Keeping My Bodily Kesh (Hair) and Getting used to the Gazes

marcinat · #1 (**permalink**) 08-Feb-2010, 03:46 AM

When people ask me about my long hair, I tell them that I have never cut it because of my religion.

That is true about the hair on my head, but not about the hair elsewhere on my body. That is - I have shaved, waxed, and threaded. Does this make me a bad person?

I am not sure. Clearly, 98% of the rest of "my world" - particularly the females - remove their body hair. And most of these people are not, necessarily, "bad".

Do I feel guilty about it? To be honest - not really. It was something I went through to fit in. But my actions were still in line with Sikhi: nam japna, vand chakna, kirt karni.

About 2 years ago, after much meditation, I slowly stopped these hair-removing processes. It wasn't something that I woke up and immediately decided. It just kind of happened. And with Guru's grace, I have been entirely okay with it.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikh-youth/29160-keeping-my-bodily-kesh-hair-getting.html

The only thing that has taken some getting used to is the stares. I generally keep my body covered, but I also like to swim. My swimming suit, if you will, involves shorts and a t-shirt. A lot of people - especially women - stare at my legs. It's as though they are willing me to feel bad about my choice to keep my hair.

Yet I do not give in to their desire to make me feel ashamed. I actually find my choice liberating and motivating, not to mention economical. Sikhs are supposed to be leaders - leaders do not care about what other people think when they know what they are doing in their heart is right. I am also saving money on these "cosmetic supplies" - money that adds up when you notice that the "treatments" are lifelong. Is there a reason that our hair keeps growing back no matter how much we try to stop it? Why not give in to the way Waheguru has made our bodies?
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=29160

The most exciting part about this, however, is the opportunities it brings up to educate my brothers and sisters. When I catch people, especially children, staring at me, I look back and smile. If these people ask me questions, I have this golden chance to explain to people that I am a Sikh, and talk about the basic principles of our religion.

Several years ago, when I did shave my legs, I did not have this confidence. Now, ironically, when I am subject to public scrutiny, I do believe - in myself, in humanity, in Waheguru.

Narayanjot Kaur · #2 (**permalink**) 08-Feb-2010, 04:57 AM

marcinat ji

You know I have never understood the fixation regarding hair on a woman's legs. Albeit it is a norm to shave one's legs in parts of North America. But that norm is often ignored by African American women who typically do not shave their legs. So there are plenty of examples around to make this less "fascinating" than it seems to be. Many women of immigrant stock in the US do not shave their legs. In South America and Central America it is a variable norm -- some women do and some do not. In Europe -- shaving your legs is optional. And in Italy members of my family, like many other italian women, do not shave their legs, as Italian women are very likely to keep their hair on their legs.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=29160

What is this about? It is crazy! Sikh or not Sikh -- people really need to lighten up. How superficial can we get? The earthquake in Haiti - among other disasters and catastrophes in the world -- should have been a cold shower for people who need to get over some stuff.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=29160

There! I feel better now having said all of that. Catharsis!

BhagatSingh · #3 (**permalink**) 08-Feb-2010, 10:42 AM

Those women feel jealous, how come she gets to save time and money by not indulging in useless sometimes painfull practices over the long run?!!

marcinat · #4 (**permalink**) 09-Feb-2010, 23:03 PM

Thanks for your thoughts, Narayanjot Kaur ji and BhagatSingh ji. You both just put a huge smile on my face.

I actually have yet to see a non-Sikh woman who doesn't shave... but that is fascinating!

And I agree - there are much larger issues to deal with in this world. Perhaps even my post was irrelevant considering all that is going on in Haiti, and the spiritual challenges people face on a daily basis... but I was just hoping to get some more thoughts on some of the challenges/benefits of keeping hair, especially in the West. Please continue commenting!

Narayanjot Kaur · #5 (**permalink**) 10-Feb-2010, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marcinat

Thanks for your thoughts, Narayanjot Kaur ji and BhagatSingh ji. You both just put a huge smile on my face.

I actually have yet to see a non-Sikh woman who doesn't shave... but that is fascinating!

