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How To Get My Self Respect Back? And My Shri Waheguru Ji?

Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by Hopeful, Sep 19, 2016.

  1. Hopeful

    Hopeful India
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    I want to ask for your advice about things happening in my life. I am going through a tough time. I would really appreciate your effort in helping me.
    The thing starts from here. I and my family had to fly to Chandigarh, India in 2015. I had completed my 10th Grade back then and here, I got admitted to a school in 11th Grade. It was the hardly 6th day of school while a girl was already in deep relation with a guy, as I observed being it my first day in the school. I was really naive and never had talked much with any girl. Their relationship was, don't know why killing me and making me jealous. I even felt something weird in my abdomen area. I used to ignore that feeling. I always had a feel that this girl will propose me soon after their relation get over. I had a feel to stop and be with her. It was all in front of my eyes when they did dirty romance in the class itself. I just wanted her to be with me. Though a relation meant nothing more than talking to me. And it really happened. She figured out that he was in relation with another girl at the same time. She was broken heart. As she had said me her brother for two-three times, I thought of helping her. I made her happy during the classes and counselled her with how a great career will help. Ways she can become well reputed in her life. It was fine for me to talk those things. In December 2015, she proposed me for a relation. Since it were exams going, I ignored her and kept talking to her normally. The guy who left her was her second. She went back to her first in January while again proposed me in February. I was confused and as I was leaving school next month, I told her that I'm leaving the school. This kept going, I didn't leave the school due to admission process of India. As days passed she started coming close to me. I always distanced her, I used to say that I belong to a Sikh family and we do not have this type of things. Yes love exists, but not like hers. I told her that we love inner self, we love Shri Waheguru, and we love true people. But this type of teenage love is not something I would like at all. And came June 2016. She visited my home. The next day, I got to know that she has made out (kissed on lips) to both the guys and have been a bit more than that with her second. I got a shock. I thought of asking her about it. I messaged her, she ignored it all like nothing happened. I got shocked even more. Somehow that moment, I was losing myself. She told me something even more haunting. She said she has a hole in her heart. That's why she have been in relation with guys and she will be dead in few months. I was almost dead at that moment. She was nothing more than a friend, but still, she killed me with it. A few minutes later, she said it was a fake report. I was again confused, stressed and in a dilemma again. I asked her to either make me cry when I'll meet her, or I'll never talk to her. She messaged me okay she's going to actually die in few months.
    I lost my self. My control. My brain was haunting me. Pictures of me in Gurudwara, Mandirs and temples was visible. I thought of praying everywhere. She played with me at that moment. Instead of talking to myself, I kept talking to her, all day and all night. I didn't get much sleep.
    I started realizing in mid-June that it's wrong. Something is wrong. I remembered a park me and my friend passed through. It had garbage a bit and wasn't managed. So it was haunting me to leave that park soon or I'll have bad time.
    I started remembering that moment. It was just before reaching the park when my friend told the truth about her.
    In mid June, I was destroyed. She was playing with my emotions. She was controlling me, manipulating me and haunting me about her death. And I was getting into the trap.
    I belong to a middle class family. I do not have enough money to buy a computer, but I have performed great in computers and she knew I'll have a great future. Infact future was the only thing I always talked about. She knew my weakness, my future.
    It was 22nd or 23rd June when I went to Gurudwara Sahib of my hometown in Punjab. Just a visit to it cured my everything. I messaged her that I do not want anything between us. I did a mistake of calling her on July 1. That was the biggest mistake. I thought she's a girl and I do not want to destroy name of Punjabis in front of her eyes. Her both ex-boyfriends were not Sikh. I thought I shall not make her cry. She visited my home. I was fully lost after watching her face. She told me to kiss her neck. I do not know why, it felt like she had drugged me. I did as she told. Then she kissed me on my lips. For 2-4 seconds and 4-5 times. I pushed her back everytime she did. Nothing was in control of me. I was all lost. I now had commited a sin. I used to think Shri Waheguru left my body. I used to think my body is no more pure. I started hating myself. I applied numerous chemicals on my lips. I tried to visit my village to apply soild on them. I couldn't visit it. I even now, think that I have lost the divine me.
    Soon school started but I tried to keep a distance. She started showing her anger and expressing her true face. I went into a shock again. I started remembering my depression again. It grew every minute. Deep in my mind. I started getting thoughts that God will punish me for making her cry. I could see her express so much. I kept quite. I ignored almost every feel I got that she's acting. I never heard my innerself. It came the day when I said, I won't talk to her at all. She was in so anger, she started cursing me. She said I will get bad dua. She made me depressed to the fullest. I was so stressed that after few minutes I used to call her asking if she's fine. I used to get terror thoughts that she's no more. I completely ignored myself.
    Soon my friends started asking me what happened. Moreover, my teaches said that I must not roam much with this girl. They said you are so well charactered person. But I even ignored them. My parents too said that the girl isn't okay. Keep her to friendship only. She was completely controlling me. She when she will die, I will have to name my daughter her name. Whenever I tried to stop talking to her, she've been manipulating me. She said God listens to girl. She said I do not know about this world, she lied that her mother have been out of ICU and she knows what death is. To all my brothers reading this, I would also like to tell me that I used to get Chemistry classes from a Muslim teacher. He tried to manipulate me too by saying god will punish me for my sins. I became so depressed. I knew nothing. My parents asked me what happened. Even I wanted to cry, I could not even cry at all. No tears. I forced myself to cry; only few tears might have came out of my eyes for few seconds. I want to hug my brother like friends, nobody helped me. I tried talking to my school Vice Principle, she didn't listened to me. I tried to get every help I could. I messaged my sister everything and told her to tell everything to mom, even the kiss she did. She came to my home again. She hugged me and my mom saw that. She hid her tears but I noticed them. Those were precious tears that have helped me come out of her trap. I stopped talking to her. She was really cool and made new friends. I even now burn a lot inside when she talk to so many guys. I stopped going to school. My grades went from 90% to fail. I failed in almost every subject. This was what she actually wanted. Her grades have gradually improved. I was her only competitor. She now tops in the school.
    It has been 4 months and I do not know what is happening to me. Today, 19/09/16 was my physics exam. I am sure I'll get zero in it. I was elected as Head Boy of the school. I thought I am no more eligible because of my exam result. I went to Vice Principle, and returned my Head Boy badge. I thought she would understand and will say to reclaim it when I'll feel like I am eligible. I told her what happened. She said she do not have time for these things and please leave the badge here and go. I left, said Good Afternoon and left. Now, I am all lost. My studies, my parent's trust, my respect, my passion and my track. I have even lost my Shri Waheguru ji. I have nothing today. I will be 18 next month. But I do not have anything. I lost my self respect, my purity, my divinity. She is all cool. She does not care at all. Today, I slept during my exam while she was continuously writing. I could not even get a shoulder to hug. I do not have brother. I never let my parents know how hurt I am. Though they know what happened with me. But I never let them know what I am facing. I just wanted an advice from someone who is close to Guru Granth Sahib ji. Tears will never come out of my eyes. But when I did paath in July, I could feel tears. How pure Gurbani is. But I felt like I should not make Gurbani sahib impure. I stopped doing it. All I could do is ask for your advice. Please help me veero.
     
