Acceptance of Death: A Basic Precept
Bhupinder Singh*
* Principal Piping Engineer. Fluor Corp. USA. Email: bo.singh@fluor.com
Recently we had a death in the family. The death was at a real ripe age but there were associated health problems preceding the death. I was wondering that I may be in a death-bed like that one day, but I may wish to leave the body without a struggle in medical terms. The old age should not warrant confinement to the hospitals and nursing homes alone. The effort to prolong the life should not get translated into prolonging the suffering. The vagaries of age can make one infirm, weak and also in pain, but it should not result in waiting for death to come and put an end to all the sufferings. Is there any thing that could be done to improve those odds?
When one visits hospitals one can see old patients on life saving devices. The doctors and the family members are working against the clock to save the life of the patient and to prolong life. Death has become a symbol failure against the life. Death has ceased to mean as a final progression of life. Interestingly Dr. Sherwin B. Nuland in his book How We Die has also expressed the similar sentiments in these words; “It is also the recognition that the real event at the end of our life is our death, not an attempt to prevent it.”
Suddenly I remembered about the last days of Guru Nanak Dev ji. Till the end, he was active in Kartarpur farming his wheat fields and singing hymns in praise of God. The community at Kartarpur drinking in the inspiration of his divine songs and from his personal aura learnt from the master, the art of loving worship of the Lord. At the human level we see from Guru Ji’s life that he kept a very active pace of life both physically and mentally. When the call came from heaven, Guru Ji told the crowds that they would make him happy if they rejoiced with him on his return. He sang a song of joy and asked all those around him to join in singing the wedding song. The song is:
“jY Gir kIriq AwKIAY krqy kw hoie bIcwro ] iqqu Gir gwvhu soihlw isvirhu isrjxhwro ]1] qum gwvhu myry inrBau kw soihlw ] hau vwrI ijqu soihlY sdw suKu hoie ]1] rhwau ] inq inq jIAVy smwlIAin dyKYgw dyvxhwru ] qyry dwnY kImiq nw pvY iqsu dwqy kvxu sumwru ]2] sMbiq swhw iliKAw imil kir pwvhu qylu ] dyhu sjx AsIsVIAw ijau hovY swihb isau mylu ]3] Gir Gir eyho pwhucw sdVy inq pvMin ] sdxhwrw ismrIAY nwnk sy idh AwvMin ]4]1]”
“Jai ghar keerat aakhee-ai kartae kaa hoe beechaaro. {censored} ghar gaavahu sohila sivarihu sirajanehaaro.1. Tum gaavahu maerae nirabho kaa sohilaa. Hau vaaree jith sohilai sadhaa sukh ho-e. Rahaao. Nit nit jeearrae samaaleean dhaekhai-gaa devan-haar. Terae daanai keemat naa pavai tis daatae kavan sumaar. 2. Sambat saahaa likhiaa mil kar paavahu tel. Dehu sajan aseesarree-aa jio hovai sahib sio mael. 3. Ghar ghar eaeho paahuchaa sadh-rhe nit pavan. Sadhan-haaraa simareeai Naanak sae deh aavann. 4. 1.”
Meaning:
Sing the praises of the Creator from the mind which contemplates his excellences. Sing now my wedding song (of praise), from the mind which dwells on the Universal Creator. Sing, all of you sing, the song of praises of my God, who is above fear. I am sacrifice to the song of Praise that brings everlasting joy. [Pause] He is the bestower who looks after us and takes care of all of us. Even his (bounties) are beyond evaluation, how can we evaluate the bestower of the bounties. [2] The time of departure from this world is fixed, so come together and pour the oil of blessing. Oh my friends bless me that I may unite with my Lord. [3] Every home (in body form) in due time receives these messages (of departure from this world). In fact these messages are delivered every day, every moment. (Nanak says! Oh friends!) Let us dwell on the One who sends out these messages, for the day of our departure is getting closer every moment. [4].
