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I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling.

Discussion in 'Sikh Youth' started by Seeker2013, Oct 15, 2013.

  1. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    I am 23 yr old guy from mumbai (For those who are haven't read my last posts).
    I am at a point in my life where I am feeling very down and I don't think I have the courage or energy to take steps in positive direction to improve my life . Because after repeated failures in my examination and a general fear of life's challenges , I have lost my confidence which was already less .
    My status is that I am currently still in my education but not a good student I think .
    I have failed in my 3 attempts of clearing my post-grad , M.Sc in computers . And this is the 4th attempt I am giving on 23rd october . But I feel utterly shameful and like some unworthy garbage that even now I am not fully prepared .And now I am feeling very much in anxiety and shivering in fear , and hence decided to post it here ! There are rumours that this 4th is the last attempt a student can give :\

    I am prepared for 2 out of 4 papers
    I did a calculation of days left and realized I CAN STILL PASS THIS TIME IF I UTILIZE THE DAYS BUT hey , I am so anxious now , I am unable to focus . My past 3 failures keep haunting me . I have nightmares of failing and feel my future is dark :\

    I am really feeling very down right now . Yes you can call me that I am just a whiner who doesn't want to take positive steps to improve his condition but I have been pampered so much , this tough world scares me . I still live my parent and feed off them .

    EVERY TIME I end up making the same mistakes ! april 2012 , oct 2012 , april 2013 and now oct 2013 . Every time the week before exams give chills to my soul and I swear my life that it won't happen next time . Next time I would be prepared , but NO ! :( everytime I end up making same mistakes. procrastination , and internet timepass and before u know it , the exam month is here !

    Perhaps by now , you are not even reading this , thinking I deserve all the **** that came my way .
    But TBH the deep habits embedded within me and the previous time's failures keep haunting me . I am finding it very hard to give this up and its destroying my career and thus my life

    HELL ! I have shown morphed marksheets to my parents and they think I m passed with first class in post grad but I m not even cleared first year yet

    My dad's friend who are very rich said he could get me a job , but he knows I am post grad done , and if I enter 'post grad' in my resume , I would have to provide marksheets for the same (which I don't have obviously coz m failed)
    and If I don't write "MSc" in my resume , he might contact my dad and ask why I didn't fill "MSc" option . I can't tell truth to my dad coz it would create a storm in the house -- the original reason why I lied to them about me failing .

    And right now my only hope is my oracle certified java programmer course in java which I have joined tuition for . This is only basis on which I hope to get a job in IT becoz my grad is in 2010 october (failed in my grad too for first time ) and its been 4 years . Why would any employer want a 4 yr old stale guy with 53% in his grad when he can get this year passout with good grades !

    Its not jst about studies . I feel like a loser in life in general . I missed out on everything you would normally do ! enjoying college , keeping a balance between studies and enjoyment , SPORTS , making good contacts or anything for that matter

    I just don't feel prepared for difficulties and challenges of life . I feel like the most pessimist guy in this freakin universe .
    HOW DO I GET MYSELF OUT OF THIS RUT but I am too addicted to my old ways! Hell , people with decent marks and degrees have a hard time finding and retaining jobs in today's jobs market . What a wallflower like me gonna do ! :(

    I am feeling really down

    As soon as the exam tension goes , I go back in my faulty , destructive ways which then set up the stage for failure in my next exam !

    but having lied to my parents when I failed first time to prevent an upheavel by my dad in home is now eating me in ! I am a liar whose lie could be caught any day ! I feel guilty of such a big lie to my parents . My mom rejoices thinking her son cleared MSc with first class but I know I couldn't clear it in 3 attempts
    I lied in the first place to make them happy thinking I will clear next time but .. -_-
     
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  3. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    Seeker2013 ji

    I am not a psychotherapist but I know one thing. You have yourself described how one problem has compounded another problem, and this is happening layer by layer. The layers are so high now you are desperate.

    One thing you can do to start digging yourself out. Confess to your parents. Sure they are going to be very upset. They will recover. You will feel better because you told the truth. So tough it through the emotional response you will get. Tell the truth. If you do not, things will be worse, and worse than that, you will become more self-destructive with every day.

    That is all I am going to say. So if you have reasons to state why my words have little to no merit, that is fine with me. Heal yourself. The big question: IS THAT FINE WITH YOU!
     