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  3. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    this requires some time for a proper response, from me anyway, but all I will say is you are torturing yourself with something that is very normal for someone of your age group, these feelings are very very common, as is your way of dealing with them. Sikhism is not a guilt trip based religion, you should be happy, and mature, what is happening here is that you are growing up, your childish notions and thoughts are being replaced by an interest in the opposite sex, and of course love, because we all wish to be loved, well most of us anyway, and there is nothing wrong with that, your merely obsessing and changing, again, all natural, all normal.

    I will dissect your post later, however, if you feel any pains or problems you wish to discuss in private, feel free to PM me, especially if you have no one to talk to about this.
     
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  4. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    These are normal feelings when growing up, uncertainty, jealousy, desire.

    combination of fantasising and desire, magical isn't it, all new and shiny, you get used to it so it doesn't rule, although in some it can take some time.

    There are those that fantasise and then make those fantasies happen, and there are those that fantasise, smile, and get on with their lives. You seen sensible but your heart is not very sensible, it is head and heart my young friend, the above shows you are largely still in control of your actions, although your thoughts are all over the place, that is fine, it is our actions that put us in jail, that bankrupt us, that ruin us, not our thoughts, use your head as a debating arena, a place to learn and grow, but be careful with your actions, they will damn you, or laud you, it is your choice.

    yes, love like hers exists, it is not like the love you know, it is the love between a man and a woman, which is expressed in many many different ways, there is sex, and there is love making, sex is something you may do whilst being tied up and whipped, there is many different types of sex, from a plain bunk up to full blown orgies, love making, however is different, love making is a spiritual journey with your partner, its different, it takes time, it takes knowing each other, its a journey, unlike plain sex which can be had for £10 behind a skip.
    I feel for you, you have an innocence about you that is touching, it is a remnant of your being a child, now time to grow up, your handling this like a needy puppy, like one who wants something so much, yet fears it, like a moth, you need to grow up thats all, and all this, is growing up, all these feelings, all these desires, how you handle them, how you deal with them, it forms your character, who you are, its hard, you may feel torn, but at the end of the day, you will be who you are, you are learning about yourself, about you, learn and grow.

