn’t performed it).

    Here is a list of scientific and medical journals (these are all journal articles from leading professional that you can look up on you own time):

    The therapeutic effects of rational masturbation
    Journal of Rational- Emotive and Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy
    Volume 13, Number 3


    Human Sperm Competition: Ejaculate Adjustment by Males and the Function of Masturbation
    Sperm Competition in Humans (book)

    journal of biomedical sciences

    Endocrine response to masturbation-induced orgasm in healthy men following a 3-week sexual abstinence
    World Journal of Urology
    Publisher
    Springer Berlin / Heidelberg
    ISSN
    0724-4983 (Print) 1433-8726 (Online)
    Issue
    Volume 19, Number 5 (2001)


    This is just the tip of the ice-burg. There are countless other fields of study on masturbation. There are countless more articles by the medical field and they all come to a consensus that this is natural and normal. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

    Masturbation is not something “you grow out of either”, you just replace it with sex. There have been many colourful attempts by the religious right and even some quack physicians that sadly try to pathologize masturbation (for there own personal gains). Masturbation is also individualistic in nature; some people do it more than others and it is normal in any case unless you feel you cannot do without it in any scenario.

    Only certain kinds of people masturbate.

    Survey research debunks this myth that only certain people masturbate. Whether you are 19 or 99, religious and conservative or secular and liberal, whether you are a parent, grandparent, uncle or aunt, whether you get around on your own two legs or use a wheelchair, scooter, crutches, or roller-skates to get around, almost everyone has masturbated at some point in their lives, and most of us continue to do so.


    We have to learn to embrace sexuality.
     
    #9 Sinister, Dec 27, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2007
  11. spnadmin

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    Re: Help me please

    Sinister

    We are not cringing at a discussion of sexuality. We are cringing at the act of opening up the most personal aspects of our lives on the Internet. Not a safe practice even in SPN.

    Think about the possibilities.
     
  12. Sinister

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    Re: Help me please

    Aad0002,

    I don’t think Anoop is asking us to open up our own personal lives on this issue. But he/she has made the conscious choice of opening up their most personal strife. The conundrum is; how do we receive them and how do we address the issue at hand.

    This is a rather ambiguous forum. (our identities are, for better or for worse, well protected).

    I guess this links back to my post on ‘internet discussions’…just how personal are our views on the net?
    I don’t really know who Anoop is, nor do I feel a need to care who Anoop is. For all I know this could be a ‘make-believe’ scenario. (so I have effectively become the doctor or the shrink)

    So let me answer for Anoop towards your question;



    Obviously someone with more ambiguity would be more comfortable in discussing sexuality on an online forum. The Internet has made it possible to discuss personal matters without “social risks” (people can get opinion, facts and consensus without any real risks of embarrassment). So going to the doctor or to a shrink is rather undesirable (let alone, expensive…well at least in some countries).

    again I think it goes back to my 'internet addiction' post where I discuss the implication of impersonalization in conversation.

    Cheers
     
  13. spnadmin

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    Re: Help me please

    Sinister ji

    Good question you pose, "how do we address the issue at hand?" How do we do that?

    Here is what I was really concerned about, and after presenting my perspective on this, I will shut up.

    Every single thread, and comments therein, are available to public view -- to all users of the Internet, including people suffering from morbid and illegal sexual perversions and those who are prepared to act out on them. So you were thinking about the anonymous family members of SPN. And I was thinking about the ones who take their time cultivating online relationships which graduate to cyber stalking and cyber crime. I was really worried for Anoop ji. Not "cringing" over explicit sexual content.

    I found SPN by accident, googling a topic and I don't even remember what it was. But at least 3 times a week, when I am following up karma, free will, naam, and you name it, links to threads on SPN show up. So whenever someone is sharing one should remember that several million Internet consumers can read what one says. Reason for caution.
     
  14. Admin Singh

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    Re: Help me please

    A very valid point raised by aad002... well, we have a hard talk forum which is open only for members and one has to be registered member to read the content of topics in that forum.

    Suggestion:
    Dear Forum Leaders, using your discretion, if you find any topic, which may require some privacy on that part of posting individuals, you can move the topics to Hard-Talk forum.
     
  15. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Re: Help me please

    Aman ji

    Thank you for all of this valuable information. And thank you for understanding that the Internet is not an innocent place.
     
  16. Sinister

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    Re: Help me please - (Lust & Sexuality)

    Aad Ji,

    how do we address the issue at hand?" How do we do that?

    I think we can do that with some objectivity...not presenting personal explanations and examples but other facts that we recieve from medical sources (i think I did a dandy job).

    yes we should be careful...good thing this was reposted in the Hard Talk section.
     
  17. bade_ustaad

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    Re: Help me please - (Lust & Sexuality)

    Dear Forum,

    It surprises me to note that Mr Anoop has not re-appeared on the scene of his confession yet a number of members have repeatedly shown so much interest in his problem without really coming up with a suitable solution.

    I have personally tried to give him some advice through PM. He has not responded back to me. I only hope it worked. or He may have just felt so humiliated by so much advice that he may have decided not to follow this thread.

    I have not too long ago assisted a member of this Forum through PM's. The member is quite happy following his/her life.

    I am not claiming to be a master at this kind of work but it may be helpful to isolate these cases under a confidential thread and help those individuals through PM's rather barge them with a never ending thread of humiliation.

    My appologies for any offence caused.
     
  18. spnadmin

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    Re: Help me please - (Lust & Sexuality)

    respected baded_ustaad ji,

    Not knowing what you wrote in a private message places us at a disadvantage in our reply. Nonetheless, you can probably guess from my own reactions on this thread that a public forum is not the best place to discuss personal information.
     
  19. Sikh80

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    Re: Help me please - (Lust & Sexuality)

    Yes,it is not the best place esp. when the querist is absconding or might have learned the ways to control the urges.
     
  20. bade_ustaad

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    Re: Help me please - (Lust & Sexuality)

    Dear Members,

    The issue is not of scoring points on what was said and what not. Either the forum entertains these plea's for help or it does not. If it does then yes there should be a seperate section where there is only one to one conversation (supervised by a Senior Forum Leader (to avoid abuse) or Admin/Forum Leader informs the queriest that there is no help available here etc. and the contents are removed from the Forum.

    This is my humble suggestion.
     
  21. drkhalsa

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    Re: Help me please - (Lust & Sexuality)

    What I think is

    You are right in sense but I dont agree fully

    You are right that Such threads should be followed and closed if they are not active or the query starter is absconding

    But Private advice is not the thing I will prefer as defies the concept of forum and opinions ( although this can go on in the background )

    But would not advise it as part of forum and about the identity of the people on forum is HIDDEN as long as he wishes and so there is noQuestion of being Humiliated
     

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