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  4. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    First of all , THANKS ! for replying . Most people would have considered me jst ranting and perhaps I deserved all this for not coming to these realizations of being an 'adult' earlier

    But my experience of personal misery reminds me I am not feeling like this for the 'first time' . I had the same feeling when I was in my 11th (junior college) and enrolled at a coaching class for my 12th board exams . I remember coming home and crying with the prospectus in hand becoz perhaps I had taken admission in wrong course ! What a petty thing it was to cry for (now that I look back at the incident )

    Secondly , had the same feelings of "doomed and hopeless / desperate" when I failed in my 12th but miraculously cleared in re-evaluation of marksheets .
    Then when I did clear I was late for admissions . Got it in khalsa colg , mumbai in plain BSc (I used to think that if u get in plain BSc rather than engineering or BSc in IT , then your career is dead . At that time , didn't realize one could do BSc in Maths and still have opportunities , even better if worked harder !

    So these 'feelings' are not something new , just that they are more intense now that my parents are coming to their retirements and I feel the urge to grow up real quick and get a job ..

    To some extent , I like that I atleast become serious minded when such situations happen in my life which force me to ponder over what am I doing in my life . If you've ever been in this situation , you would know I am sure what it feels like . How the thought process matures u

    Its really deeply layered ! and it has to go this time , either now or never ! Can't stand this misery .. How embarassing it is to even tell someone that u had to give 4 attempts )

    But how can I tell my parents even if that would make me feel light. My dad calls me all sort of demoralizing names . That and becoz I didn't want to give my parents tension was the reason in the first place why I didn't tell them I had failed !

    But having failed so many times , even if one is intelligent one begins to doubt himself and his abilities . Its one of biggest humiliations .
     
  5. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    I have nothing more to say.
     
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  6. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    Should I consider this as giving up on me or what ?

    I know I have a bad habit of opening up past again and again but trust me ,
    I am already declining on my excess internet usage -- one big mother of evils
    Old habits hard to go but they will .

    I will keep visiting this space if anyone has any opinions :|
     
  7. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    I have nothing more to add.
     
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  8. Navdeep88

    Navdeep88 Canada
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    Seeker Ji,
    Having been in your position where it seemed hell had broken Lose for ME. Everything had fallen on my head & me being Intellectually inclined, I didn't kno how to deal with.
    This is where I am.
    *Over-thinking, got me no where.
    *Dwelling on the same problem was fruitless.
    *The fact of the matter is, the world doesn't owe you anything, always always Look down to those who have it worst. Try your best. If not, try in something else. Help others. Keep going.
    Promise paths will open up. They May not appear ideal. But maybe thats just where u need to be, to learn a lesson.

    There are Children in the US who have been Condemned to life in Jail. They did the crime, but their mental capacity wasn't enough for them to decipher exactly what they were doing. So they got their freedom Stripped forever.

    You have more freedom then that. Get out of your head. Look at beauty & then do your best
     
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  9. singhbj

    singhbj
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    First have a look at these links



    Links off site have been deleted. Commentaries are needed. This practice has an adverse effect on SPN's Google ranks, and needs to end. The member has been warned about this many times.



    When one door closes, another opens, we just have to open our eyes and see.
    There are always unlimited numbers of new opportunities.
     
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  10. jaginder

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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    I read the above plea and wondered what to say...
    Each advice followed seemed to be the wrong way...
    for you are not ready to change your past...
    so you stick your fate on your ***...
    Then I came across this story for your read...
    prepare for a lesson or don't bother to read...

    One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! MORAL : Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive. 2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens. 3. Live simply and appreciate what you have. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

    I guess in your case this also applies...
    *You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one*

    Like spnadmin ji ...I also have nothing further to contribute...may fair winds blow on your sails and speed you to your goals.
     
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  11. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    thanks everyone ! but ofcourse real thanks would be when I implement this in my life.

    Do you think maintaining a serious composure at all time (less smiling , less smalltalk , etc ) helps to maintain a seriousness in life to work more and leisure less ?
     
  12. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    you just need to grow up a bit thats all, it is not a huge drama

    but yes, when I have my back against the wall, I get very serious, less smiling, less smalltalk, I grow up a bit, everything is not a joke, everything is not material for the next funny story, actions have consequences, that much at least needs to be taken seriously
     
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  13. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    But what should I do now ? what would you have done if you were in my place ??

    My exams are just half a week away and a part of me is convinced I am not going to pass since I lack preparation in all 4 papers and if u fail in one , its like you fail in all . And I am feeling very frustrated right now.
    This is the (disgraceful) 4th attempt . I don't think uni would allow a 5th.