    Oh don't worry about the god will punish you for your sins routine, you will hear that often as you grow up, and stop burning, set yourself free, its a journey, your doing fine
    you fell in love, your still in love, she represents everything that you possibly yearn, coming from a good family has responsibilities, and its hard sometimes, easy to be free, to love who you want, when you want, to do what you want, without guilt, without thinking, to be a fool in love, to put love above everything, family, friends, health, even the self, but there is a cost, and the cost is your soul, who you are, who you could be, its up to you, how far do you wish to go down that road, far enough that you end up a drug addled bloated unhealthy 50 year old, living on your own, eating crackers for dinner, because one road leads to another, and before you know it, your pushing boundaries you did not even know existed, keep hold of your senses, trust your head, don't be so dramatic, but know where paths lead before you wish you had stepped on them.

    btw, this is not even love, its simple lust, something you are going to have to learn to control if you wish to make it.

    Good luck
     
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  5. Navdeep88

    Navdeep88 Canada
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    I am not a brother answering this. I am female.

    I can 100% confirm that men and women manipulate each other using different tactics. With men, it's often more overt. With women (and I have been a victim of this), it's considerably more sly.

    I visited India a few years back and hung out with my cousin for a few weeks. On the surface, the young girls maintain a good image for their families as honor is a big thing. So, to the moms and the aunts and neighbors, they are honorable by Indian standards. But there's a lot more going on! I am not saying this of every girl, but I noticed with her, a hidden side. There were messages on phones, flirting with boys when away from parents and talks of 'proposals'. This was alien to me, as in the west, most people are very open! If someone wants to date, they date in the open. I was astonished at the efforts put into maintaining both sides this girl's life.

    I have this to say: If you are a hardworking, honest person, do not let people who play dirty get you down. It doesn't matter if it's an attractive woman/man, a person with money, status, etc. This is a test, either you believe in yourself and SEE the other person as the slimy false person they are, and MOVE on...or You blame yourself for being manipulated. It's Ok to feel shame at being Manipulated. But don't get sucked into a mentality where you live this person's sad reality of you. Cut her off. Start focusing on your studies and family, things that make you happy. Clearly you're talented/smart, you owe that to the world.

    This is one of many brainless idiots you will come across, who's only sense of identity comes from sucking the power and strength out of others. Don't let her Win!
     
  6. Navdeep88

    Navdeep88 Canada
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    Btw, if you're in Love with her, you know she manipulated you. How do you know the beauty she presents to you isn't completely false? She's sucked the life out of you for now. Any relationship where one person wants to Completely control the other and have all of the power is a recipe for disaster.
    If there's a woman waiting down the road, in a couple of years, who will respect you and be compatible for the adult you are becoming, or this girl, with her characteristics, who would you pick? Who would your parents pick?

    It's ok to feel ashamed at being used/manipulated, everyone experiences it. As you become older, you'll know there's defining line between the caring family/close friends you've been blessed with, who will love you unconditionally, and people in the world. These people can vary from nice smart people you want to know more, to people who hate you for your confidence, or anything else you may have. You'll learn to deal with the second type by recognizing them and standing your ground. At your innermost innocence you will wish they didn't behave the way they do, but if they continue to be a nuisance to you and use their dirty tactics, you must stand your ground and continue to do what you need to for your life. Eventually they will get the hint that you don't care for them and leave you alone.
     
    #5 Navdeep88, Sep 20, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2016
  7. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    Hopeful Ji,

    read the Mool Manter....The amazing attributes of waheguru Ji that it describes...those are your attributes also...one and the same, all in one and one in all...

    Don't beat yourself up...just know, whilst we are here on this earth...we will make a crap load of mistakes...our mind will drive is nuts...but never forget what i wrote in the first paragraph...

    Keep your head up and ride the storm of life...you are allowing yourself to be controlled...your fight is not with this girl...your fight is with your own mind...all that which plays out before you is highlighting to you just what you need to work on...work on it, and you will walk away from this person once and for all or at least deal with things better...

    you are pure....your mind is filth...
    i am pure...my mind is filth...
    lets work on that filth....and the purity will become apparent.

    God bless ji
     

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