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Denial/ਇਨਕਾਰ

Discussion in 'Sikh Sikhi Sikhism' started by vsgrewal48895, Apr 12, 2009.

  1. vsgrewal48895

    vsgrewal48895
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    DENIAL/ਇਨਕਾਰ

    ABSTRACT

    ਜੇਤੀ ਹੈ ਤੇਤੀ ਕਿਹੁ ਨਾਹੀ ॥ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਗਿਆਨ ਭੇਟਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਹੀ ॥ ​

    Jėṯī hai ṯėṯī kihu nāhī. Gurmukẖ gi­ān bẖėt guṇ gāhī.

    Of little worth is all visible existence and those illumined, disregard its lure under Guru’s guidance and Divine laudation.
    -----Guru Nanak, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 226-19

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) is the psychological process by which human beings protect themselves from the reality of things that threaten them. It blocks the knowledge of those things from their awareness. Humans in the world are in denial of the 21st century and are still living in the old times. They can safely face the present reality by cultivating virtues as described by Guru Arjan;​

    ਮਿਤ ਕਾ ਚਿਤੁ ਅਨੂਪੁ ਮਰੰਮੁ ਨ ਜਾਨੀਐ ॥ਗਾਹਕ ਗੁਨੀ ਅਪਾਰ ਸੁ ਤਤੁ ਪਛਾਨੀਐ ॥

    Miṯ kā cẖiṯ anūp maramm na jānī▫ai. Gāhak gunī apār so ṯaṯ pacẖẖānī¬ai.

    Unique is the Divine Friend’s heart of unknowable mystery. One who seeks limitless merits realizes Its Essence. -----Guru Arjan, Funhay Mahla 5, AGGS, Page, 1362-14

    Change is inevitable. It is a fact of life. It occurs with time in every aspect of life. Myths abound about change on the horizon. Some myths are promoted by vested interests. To be in denial of change that occurs with the passage of time, serves no purpose. We have a choice to fight against the current or accept and go with the flow. We can fight the change or embrace it. This choice to meet the change must be faced with an open mind and from the depths of heart. Despite a natural tendency to resist change, we should not be reluctant to understand our changing world.

    Denial is a defense, which distorts reality; it keeps us from feeling the pain and uncomfortable truth about things we do not want to face.

    ਸਹਸ ਅਠਾਰਹ ਕਹਨਿ ਕਤੇਬਾ ਅਸੁਲੂ ਇਕੁ ਧਾਤੁ ॥

    Sahas aṯẖārah kahan kaṯėbā asulū ik ḏẖāṯ.

    Muslim scriptures say that there are 18,000 worlds, but in reality, there is only One Essence. -----Guru Nanak, japji, AGGS, Page, 5-3

    If we cannot foresee the consequences of our actions, then everything may seem fine. And we can continue to live without making any changes. Denial (ਨਾਬਰੀ) is automatic; it is not usually a matter of deliberate lying or willful deception. People are blinded to the fact that their view of the situation does not conform to reality. The denial system distorts their perception and impairs their judgment. So they become self-deluded and incapable of accurate self-awareness. Guru Arjan in Sri Raag writes;

    ਮਾਨ ਅਭਿਮਾਨ ਮੰਧੇ ਸੋ ਸੇਵਕੁ ਨਾਹੀ ॥ ਤਤ ਸਮਦਰਸੀ ਸੰਤਹੁ ਕੋਈ ਕੋਟਿ ਮੰਧਾਹੀ ॥

    Mān abẖimān manḏẖe so sevak nāhī. Ŧaṯ samaḏrasī sanṯahu ko¬ī kot manḏẖāhī.