And I agree - there are much larger issues to deal with in this world. Perhaps even my post was irrelevant considering all that is going on in Haiti, and the spiritual challenges people face on a daily basis... but I was just hoping to get some more thoughts on some of the challenges/benefits of keeping hair, especially in the West. Please continue commenting!

marcinat ji

You know after posting I had the uneasy feeling that you might think I was suggesting your post was "irrelevant." Forgive me - I should have clarified that I was not suggesting that at all.

My high level of irritation comes from my experience largely on this forum. It seems to me that those who shave are significantly more "anxious" about hair

than those who do not shave.

It borders on an obsession. Except for one or two people who no longer post here at SPN, not one single keshdhari Sikh has taken the first shot at those who shave. In my real world off the Internet there is none of this observing and weighing the person. Keshdhari Sikhs carry on. Shaven Sikhs carry on. No bickering that I have noticed. So when I read your post I thought -- you know this obsession with hairy legs, underarms, eye-brows, etc. by those who shave goes too far sometimes.

When was the last time you made a point to check the hair on someone's legs (general not personal question)? That is my point. Those who are perpetually on "hair patrol" have too little of importance in their lives.

newkid · #6 (**permalink**) 10-Feb-2010, 10:08 AM

I'm the only one who voted they've always kept their hair.

Most people have always found it odd that I usually don't shave but I'm not alone. (I've met two other girls like me.) Women are always expected to be hairless..actually guys are too. When my friend wears shorts people always tell him he should shave. But when he does people still have something to say about it. It's ridiculous, but it's never really bothered me.

Quote:

When was the last time you made a point to check the hair on someone's legs (general not personal question)? That is my point. Those who are perpetually on "hair patrol" have too little of importance in their lives.

I agree

Mai Harinder Kaur · #7 (**permalink**) 11-Feb-2010, 02:59 AM

I'm number two of the always hair-keepers. I haven't had a lot of problems of a major sort - to me - since high school. High school wasbad, but I managed to maintain an attitude of aloof superiority that made the other girls sort of back off. Egotistical, I guess, but being a teenager is hard.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=29160

Nowadays, I enjoy explaining about kesh. My legs are rarely seen outside my home and my underarms never except in my doctors' offices. My medical caregiver, a born-again, spirit-filled Christian was curious, so I explained that it was a requirement of my religion. With an air of aloof superiority she retorted that in her religion, they were saved by grace, not such legalisms. Then she asked what would be done to a Sikh who removed her hair. "Nothing," I replied. "Don't you believe that God would punish her?" "No, we don't believe God punishes people; we don't obey God from fear. Keeping my kesh is an act of love." She gave me an uncertain look. I could go on, but that's enough, I think, to make my point.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=29160

Now about that little post-menopausal mustache and those few stray chin hairs...

Aman Singh · #8 (**permalink**) 11-Feb-2010, 21:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mai Harinder Kaur

I'm number two of the always hair-keepers. I haven't had a lot of problems of a major sort - to me - since high school. High school wasbad, but I managed to maintain an attitude of aloof superiority that made the other girls sort of back off. Egotistical, I guess, but being a teenager is hard.

Nowadays, I enjoy explaining about kesh. My legs are rarely seen outside my home and my underarms never except in my doctors' offices. My medical caregiver, a born-again, spirit-filled Christian was curious, so I explained that it was a requirement of my religion. With an air of aloof superiority she retorted that in her religion, they were saved by grace, not such legalisms. Then she asked what would be done to a Sikh who removed her hair. "Nothing," I replied. "Don't you believe that God would punish her?" "No, we don't believe God punishes people; we don't obey God from fear. Keeping my kesh is an act of love." She gave me an uncertain look. I could go on, but that's enough, I think, to make my point.

Now about that little post-menopausal mustache and those few stray chin hairs...

Mai Ji, we would love to the read full conversation of yours with your medical caregiver...

Narayanjot Kaur · #9 (**permalink**) 12-Feb-2010, 00:28 AM

Mia ji's care-giver may be one of those who is always on hair-patrol. Maybe also other kinds of patrol's.