- Jan 31, 2011
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The Cardiologist rang yesterday, I know him of old, he thinks Im funny, hmm lets face it, most people think Im funny, for years I thought that people always seemed to be laughing, then my wife pointed out that they were usually laughing at/with me, so I guess I amuse people
He does not think there is any need whatsoever for an angiogram, he is absolutely certain it is scar tissue, so the end is cancelled.
I am quite relieved, Sian is quite relieved, I am really relieved because in the bath yesterday, I realised I had run out of personalities, and this was the last one I was getting, I also had an insight into my life, what if every day was your chance to be in heaven, hell, Mukti, Darshan, call it what you want, but rather than wait till one day when it will all make sense, why wait, it all makes sense now, every day I get the chance to be at one with Creator, it is a question of tuning in on a daily basis, which means there is nothing to look forward to, from a Mukti point of view, only more of the same, more Mukti, more periods of Darshan,
I speak to my mum and dad a lot on messenger, complete with webcam, when I see them together smiling at me, and happy that I am not making a complete **** of my life anymore, I am in Mukti, what more happiness can a son be in than making his parents proud and happy, when I am loving to my wife instead of lustful, I am in Mukti, when I overlook my stepson scowling as he has missed the bus due to oversleeping, and offer him a lift, and he gets out of the car in front of all his friends, and gives me a hug and shouts 'love you harry' , I am in Mukti, when the dan licks my face, when Alfie smiles at me, when Virgil looks at me while I feed him, when the ferrets jump around while I change their water, when I drive slowly and considerately, when I apologise for something I have done, when I am praised, when I am validated, when I can feel Creators sunshine illuminating my mind, when I am humble, when I am more intent on making others feel bigger than me, this is all Mukti, so I already have Mukti, however I am human, and will always be human, remaining in Mukti would be death, I am not invincible, I am not going to live forever, new things mean new feelings, discovery brings agitation, goals need discipline, sometimes one has to fight, for what one believes in, sometimes for life, for food, for the basics, but it is always good to come home to Mukti, Mukti is base camp, from which I wander ever day to live life, to interact, to be curious, to be childlike, to discover, to win, maybe to lose,
He does not think there is any need whatsoever for an angiogram, he is absolutely certain it is scar tissue, so the end is cancelled.
I am quite relieved, Sian is quite relieved, I am really relieved because in the bath yesterday, I realised I had run out of personalities, and this was the last one I was getting, I also had an insight into my life, what if every day was your chance to be in heaven, hell, Mukti, Darshan, call it what you want, but rather than wait till one day when it will all make sense, why wait, it all makes sense now, every day I get the chance to be at one with Creator, it is a question of tuning in on a daily basis, which means there is nothing to look forward to, from a Mukti point of view, only more of the same, more Mukti, more periods of Darshan,
I speak to my mum and dad a lot on messenger, complete with webcam, when I see them together smiling at me, and happy that I am not making a complete **** of my life anymore, I am in Mukti, what more happiness can a son be in than making his parents proud and happy, when I am loving to my wife instead of lustful, I am in Mukti, when I overlook my stepson scowling as he has missed the bus due to oversleeping, and offer him a lift, and he gets out of the car in front of all his friends, and gives me a hug and shouts 'love you harry' , I am in Mukti, when the dan licks my face, when Alfie smiles at me, when Virgil looks at me while I feed him, when the ferrets jump around while I change their water, when I drive slowly and considerately, when I apologise for something I have done, when I am praised, when I am validated, when I can feel Creators sunshine illuminating my mind, when I am humble, when I am more intent on making others feel bigger than me, this is all Mukti, so I already have Mukti, however I am human, and will always be human, remaining in Mukti would be death, I am not invincible, I am not going to live forever, new things mean new feelings, discovery brings agitation, goals need discipline, sometimes one has to fight, for what one believes in, sometimes for life, for food, for the basics, but it is always good to come home to Mukti, Mukti is base camp, from which I wander ever day to live life, to interact, to be curious, to be childlike, to discover, to win, maybe to lose,