    One moved by thoughts of honor and dishonor is not a true devotee. One in millions is the Devotee of God, enlightened to Its essence. -----Guru Arjan, Sri Raag, AGGS, Page, 51-14

    Denial (ਨਾਂਹ ਨੁਕਰ) comes in many forms. Denial is normally about some human conditions or situations -- relationships, someone’s behavior, health, or family affairs, etc. We all want everything to "be fine." We have denial to shield us from pain.
    Denial has to be eventually replaced by truth and its acceptance as advised by Guru Nanak in Raag Maru and Guru Amardas in Sri Raag;

    ਸੇ ਛੂਟੇ ਸਚੁ ਕਾਰ ਕਮਾਈ ॥ਅਹਿਨਿਸਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਰਤੇ ਵੀਚਾਰੀ ਠਾਕੁਰ ਸਿਉ ਬਣਿ ਆਈ ਹੇ ॥

    Sė cẖẖūtė sacẖ kār kamā¬ī. Ahinis bẖagaṯ raṯė vīcẖārī ṯẖākur si¬o baṇ ā¬ī hė.

    They alone find release, who leads a life of honest dealings. Day and night, the devotees remain immersed in contemplative meditation; they become just like their Akal Purkh and Master. -----Guru Nanak, Raag Maru, AGGS, Page, 1024-4

    ਬਿਨੁ ਪ੍ਰੀਤੀ ਭਗਤਿ ਨ ਹੋਵਈ ਬਿਨੁ ਸਬਦੈ ਥਾਇ ਨ ਪਾਇ ॥ ਸਬਦੇ ਹਉਮੈ ਮਾਰੀਐ ਮਾਇਆ ਕਾ ਭ੍ਰਮੁ ਜਾਇ ॥ਨਾਮੁ ਪਦਾਰਥੁ ਪਾਈਐ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਸਹਜਿ ਸੁਭਾਇ ॥

    Bin parīṯī bẖagaṯ na hova¬ī bin sabḏai thā¬ė na pā¬ė. Sabḏė ha¬umai mārī¬ai mā¬i¬ā kā bẖaram jā¬ė. Nām paḏārath pā¬ī¬ai gurmukẖ sahj subẖā¬ė.

    Without love, there is no devotional worship. Without the Sabd, no one finds acceptance. Through the Sabd, egotism is conquered and subdued, and the illusion of Maya is dispelled. The Guru willed obtains the Treasure of the Naam with intuitive ease. -----Guru Amardas, Sri Raag, AGGS, Page, 67-5

    Denial may foster feeling of anger, fear, shame, and isolation. Instead of being cold and cut off from them and the others, we can learn to be warm and begin to grow again.

    ਹੇ ਕਲਿ ਮੂਲ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੰ ਕਦੰਚ ਕਰੁਣਾ ਨ ਉਪਰਜਤੇ ॥ਬਿਖਯੰਤ ਜੀਵੰ ਵਸ੍ਯ੍ਯੰ ਕਰੋਤਿ ਨਿਰਤ੍ਯ੍ਯੰ ਕਰੋਤਿ ਜਥਾ ਮਰਕਟਹ ॥

    Hė kal mūl kroḏẖ¬aʼn kaḏancẖ karuṇā na uparjaṯė. Bikẖ¬yanṯ jīvaʼn vas¬yaʼn karoṯ nirṯ¬yaʼn karoṯ jathā marakteh.

    O, Anger, the source of strife, a person haunted by your presence within, may never receive Akal Purkh’s Grace. In fact, whosoever comes under your control jumps and dances around like a monkey. -----Guru Arjan, Sloke Sahskriti, AGGS, Page 1358-6

    People tend to ward off attacks on their denial through a variety of defense mechanisms. Some defenses are conscious and we are aware of them. Others are subconscious. We use both to keep our denial intact. We use all forms of denial, although there are some that become our favorites. Here are the more common forms of defenses:

    1. SIMPLE DENIAL (ਨਾਂਹ ਨੁਕਰ): Simply denying a fact.

    2. MINIMIZING: Minimizing is admitting the problem to some degree but doing so in such a way that it appears to be much less serious than it actually is.

    3. RATIONALIZING: It is making excuses to justify one’s behavior in a particular situation. The behavior is not denied but an inaccurate explanation of its cause is given.

    4. INTELLECTUALIZING or GENERALIZING: Intellectualizing is avoiding emotional or personal awareness of a problem. A particular situation or conduct is explained in such theoretical terms that it comes to be viewed in vague and general terms.

    5. BLAMING: Blaming is used to shift the responsibility for wrong doing from the actual culprit to someone else. In such a projection, the behavior is not denied, but its cause is placed 'out there', not within the person doing it.

