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Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by vinodcool, Feb 2, 2011.
Hi vinodcool ji,
1st thing to cool down, that is very important in this case. And the second thing if you don't mind to clear as you said you are a Brahmin boy and other side file shows Adherent Sikhi?
Vinodcool it will perhaps help if you provide bit of info,
Below 21 or above
You live in Asia or overseas
Is this the first time you been in love with a girl and also if this is girl's first time
Are you working and earning a living
Is the girl working and earning a living
Can you afford to live by yourself with your friend after marriage
How often you go to the Mandir/Gurdwara
How often she goes to the Mandir/Gurdwara
One area I can provide some ideas is,
I really can't live without her,
God has created us with lot more than die after the one you love dies, virtually little truth from my own experiences
neither can she.
Same comment as above
I will better die rather see her suffering for any thing.
It is a noble intention, but real test of love is to live with all the pain that your partner has
Regardless of the origin or misfortune
Life has too many twists and turns and you don't want to give each other pain with or without marrying each other
Real love is not possession but freedom
Give yourselves time
Give yourselves space
Let your true love be tested with this
Don't rush and be insecure true love is not separated by time or space
I Assume you are in early years of marriage age, i.e. 21+
It is wonderful and welcome to see you on spn.
Be truthful and people will be truthful and honest with you.
See others as you want them to see you.
Sat Sri Akal.
PS: To soothe just ignore the Allah part if you don't like (Oh the men are acting as though lady dancers to please the Man God, symbolism, I don't think they are gaywinkingmunda) ,
YouTube - Sai Zahoor I
Another two Hindi/Urdu
YouTube - Na To Karwan Ki Talash Hai - BARSAT KI RAAT
YouTube - humein to loot liya mil ke husn waalon ne... Ismail azad
Dear vinodcool ji,
In the first place, no matter what else is true, I would advise any girl against marrying into a family who thought she would bring shame to them. There is no way you could possibly "keep her happy till the last breath of [your] life" if she knows she is considered some sort of disgrace.
You correctly state, "As per "Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji" the holy book of Sikhs containing the hymns of Sikh gurus, there is no place for caste, all people are equal," yet your very first words are "I am a Brahmin..." Until you are ready to drop all caste designation and be simply Someone Singh, you are not worthy of a Sikh girl.
Also, what kind of love is willing to get the beloved murdered in order to marry her? So-called "honour" killings are totally wrong, but they are a reality. If you love her, surely you don't want to be left only with her dead body, although you would probably be dead, as well. Dying for love sounds very romantic, but in fact it's dirty and bloody and ugly. Have you ever seen the body of someone violently killed? In the end, Romeo and Juliet were two silly teenagers who lacked judgment and good sense.
My advice is for you to go home and, as "a.mother" advised cool down. Right now you are very taken with this girl. Even if her family just lets her go, how happy could she be, having no family of her own, living amongst people who look down on her? Please be a little bit realistic and let her go. Consider that sacrificing your happiness for hers is a noble deed, worthy of a Brahmin. Although you don't believe it now, a broken heart will mend, two broken hearts will mend, if you let them. If you truly love this girl, let her go, so she can build a life where she can find happiness. That is my advice.
"cool"..seems more like FROZEN to me...????? the thread has died a natural death due to freezing...maybe cooler minds have won the day..hope so.:redturban::angryadminkaur:
Where are you vinodcool ji ? You don't have to be sorry for us,this is a stage where we can share and give advice feel the pain from others help them heal and cry and laugh together. Where elders give advice with their practicals.
And by the way ambasaria ji I have seen 1st you tube clip it is very soothing, it is amazing, writer writes from his/her heart and singer sang from his heart and other parts which you worried about didn't bother me a bit. They were very simple and from inside voice and actions. (so don't worry)
Dear Vinodcool ji,
If u r really in love with that girl then I 'll suggest that u should take decision with cool mind. Don't take decision in a haste.Losing someone or something you love is very painful. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing.
So my kind suggestion is to make decision cool headed. As we live in Punjab, we daily attend inter caste marriages now-a-days. The situation in Punjab is that 50% marriages which we people attend now-a-days are intercaste marriages so there is no hard and fast rule about marriages prevailing now-a-days.
I would like to emphasize rajneesh madhok ji's statement to be "cool-headed." Our responsibility as human beings is to be ethical and to consider the effects our actions will have on ourselves and other human beings. As much as we love another person in the romantic sense, if we do not love that person as a fellow human being, then the heat of romance may well have negative results.
The incidence of honor killings is not insignificant. Read all the threads here that we have published on that subject. It is not rare, and is very real. You do not want to be a widower in less than a year. And I am sure you do not want to see the honor killing of your intended. Not only because you are in love with her -- but because she has the right to live a natural life and die a natural death, as a human being. Consider the options that you have and please place your ethical nature above love between a man and a woman.
I honour the suggestions of Hon'ble SPNadminji,
The matter is concerned with the consequentialism. As the matter is based with moral theroies which hold consequesnces of one's conduct, the point is based on the morality and conduct. So, from a consequesntialist standpoint, a morally right act is one that will produce a good outcome or consequence.
Now the factor to be considered in this subject is based on the location you live. If you are residing the Majha or Malwa belt of Punjab, the mentality of that area is different from the area of Doaba of Punjab. First of all you should know the native place of the girl. In Doaba such type of marriages usually occur and no body cares about the caste or religion of the groom and bride. But in Majha and Malwa belt it is a point of great consideration.
