Welcome to SPN

Register and Join the most happening forum of Sikh community & intellectuals from around the world.

Sign Up Now!
  1.   Become a Supporter    ::   Make a Contribution   
    Target (Recurring Monthly): $200 :: Achieved: $98

Leisure An Old Sikh Joke

Discussion in 'Business, Lifestyle & Leisure' started by spnadmin, Jun 5, 2010.

  1. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
    Expand Collapse
    1947-2014 (Archived)
    SPNer Supporter

    Jun 17, 2004
    Likes Received:
    An old Sikh joke…

    An old Sikh joke… Blackwatertown

    For most of us religion begins not as a matter of belief, but from the accident of birth and subsequent upbringing. Some make positive decisions to be born again, or to convert. Others drift off to something vaguer or all the way to none-of-the-above.

    If I could choose, starting from scratch, all cultural and racial baggage to one side, the Sikhs might be the boys for me.

    Blame the various Sikhs I’ve lived with. They’ve all been good advertisements – cool or hip or eccentric – they’ve been without exception open-minded and good-hearted. And darned good-looking. (The women weren’t bad-looking either.)

    I know, I know. I shouldn’t generalise. Nor gush. I may just have been lucky.

    They’ve all been of the small slick turban or baseball cap variety too. I wouldn’t fancy having to sport a Hardeep Kohli-type blancmange on my head.

    They’ve all liked a drink, though apparently that’s not the done thing, according to Exploring Sikhism. (In fact, I’ve never known a teetotal Sikh, male or female. See, I told you I was lucky.)

    And speaking of rules, or doctrine. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but the thing Sikh doctrine appears to be missing is all the offensive small print you get elsewhere. So, as a (very patient) leading Sikh spokesperson told me at one of Britain’s major temples: “Yes, you could have a lesbian leading the ceremonies here. People might not like it, but there’s nothing in doctrine against having a woman in charge, whatever her sexuality.”
    How refreshing. Catholics take note. I’m not suggesting all Sikhs are paragons of mellowness and tolerance, as thespians will know already. And the chances of this hypothetical lesbian running the show are slim to zero at the moment, but at least any obstacles of prejudice are not founded on religious rules.

    So what’s holding me back from signing up? Two things.

    Sikhism does seem a bit culturally specific. I appreciate that the turban is a sign of belonging. And I even like that it seems awkward and contrary to common sense at times. (Sometimes a helmet does seem the better option.) But, whereas Christians, Muslims and Buddhists come in all colours of the rainbow, Sikhs do tend to be Punjabi somewhere down the line. I suppose I could be the one to help Sikhism break out from that narrow pool, but I don’t think I have the energy.

    The other thing is that Sikhism seems so straightforward. You should be self-reliant and work hard, but help others if they need it. Woman, as far as I’ve seen, are treated equally. They’re opposed to castes. You should respect the planet. All seems fairly normal and straightforward. Very Dutch. And that’s the other reason why I haven’t signed up – I don’t need to. It appears to be a sensible state of mind rather than a religion. (Maybe that’s why the arbitrary trappings are deemed so important. Quick! Chuck in some incense and beard rules or no-one will take us seriously.)

    Which brings me to this post’s old Sikh joke. I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering if all of the above was just a lead-in to the joke. Hey, what can I say? You could be right.

    So here’s my mate Chen’s old Sikh joke:
    George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
    ‘Hello, Mr. Bush!’ a heavily accented voice said, ‘This is Gurmukh Singh from Phagwara Village, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!’
    ‘Well, Gurmukh,’ Bush replied, ‘This is indeed important news! How big is your army’
    ‘Right now,’ said Gurmukh, after a moment’s calculation, ‘there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and some of the hockey team from the temple. That makes eight’
    Bush paused.. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.’
    ‘Arrey O! Main kya..’ said Gurmukh. ‘I’ll have to ring you back!’
    Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
    ‘Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I’m calling from Punjab, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!’
    ‘And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh’ Bush asked.
    ‘Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik’s tractor.’
    Bush sighed. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.’
    ‘Oh teri…..’ said Gurmukh. ‘I’ll have to get back to you.’
    Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
    ‘Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne…. .. We’ve modified Amrik’s tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the village’s generator. Four schoolboys from Malpur have joined us as well!’
    Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!’
    ‘Hhmm….’ said Gurmuk, ‘I’ll have to ring you back.’
    Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
    ‘Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war..’
    ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ said Bush. ‘Why the sudden change of heart’
    ‘Well,’ said Gurmukh, ‘we’ve all had a long chat over a couple of beers…
    …and we decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!’


    Attached Files:

    • Like Like x 7
  2. Loading...

    Similar Threads Forum Date
    Gadar Lehar Untold Indian History Of Sikhs History of Sikhism Yesterday at 6:32 AM
    Sikh News 62-year-old Sikh Cabbie Is A Fashion Driver Breaking News Sep 5, 2016
    Sikh News Veteran Sikh Soldiers To Inspire Young - Malay Mail Online Breaking News Aug 1, 2016
    70/79 Yr Old Sikh Couple Have A Baby Via IVF! (Amritsar) Breaking News May 10, 2016
    Sikh News Sikh Soldier Sues Defense Dept. Citing Religious Discrimination Breaking News Mar 22, 2016

  3. palaingtha

    palaingtha India
    Expand Collapse

    Aug 28, 2012
    Likes Received:
    To give strength to the joke make it VODKA instead of Beers!
  4. palaingtha

    palaingtha India
    Expand Collapse

    Aug 28, 2012
    Likes Received:
    Two Sardars, one "SALA" and the other "JIJA" sat down at dusk for a few drinks together at the residence of the SALA. They continued till midnight and were well inebriated. The Sala stood up and said "Jija jee, come I will accompany you to your home as it is very late at night".
    They went out and reached the Jija's house. The Jija said, come I will see you to your home, otherwise your sister would be angry if I do not accompany you up to you house. They went together.
    The same was repeated for 3-4 times and it started raining. One said to the other, "wait I will get an umbrella". Then they walked together with the umbrella protecting themselves from the rain. The rain stopped but they continued the going hither and thither.
    Then it was dawn and they were sober enough to see their stupidity and had a good laugh.
    • Like Like x 1
Since you're here... we have a small favor to ask...

More people are visiting & reading SPN than ever but far fewer are paying to sustain it. Advertising revenues across the online media have fallen fast. So you can see why we need to ask for your help. Donating to SPN's is vote for free speech, for diversity of opinions, for the right of the people to stand up to religious bigotry. Without any affiliation to any organization, this constant struggle takes a lot of hard work to sustain as we entirely depend on the contributions of our esteemed writers/readers. We do it because we believe our perspective matters – because it might well be your perspective, too... Fund our efforts and together we can keep the world informed about the real Sikh Sikhi Sikhism. If everyone who writes or reads our content, who likes it, helps us to pay for it, our future would be much more secure. Every Contribution Matters, Contribute Generously!

    Become a Supporter      ::     Make a Contribution     

Share This Page