    6. DIVERSION: Diversion is changing the subject to avoid a subject that is felt to be threatening.

    7. BARGAINING: Bargaining is cutting deals or setting conditions as to when the circumstances will be right to address the problem.

    8. PASSIVITY: Passivity is ignoring the situation, or being its victim. "I've tried to be good before, but my emotions are stronger than me." "There's nothing I can do." "If only I had more will power..." are examples of passivity.

    9. HOSTILITY: Hostility occur when the person becomes angry or unpleasantly irritable when the behavior of his subject is mentioned, scaring or threatening people away from discussing it.

    Denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) is not usually a matter of deliberate lying or willful deception. Those in denial are blinded to the fact that their view of the situation does not conform to reality.

    The denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) system distorts their perception and impairs their judgment so they become self-deluded and incapable of accurate self-awareness.

    Conclusion:

    Denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) is progressive. The denial system becomes increasingly more pervasive and entrenched as the time goes by. In the early stages its impact may be minimal. With some encouragement, those in denial can usually view their situation fairly realistically. However, over time a person's illusion can get aggravated. Even when others consider the problem as serious, the one in denial may have already developed an elaborate system of defenses shielding him or she from seeing what is really happening. When you argue with reality, you lose - but only 100% of the time. To understand reality is not the same as to know about outward events. It is to perceive the essential nature of things. The best-informed man is not necessarily the wisest. Indeed there is a danger that precisely in the multiplicity of his knowledge he will lose sight of what is essential. But on the other hand, knowledge of an apparently trivial detail quite often makes it possible to see into the depth of things. And so the wise man will seek to acquire the best possible knowledge about events, but always without becoming dependent upon this knowledge. To recognize the significant in the factual is wisdom. Reality does not conform to the ideal, but confirms it and leaves a lot to the imagination.

    Reality is defined as the quality or state in the totality of all things possessing actuality, existence, or essence. Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -----Albert Einstein

    ਨਿਰਗੁਣੁ ਸਰਗੁਣੁ ਆਪੇ ਸੋਈ ॥ ਤਤੁ ਪਛਾਣੈ ਸੋ ਪੰਡਿਤੁ ਹੋਈ ॥

    Nirguṇ sarguṇ āpė so­ī. Ŧaṯ pacẖẖāṇai so pandiṯ ho¬ī.

    The Akal Purkh It self is Unmanifest and Unrelated; Those who recognize this essential reality are the true spiritual scholars. -----Guru Amar Das, Raag Majh, AGGS, Page, 128-13

    Virinder S. Grewal
     
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  2. japjisahib04

    japjisahib04 Kuwait
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    I hundred percent agree with you but I wonder despite knowledge of above and sixty times reading of SGGS, how come you chose selective tuks from SGGS in order to enfoce your point and when faced with reality start generalizing gurdwara issue and other things but preach other lifting the veil of lower instincts (in your word).
    Best regrds
    Sahni Mohinder
     
  3. vsgrewal48895

    vsgrewal48895
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    Dear Sahni Ji,

    What are those issues? Could you please elaborate?

    Regards.

    Virinder
     
  4. japjisahib04

    japjisahib04 Kuwait
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    Virinder Ji,
    There is a total denial by you when confronted with my very reasonable approach in discussion on Hair thread and I am wondering whether denial article and hair discussion are written by one person. I still remember when I pointed out that your pankti is out of context. Your response was as follow, ' It is the individual mental peace (Tranquility) or individual spiritual experience which can make him/her understand Its mystery. Spiritual experience cannot be duplicated or shown. So your question is out of place. There are 6.5 billion people in this world while the people with hairs may be 1.5 million and out of them how many has attained serenity? Every day ratio wise we hear what do they do in the Gurudwaras etc. Question is that these 1.5 million always talk about hair or other symbols but not of virtues and good deeds. Guru Nanak specifically condemned all religious symbols. You mean to say that Sikh symbols are superior to Hindu frontal mark or sacred thread. When will you stop judging others? Each individual should be concerned about his/her spirituality.
    Let us finally agree to disagree as usual. I have already requested for the moderators to end this thread as it is getting no where. My original comments were that this is a sensitive thread and no where it is written in AGGS that cutting the hair interferes in individual spirituality thus answering the question of the individual.'