As SPNadminji suggested you should not take so easy the news items related to Honour killing. If you are residing in Rural or semi urban area then the inter religion marriage is considered much in that area. But if you are residing in Chandigarh, Jalandhar, Ludhaiana, Patiala, Amritsar or in Doaba belt then the marriage will be considered as usual and no body make hue and cry.
The matter should be considered cool headed. This is not a matter of Ego but it should be considered taking in to consideration the consequential theory. As I have not read your post. So, I could not judge your mentality.
But i honour SPNadminji's suggestions, he/she might have read your view points and the matter. He/she has vast knowledge and his/her decision on the matter will be quite useful to you. So, kindly send Private message to him/her and take confidential guidance from him/her on the matter.
As this is the critical point so right action at right time should be taken. Don't take decision in a haste. Whenever I get confused on any matter I used to get guidance from SPNadminji. So, He/she will be the best guide.
rajneesh madhok ji I think you are little contradictory though encouraging of or believing in inter-faith marriage.
I provide some comments below,
If you are residing the Majha or Malwa belt of Punjab, the mentality of that area is different from the area of Doaba of Punjab.
But in Majha and Malwa belt it is a point of great consideration.
But if you are residing in Chandigarh, Jalandhar, Ludhaiana, Patiala, Amritsar or in Doaba belt then the marriage will be considered as usual and no body make hue and cry.
Sorry to say the following,
Essence of your comments is the Hinduism belief that Sikhs are just a sect of Hinduism
Additionally the talk of mentality is as though this is peculiar to Sikhs. I believe the marriage of a Brahmin to a Shuder caste has more issue than the people of Majha and Malwa and so called mentality they have
Every parent's wish is for the happiness of their children and the marriage act also includes happiness of families
This is not a peculiar of Sikhism or Punjab
I also wonder if the broad brush you are using also can be used for Hindu-Muslim marriages!
Very poor advice!
Sorry but I find the elements of your post condescending, elitist, demeaning and very typical of the Hindu majority in India and their treatment of Sikhs.
Observation on the contents of the post and your stated affiliation as a Hindu and nothing personal. I assume if you can give it you can also take it!
Sat Sri Akal.
Yes I know that my post is self contradictory as Malwa’s belt consists of Ludhiana and Patiala and Amritsar is also part of Majha belt. I specifically mentioned the cities as there are exceptions. I have never encouraged inter-faith marriage. You have considered my view points according to your angle.
My comments are based on the people in general not particular person.
As the accent of language changes with every 50 Kms likewise the mentality of the people also change.
I don’t stress on anything.
I don’t elaborate the topic what is the formation of Sikh Sect.
I have never used word Sikhs in my post kindly go through my post once again.
I agree to your point that the marriage of Brahmin to a Schedule caste is still a point of consideration in the society.
I agree to your view point that every parent’s wish is for the happiness of their children and likewise marriages are being solemnized. I have not made any sort of the comment which contradicts to this statement.
Where I have mentioned Sikhism. I just given example that if it is common in Punjab that we attend marriages of inter-caste couples in routine.
I could not understand where the point of Hindu-Muslim marriages came out. I had been talking about the marriages those are in common in Punjab and no body bothers about that. As Muslim population is 5% of Punjab then obviously the marriages of Hindu-Muslim will come in to notice in Punjab. If you consider the marriages of Hindu-Muslim in U.P. Bihar, Tamil Nadu and Maharashtra there you will find those marriages are not so uncommon.
I have not advised but mentioned my view points. I have rather written in my post to consider the view point of SPNji. As he/she has liberal view points so I suggested to the boy to take his/her opinion.
Dear friend, how you adjudged that the elements of my post are condescending to Hinduism. It is not like that. Neither a boy nor a girl will remain bachelor. Everybody will be get married. The Hindu boy/ Sikh girl or vice-versa will certainly get suitable match in their community. How you raised the point that I am demeaning Sikhs and act as typical Hindu majority. I hope in Punjab we have quite a number of sikh friends and used to share our view points to each other. Does it mean that it is treatment with other community.
We are talking about the future of only two persons. Why you indulge whole to the community. If I stated my affiliation to Hinduism then what is wrong in it.
Now I come to the point. In the period of Classical Sanskrit, we used to learn about Ramanyana and Mahabharta. Ramayana was written by the poet Valmiki, describes the life time of Rama. As per theory Lord Rama is the seventh avatar of Lord Vishnu and this occurred in treat yuga, while the Mahabhartha that describes the life and times of the pandavas, occurs in Dwapar yuga, the period associated with Lord Krishna.
The roots of theology that evolved from classical Hinduism come from the times of the Vedic civilization, from the ancient Vedic religion.
Now come to the point of Hinudism: The two great Hindu epics, the Ramayana and the Mahabharta tell the story of two specific incarnations of Vishnu (Rama and Krishna). These two works are known as HISTORY.
Hinduism has number of accounts pertaining to cosmology, and several explanation have been as regards the origin of the universe. So, consider the origin of Hinduism and you will yourself conclude the contradictory points. I don’t like to elaborate the points mentioned by you.
I think we have gone seriously off track and need to return to the specific situation of the Jat girl and the Brahmin boy. Thanks.
Dear all, as the original poster has removed his message. This thread is now closed.