Now, this Shabad or song is a part of the daily night’s prayer before going to bed for a Sikh. Guru Ji, by his death’s example has set a tone for us to remember that death is not tragic end of life but a celebration of return to the Creator. He also made us remember death every night before going to bed. In fact there are anecdotes from Guru Ji’s life where he asked his companions Bala and Mardana as to how far they could see their lives. Guru Ji, after hearing their answers and being asked by them to share his own insight told them that I am sure of the breath that I have taken in, but am not sure of the next one. This little anecdote tells us that Guru Ji constantly remembered death.
However, when we look at our lives, we find that we are completely enveloped in trying to get going with our lives. We are concerned about our careers, ********s, family, house, children, and new cars. In the process our own death appears so remote that we assume that we are invincible. But, when someone close and dear to us dies, we cry as if some untold incident has taken place. Guru Ji portrays this picture as:
“EhI EhI ikAw krhu hY hosI soeI ] qum rovhugy Es no qum@ kau kauxu roeI ]”
“
Ooee Ooee kiya karoh, hai ho-see so-ee. Tum rowvohgehi ous noo, tum ko kauan ro-ee.” (SGGS: 418)
Meaning:
Why do you sob and cry at the death of a close one? That Lord is present now and will be ever present. If you cry at the death of close one, who will wail for you when your time comes?
Because of our preoccupation with becoming successful, we don’t step back and look at the big picture to see what is going on. Is this it? Is that all of it? Is that all that I want? Am I missing something? Am I having a feeling of being empty? We need someone to wake us up and make us probe in that direction. That won’t happen automatically, therefore Guru Ji has written about it to provoke us to start thinking about it. At present we think that if we gain acceptance of being successful in the eyes of others then we are successful. We have defined our success in terms of material gain; bigger houses, new cars, etc. Because, that is what others can see of us to evaluate if we are successful or not, and then be held in higher esteem. However, the successful life as Guru Ji has defined is the life which is approved and accepted by God. That yardstick is not tangible so it has been pushed to the side and everyone is in a race to become more successful materially than the other. In order to bring the non tangible aspects of life into focus, Guru Ji has described the scenario of the fate after death.
When that scenario plays before our eyes, it will awaken us. It will enkindle a thought about the purpose of life because we will constantly remember that I have to die too. The remembrance of death opens another vista, where we can imagine as to how we would like to be remembered by others at our own funeral. Better still will be if one takes to heart Guru Ji’s words and transform them into a mission statement:
“BeI prwpiq mwnuK dyhurIAw ] goibMd imlx kI ieh qyrI brIAw ] Avir kwj qyrY ikqY n kwm ] imlu swDsMgiq Bju kyvl nwm ]1] srMjwim lwgu Bvjl qrn kY ] jnmu ibRQw jwq rMig mwieAw kY ]”
“Bha-ee parapat maanukh dayhuree-aa. Gobind Milan kee eh tayree bar-ee-aa. Avar kaaj tayrai kitai na kaam. Mil Sadh sangat bhaj kayval naam. Saranjaam lag bhavjal taran kai. Janam britha jaat rang maa-ee-aa kai.” (SGGS: 12)
Meaning:
Having received the gift of human body, it has bestowed you with a unique opportunity to meet Lord. All other efforts are of no avail, so in the company (guidance of) of the holy, make remembrance of Naam your sole initiative. Prepare and dedicate yourself to crossing the sea of worldliness. Your life is being dissipated in the pursuit of illusion (maya or material world).
Facing the death, changes the perspective of the way we view ourselves and our world. We will see the world differently and strip it of all the chaff and look at the core, the essential and vital aspects. So what is to be done? In Farid Ji’s words:
“PrIdw jn@I kMmI nwih gux qy kMmVy ivswir ] mqu srimMdw QIvhI sWeI dY drbwir ]”
“Farida jinee kamee naahe gun tae kamreh visaar. Mut Sarminda theevaee saaee da-ae darbar”
Meaning:
Farid says – Abandon those deeds that don’t produce any virtues, otherwise you will be put to shame in the Lord’s court.
So we can see that Guru’s have incorporated Farid Ji’s word to tell us that these are compatible with Guru’s own thought process and we all need to become virtuous. These words are not just congruent with Guru Ji’s thought process, but also worthy of same veneration as they have been included in Guru Granth Sahib by Guru Ji. Guru Ji says that for acquiring virtues, ego has to be removed:
“gurmuiK gux vyhwJIAih mlu haumY kFY Doie ]”
“Gurmukh gun wayhaajeeahai mul haumai kadah dhoae.”