    Now the question thats bugging me is what will I tell my future employers about my 3 year gap ?
    when he/she ask me what I did from oct '10 to apr'13 what will I say ?
    one of my friend said 'she was trying to clear her MSc (she's in same boat as me) ,and they rejected her after some mild insults like "how r u sure ur gonna clear this time?" but I am not sure if she was rejected for her poor academics or becoz of the fact that she didn't mention her post-grad failure status in her resume and said so later in the interview.

    after repeated failures over same thing , ppl (your professors incl) and most imp YOU begin to lose faith in urself and ur abilities .

    I think my oracle certified java programmer certification exam is the only evidence now I have regarding my skills , isn't it ?
     
  14. angrisha

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    My advice, get off this site and go focus on studying.

    PPL fail exams all the time, I hardly know anyone who has ever passed anything with out actually putting the work in. Find a new way to do it, or work harder to learn the material inside and out. You've had ample time to prepare... worry about the future later, chances are you'll be fine... if you want to continue to self sabotage there is nothing anyone else can help you.
     
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  15. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    Hi Seeker Ji,

    someone very close to me has very similar thoughts and reactions to events in life... the people around that person do not understand the thoughts and reactions including me at times...

    i am not a professional psychologist, but this sounds very similar to deep anxiety....an over thinking mind, a very negative mind...and it becomes a habit...every situation is seen in a negative way.

    from my interaction with this person who is very close to me, it is wise to seek some advice and help. once you know, understand why this is happening, you can take steps to help yourself...because if you don't understand yourself, no one else has any chance of understanding you..

    Yoga, regular exercise, hobbies where you interact with people etc etc all help you from diverting your attention from your past to the present.

    if you able to do this, take some steps to build your confidence and understand yourself and why you think a certain way...

    eventually (from what i have seen myself), you will recognize when the anxiety/over thinking is taking place and disconnect from it and regain some control.

    and as many people on this forum know about me...i would very deeply recommend doing some daily meditation so that you can start to clear the negativity and replace it with some positivity

    Hope this helps ji.
     
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  16. arshdeep88

    arshdeep88 India
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    As a student myself can only say things from my experience and what i learned from my seniors.
    Be more concerned about the present and worry less about the future(passing/failing).The outcome of the future tomorrow will be decided with the efforts you put in the PRESENT now.Who knows what tomorrow will happen or will bring? but right now this moment is yours make the best of it.Failures do come and will come always but they are meant to learn and make you more strong not to break you.Have an attitude of warrior ,don't let your mind indulge in negative thoughts ,fight with yourself as it will redefine your attitude
    Study to gain knowledge even if it is grain enough.The greatest inventor Thomas Edison failed several times in his life, Einstein was drop out from his school ,still see how many of them accomplished so much in their life.
    And as Edison says "“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time.”

    Good luck for the exams and i hope you give your exams with great spirits. :)
     
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  17. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    Chazji, I do love you like you were my own brother, but I feel sometimes rather than trying to figure out what is what, it is best just to roll your sleeves up and get on with what needs doing, depression itself can be a huge self indulgence, when I personally fell depressed, I am being nothing more than selfish, self obsessed and aware of my own needs rather than others. I think meditation is the last thing this young man needs, more so than anything, and with the time left as he has stated, he needs to blot out everything in his mind other than getting ready for the challange that awaits, it should never have been a challange, it should have been a constant and steady study that terminated in a test, it has now been made into a challange, and frankly, if it were me, I would not think, I would not sleep, I would not eat, I would devote every precious second to doing the best I can do, it is too late to try and figure out why what and who, there is just enough time to stuff as much information into your head to possibly scrape by, any second spent any anything else is frankly a complete waste of time, given the circumstances.
     
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  18. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    Re: I am feeling very very down right now ... What can I do to improve my condition. A hopeless feeling

    just 20 minutes of meditation done at the start of the day can help in keeping once focused for the days challenges...so it may help seeker ji to keep a focused mind during study

    that's just my experience...may not work for everyone :)
     
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  19. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    thanks guys everyone ,I will come here next on oct 31st when I am done with exams ..
     
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  20. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    good luck!
     
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  21. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Good luck Seeker 2013 ji

    All anyone can do in life is take the next step and do it with the energy and talent one has at that moment of step-taking. Usually things do not work out to be dazzling successes or dismal failures. Usually they turn out to be just FINE. Imperfections become a chance to learn. High points become a chance to build for the next time round.

    Once I myself got used to the idea that things can be just FINE life became a lot more satisfying.
     
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