    Your above comments forced many members to interefere and as such the thread ended with bad taste.
    Best regards
    Sahni Mohinder
     
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    #4 japjisahib04, Apr 13, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2009
  5. pk70

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    I agree, it is applicable to all of us.
    In practical world when someone talks nice and quotes Gurbani to support that nice talk, many Gurbani believers bow their heads in respect; however, when they notice the same individual lacks all those virtues he/she talks about, the person falls low in the eyes of those people who once bowed to him. Virtues are diamond, they look beautiful when we just talk about them but they overhaul a person when they are applied in life. My falls tell me every day how closely I missed virtues and I feel worthless. Here is a wakeup call
    ਮਤੁ ਜਾਣ ਸਹਿ ਗਲੀ ਪਾਇਆ ॥(SGGS 24)
    Ma sėh galī pāiā.
    Do not think by mere talking Husband Lord is obtained
     
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  6. vsgrewal48895

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    Dear Sahni Ji,

    We are on this discussion from the last five years and last time it ended with the reference of Guru Nanak in Asa Di Vaar. Now it ends that one can not have two standards. You want to be loved love others. You want to be respected respect others. Hate does not take any where love begets love.
    I can respond in many ways but this time I decided to thank you for your unwarrented personal attack. I will not respond to you any more as you have nothing else but slander

    Slander is the revenge of a coward, and dissimulation his defense. Slander cannot destroy an honest man and when flood recedes rock is still there. The worthiest people are the most injured by slander, as is the best fruit which the birds have been picking at. One should get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Each individual has his/her own spiritual experiences of life as he/she under stands according to his/her understanding.

    ਮੀਠੇ ਕਉ ਕਉੜਾ ਕਹੈ ਕੜੂਏ ਕਉ ਮੀਠਾ ॥ ਰਾਤੇ ਕੀ ਨਿੰਦਾ ਕਰਹਿ ਐਸਾ ਕਲਿ ਮਹਿ ਡੀਠਾ ॥

    Mīṯẖe ka▫o ka▫uṛā kahai kaṛū▫e ka▫o mīṯẖā. Rāṯe kī ninḏā karahi aisā kal mėh dīṯẖā.

    That which is sweet is said to be bitter, and the bitter is said to be sweet. One who is imbued with the Akal Purkh’s Love is slandered - I have seen it in this Dark Age of Kali Yuga says Nanak -----Guru Nanak, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 229-7
    Regards,
    Virinder
     
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  7. pk70

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    Slandering sometimes misunderstood, some use it as weapon to protect themselves. If anyone questions others views in context of Gurbani-distortion or misinterpretation or cooked up History or to question those who falsify facts about basics of Sikhism to obtain degrees, it is not slandering, if some feels that a very unfair thing is being said and one remains silent thinking it will be slandering if the person is questioned, it is disservice to Guru actually. Seventh Nanak severed his relation with his own son Ram Rai just because he misinterpreted and changed Guru Nanak’s Vaak; Any slandering, triggered by one’s own ego, superiority, lack of that virtues that others have or to mock at those who have got imbued with Him and do not stand align with the society is highly condemned in Gurbani otherwise, Guru himself took on those who were hypocrites, exploiters and advocating duality, control the people with tyranny, was it slandering? No, not at all. Read the following Guru Vaak how Guru ji takes on those who have forgotten the Creator and do what their mind says to do
    ਨਾਮਬਿਨਾਝੂਠੇ
    ਕੁਚਲਕਛੋਤਿ॥(SGGS 831)
    Nām binā jūṯẖe kucal kacẖẖo.