Meaning: The virtues are acquired by the seeker through the Guru, and the dirt, sin of egoism is washed off.
Now, how to get rid of the ego is a problem? Guru ji has provided an answer for it.
“haumY dIrG rogu hY dwrU BI iesu mwih ] ikrpw kry jy AwpxI qw gur kw sbdu kmwih ]”
“Haumai deerag rog hai daaroo bhee is mahe. Kirpaa Karae je aapnee ta gur ka shabad kama-hae.”
Meaning:
Ego is a chronic disease but the cure for it is also within the human body. If the Lord bestows his grace, then one transforms his life according to Guru’s teachings.
Once the life transformation process is initiated, then ego’s grip will start weakening. Slowly and slowly its grip will loosen, then one can rid oneself of the false self, or ego. Ego has continual appetite for all there is, and it is never satisfied. In Hazrat Inyat Khan’s words:
“It is the realization of innumerable fault which makes one humble and effaces the little self from one’s consciousness. And it is in the effacement of the self that real spiritual attainment lies.” (Hazrat Inyat Khan; Mastery: Page 135)
So our earnest effort will be to efface this ego. When ego is effaced under Guru’s guidance then naam fills in there.
Guru Ji has defined how naam can be acquired in these words:
“Awpu mwry qw pwey nwau ]”
“Aap maareh taa paae naao.”
Meaning: If one effaces ego then only he obtains naam.
Then, Guru ji has clarified that polar opposite relationship of naam and ego:
“haumY nwvY nwil ivroDu hY duie n vsih iek Twie ]”
“Haumai naavai naal virodh hai, doae na Vasai ik dhaae.”
Meaning: Ego is enemy of naam. The two cannot stay together in one place.
So, what effort has to be made to attain naam?
“sqgur kw Bwxw mMin leI ivchu Awpu gvwie ] eyhw syvw cwkrI nwmu vsY min Awie ] nwmY hI qy suKu pweIAY scY sbid suhwie ]”
“Satgur ka bhana mun laee vichon aap gavaae. Ehaa seva chakaree naam vassai mun aa-ae. Nammai he teh sukh paeeai, sachai shabad suhaaae.” (SGGS: 34)
Meaning:
Submission to the Will of God is the way to get rid of ego. This is the service by which naam dwells in the mind. Remembrance of naam provides bliss and it makes the life beautiful.
No wonder Guru Ji has laid great emphasis on the remembrance of naam. Because with naam ego has to be displaced, therefore Guru Ji wants us to make optimal use of this opportunity to remember naam. Naam will be the harbinger of bliss. So, Guru Ji is trying to inspire us with these words to embark on remembrance:
“eIhw Kwit clhu hir lwhw AwgY bsnu suhylw ]”
“Eehaan khaatt chalaho har laahaa, aagai basan suhaelaa.”
Meaning: Earn the profit of naam here (in this world) and depart with it, so that you will live blissfully hereafter.
One who learns how to die while alive learns how to kill ego, this in turn develops the intrinsic motivation. By developing intrinsic motivation one does not depend upon external approval or recognition for measuring one’s own success in life. Their motivation is fuelled by knowing the purpose of life. Those who depend on external motivation for their drive cannot stand up to tough challenges nor have a long-term commitment. But internal motivation provides them that fuel that helps them weather setbacks and maintain focus and have a strong mental attitude. It is because of their commitment, and understanding of the ego traits they completely purge their ego.
Once ego is completely purged and grace is obtained, one’s life becomes richer with the inner wealth. Because knowing the purpose of life, one has set a lofty ideal for himself/herself and in setting that ideal, one can soar from Earth to Heaven. When one soars mentally in the heavens then old age will come, but the effects of old age will be obliterated. The aging process is part of nature’s working, but the side effects of sickness can be avoided. It is for this reason Guru Ji has declared that naam is cure for all the diseases. Guru Ji is guaranteeing it with these words:
“srb rog kw AauKdu nwmu ]”
“Sarab rog kaa aoukhadh naam.”
