from my blog... fanna is the sufi term for annihilation of the ego, union with God. it literally means "extinction" or "death". poets use it to describe the complete loss of self in true love... or in sikh terms, "ek jot doe murti" - one light (soul) two bodies. the ultimate ideal for husband and wife. while i long for the poetic fanaa, i NEED the spritual fanaa. i need Waheguru to kill my ego, my "me", so that i can finally meet him. i need my drop to become one with the ocean. raamakalee mehalaa 1 ||Raamkalee, First Mehla: saagar mehi boo(n)dh boo(n)dh mehi saagar kavan bujhai bidhh jaanai || The drop is in the ocean, and the ocean is in the drop. Who understands, and knows this? outhabhuj chalath aap kar cheenai aapae thath pashhaanai ||1|| He Himself creates the wondrous play of the world. He Himself contemplates it, and understands its true essence. ||1|| aisaa giaan beechaarai koee || How rare are those who contemplate this spiritual wisdom. this thae mukath param gath hoee ||1|| rehaao || Through this, the supreme state of liberation is attained. ||1||Pause|| is it wrong to ask God to kill me? it's become a mantra of sorts... fanaa, fanaa, fanaa, kill me, kill me, kill me... not physically of course, but please, God destroy this ego that separates me from you. break down this wall. allow me to merge in your light... but how to accomplish this? how to do it? only through the True Guru can i have my fanaa. guramathee har paaeeai jothee joth milaae || Through the Guru's Teachings, the Lord is found, and one's light merges into the Light. it always comes back to Guru ji, doesn't it. through the Guru's teachings... i do my nitnem bani every day... sukhmani sahib once a week. listen to kirtan when i'm in the car. but how much am i learning, and how much am i reciting? by saying the words every day, am i really getting closer to my fanaa? i need to dive deeper. what's missing from my routine? simran. every day, amrit vela simran, without fail. without excuses. but there's always an excuse when it comes to amrit vela... shha(n)th || Chhant: ab man shhoott gaeiaa saadhhoo sa(n)g milae || My mind is now emancipated; I have joined the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy. guramukh naam laeiaa jothee joth ralae || As Gurmukh, I chant the Naam, and my light has merged into the Light. har naam simarath mittae kilabikh bujhee thapath aghaaniaa || Remembering the Lord's Name in meditation, my sins have been erased; the fire has been extinguished, and I am satisfied. gehi bhujaa leenae dhaeiaa keenae aapanae kar maaniaa || He has taken me by the arm, and blessed me with His kind mercy; He has accepted me His own. lai a(n)k laaeae har milaaeae janam maranaa dhukh jalae || The Lord has hugged me in His embrace, and merged me with Himself; the pains of birth and death have been burnt away. binava(n)th naanak dhaeiaa dhhaaree mael leenae eik palae ||4||2|| Prays Nanak, He has blessed me with His kind mercy; in an instant, He unites me with Himself. ||4||2|| i will find my fanaa... with a little dedication and a LOT of GurParsaad... what do you think... am i on the right track here? maybe a little crazy? and why is amritvela so hard???