    Without the Naam of the Creator, people become false, filthy and untouchable.
    Is it slandering? It is the truth Guru looks at and inspires us to realize that without Him, how dirty we become, how contagious we play
    The following quote (given by respected VSGREWAL Ji) of Gurbani talks about slandering in context of true devotees of the Creator and those who get drowned in duality they slander the true devotees
    ਮੀਠੇ ਕਉ ਕਉੜਾ ਕਹੈ ਕੜੂਏ ਕਉ ਮੀਠਾ ਰਾਤੇ ਕੀ ਨਿੰਦਾ ਕਰਹਿ ਐਸਾ ਕਲਿ ਮਹਿ ਡੀਠਾ
    Source:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=24572

    ṯẖe kao kauā kahai kaūe kao mīṯẖā. Rāe kī ninā karahi aisā kal mėh dīṯẖā.

    That which is sweet is said to be bitter, and the bitter is said to be sweet. One who is imbued with the Akal Purkh’s Love is slandered - I have seen it in this Dark Age of Kali Yuga says Nanak -----Guru Nanak, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 229-7
    Actually it means, today known as Kalyug, though His Name is sweet but it appears bitter (useless) to the people in Maya and Maya which is actually bitter, appears sweet to them. Due to this they slander those who are imbued with the Creator.
     
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  8. spnadmin

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    pk70 ji

    It is great to hear from you on this point. You are correct -- the use of the word "slander" is one of the most hurtful statements one Sikh can make against another Sikh. Simple disagreement, the statement of something that is not consistent with one's own understanding, is not slander. Yet, how many times have we seen the accusation of slander. What is particularly helpful in your words is that you stress that Guru Nanak Himself had a strong sense of moral outrage and when he observed actions that were driven by base natures he spoke clearly and strongly against that. He did not mince words. His vision was clear as a sky without clouds or mist.

    There are times when the accusation of slander is slander itself because it is based on assumptions and untruths that have damaging consequences for the one who so accused. And that is slander. I sincerely hope that whenever the word appears anywhere again in the forum that I remember to quote your words so that people will get the record straight. :advocate:
     
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  9. Gyani Jarnail Singh

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    AAD ji,
    Gurfateh.

    You have said the "unsaidable"....like placing the ocean in the glass !!
    Slander..Nindiyah..is such a word loved by so many...
    Expose the hypocrite Sant..and his chelas shout..NINDIYA...Havent you read sukhmani Sahib ??
    Expose the "Gyani" who is cheating by skipping Pages during Paath ( Finish paath faster and get payment so he can begin the next..instead of having a Proper Professional Degree and thus another JOB to earn income and thus do reading of paath at leisure)...and he shouts..Chuglee..Jhooth.. Guru Knows !!
    Expose the faulty "Academic" who is using his own CHATREEA..mental calisthenics to misinterpret/misuse/Twist Gurbani/Writings/Sayings etc..and he shouts "Slander"...and treats Gurbani Tuks as his own personal domain....NO other interpretations..they are all "twisted"
    Expose the corrupt politician'..and he says LIES..LIES..all lies..i am as CLEAN as anyone else ? Prove me dirty ?? My hands may be caught on Camera..but my HEART is CLEAN..I am for the People !! Vote me in.

    GURBANI is PROOF that EXPOSING the TRUTH is NOT SLANDER.
    Having ones own interpretation is NOT SLANDER..its that persons RIGHT.
    Every person has the RIGHT not to be IMPOSED by other's interpretations !! Just give your opinion and walk away - unless someone asks for further explanations... BUT DONT be annoyed when NO REPLIES to any Mails...maybe people just read//and walked away !!! OR too many replies that go against you. Its Normal human behaviour.

    The Day this world began..NO ONE..has got 110% attention from 110% of the people...NOT Buddha..not Jesus..Not Guur nanak..Not Guur Gobind Singh ji....Not ANYBODY !!! We get some..we lose some...who cares ?? NO-ONE except OURSELVES !! simply because we "created" that super duper "Message"..and shucks no one replied.. How dare they ?? shucks so many disagreed ?? How dare they ?? Thats HAUMAII in FULL BLOOM !!OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG..its a STAIN that is extremely difficult to clean..Haan JI..the UNREMOVABLE STAIN...stubborn beyond measure...no use pretending..blowing hot and cold..being angry....going and doing yet another sehaj paath to add to our grand total......ONLY HIS KIRPA will act as SOAP..and we must stop blowing BUBBLES...nindiya...slander...chughlee..all these are ANTI-AMRIT and taste so SWEET...that is why its KALYUG !! Scares me !!
    My suggestion to SPM Admin..just block out S****** like so many other unacceptable words...N*****...CH******..we will have a happier reading experience..and cooler atmosphere:ice::ice::ice::ice::ice::ice::ice::ice::ice:to heck with calories !!
     