Meaning:
The naam is the panacea, the remedy to cure all ills.
In addition it has been said that the person will not be affected by the vagaries of the old age as in these words:
“jrw mrw kCu dUKu n ibAwpY AwgY drgh pUrn kwm ]”
“
Jaraa maraa kachh dhookh na biyapeh, aagai dhargai pooran kaam.”
Meaning:
The pains of old age and death shall not make one miserable. After death in the court of the Lord the success is assured.
We can see that Guru Ji has clearly defined that if the objective of life is clearly understood and one has worked toward its fulfillment, then neither the old age nor death can impair the quality of life at the later age. This is again amply demonstrated from the life of Guru Amar Das Ji who lived to the ripe old age of ninety five (95) years.
Guru Ji’s teaching is unique in the sense that it is asking us to prepare for our death. We plan for our children’s education, their wedding, and our own retirements but we fail to plan for our own death. Here is some flavoring of some current thinking on the issues of death.
“Our expectations as a culture for end-of-life care are too low.” –
Dr. Ira Byock; Dying Well
“When it comes to dying, pain comes in many flavors.” – Robert Wrenn
Octavio Paz the famous Mexican poet reminds us that the civilization that denies death ends by denying life. Our Gurus have written about life and have written about death as well. We have failed to embrace that aspect as it creates a fear. But Guru’s teaching tells to die while one is alive so that fear of death is eliminated and every moment of life becomes celebration and then Guru Ji says even life after death also becomes a celebration.
We have seen that Guru Ji is not a taker of life but he is a giver of life. Even when Guru Gobind Singh Ji asked for heads in Anandpur Sahib, he bestowed a new life in the five who offered their heads. He gave them eternal life and made them his beloved Sikhs. Every Sikh, everyday, everywhere when they offer their prayers, immortalize the saga of five beloved by remembering them as an integral part of the prayer. By invoking their names in our prayers we are not only immortalizing their saga alone, but it also serves as an inspiration for us that we can be transformed too. When we offer our head to our Guru, we can join the elite whom we honor daily in our prayers. By dying the death of ego we can live an eternal life. That is the role and message of Guru Ji; that we can transform death to life. The death is not a physical death but the death of ego. Because with our mind we have associated ourselves with our body, but Guru Ji wants to change it to association with the Immortal God.
Even if the sickness and hospitalization becomes a reality with the old age still the end does not have to be in defiance fighting for life. Again I would like to quote from Dr. Sherwin Nuland:
“The medical training makes doctors treat old age as an adversary, but it does not have to be treated as that.”
Instead Gurus and Bhagats have shown that death should not be a cause of mourning but of celebration. Here are few quotes that reflect this view point.
“sPl sPl BeI sPl jwqRw ]”
“Safal safal bhaee safal jaatraa” (SGGS: 687)
Meaning:
My life journey has become fruitful, fruitful, and fruitful.
By saying it thrice Guru Arjan Dev Ji has underscored its significance and relevance. Now let us see what Namdev Ji says:
“sPl jnmu mo kau gur kInw ]”
“Safal janam mo kau gur keena” (SGGS: 857)
Meaning:
The Guru has made my life fruitful (successful).
The death of a close one is a call that reminds us that our turn is coming too. Guru Ji has shown that potential and the reach of human beings. If the death and the knowledge can galvanize us to explore our true potential, soar and then experience the soul, it will change our perspective too. When one is clear that one has accomplished what is there to accomplish, makes one free from the rat race of the world. One has understood and experienced that being is not a body but the soul thus the fear of death also departs. Kabir has expressed that feeling in these words:
“kbIr ijsu mrny qy jgu frY myry min Awnµdu ] mrny hI qy pweIAY pUrnu prmwnµdu ]”
“Kabir jis maranae thae jag ddarai maerae mun anand. Maranae hee thae paaeeai pooran paramaanand.
Meaning:
Kabir, the world is afraid of death - that death fills my mind with bliss. It is only by death that perfect, supreme bliss is obtained.
Let us pray to Guru Ji that it may become our experience too. It will not just eliminate the fear of death but it will take us to the new heights where it is anticipated as final end in the physical form and becoming one with God living for ever.
Acceptance of Death: A Basic Precept