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  10. spnadmin

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    My suggestion to SPM Admin..just block out S****** like so many other unacceptable words...N*****...CH******..we will have a happier reading experience..and cooler atmosphere:ice::ice::ice::ice::ice::ice::ice::ice: :ice:to heck with calories !!

    Yes it would.
     
  11. kiram

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    "Expose the "Gyani" who is cheating by skipping Pages during Paath" - Gyani Jarnail Singh Ji

    Gyani ji, thank you for the post above... i was however shocked to read this line Ji... i still can't believe that such a thing happens in the Gurudware Ji.. Do Bhais/ Gyanis really skip Angs while doing paath Ji?? i hope its not true :(
     
  12. pk70

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    Kiram ji
    Its wild world of “ Sikhi and its preaching” There are hypocrites mushrooming in it, they will skip pages, quote Gurbani to justify their own “manmatt”, define virtues for others never to seek them personally, do anything to obtain academic degree or name but still will keep sticking to beating of drums of Sikhi. Beware! Your only Savior is Sree Guru Granth Sahib if you contemplate on every Shabada you read. The more you ponder over the Shabada, the more hypocrites will fall in your eyes.:)
     
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  13. kiram

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    Thank you G.Singh Ji.... i agree Guru Granth Sahib Ji is our only savior in this world....
    Only and only savior always!! Reading, contemplating every Shabad ... absolutely Ji...
    :wah:
     
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  14. Gyani Jarnail Singh

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    Kiram Ji,
    gurfateh.

    YES ji..the SGGS is the ONLY TRUE SAVIOUR....always and forever. Its Palla must never be dropped..hold on tight as you can.
    The world as G.Singh ji says is full to the brim with hypocrites..every shade..every colour...no respite except at the Lotus Charan kamal of SGGS.
    1. A TRUE KHALSA/SIKH is commanded to READ/VICHAAR/HEAR GURBANI himself/herself...NOT PAY others to do it/Expect others to do it.
    2. After that..the true Khalsa/Sikh FOLLOWS what he read/vichaared/heard...faithfully and wholeheartedly...without chalakian..chatraeeah...tricks..willful twisting/turning/misinterpreting etc..the GURBANI in our DAILY LIFE..to wash off all the Janam janma dee maail..dirt.
    3. GURU...the SGGS is PARAS..the Stone that produces PARAS. If you remember the story of Midas...the King who had the Golden touch...King Midas could ONLY produce GOLD out of whatever he touched...BUT he COULD NOT PRODUCE another KING MIDAS !! The SGGS can do that. Its PARAS..and it can turn YOU and ME..and everyone else that falls at its Charan kamal...into PARAS !!

    HAVE A HAPPY KHALSA DAY !!
     
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  15. kiram

    kiram
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    Thank you Gyani Ji... Very very profound words.. got me emotional :p
    :wah:
     
  16. japjisahib04

    japjisahib04 Kuwait
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    Virinder Ji

    If my way of pointing out has hurt you then I apologize. However, I had no intention of slandering but learning.
    Best regards
    Sahni Mohinder
     
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  17. Gyani Jarnail Singh

    Gyani Jarnail Singh Malaysia
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    Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
    Mentor Writer SPNer Contributor

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    To tell the real baldy rock solid truth...i was hurt..even though the message was addressed to saini ji.
    Really harsh words....slander..revenge..coward...a sikh would never use for another sikh..
    Perhaps..may i suggest...a Cool off period of a Day or two..before we hit the SUBMIT/REPLY button..especially when we are angry./imaginably slighted/etc etc..
    Really most are attracted to the Kaurra (Maya)..and abhor the Meetha (Amrit)..even though we fondly imagine we are not.
    We are all Brothers....sikhs...please be a little compassionate jios.
    Humbly submitted
    Jarnail Singh :shy::shy::shy::shy::shy::shy:
     

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