Keeping My Bodily Kesh (Hair) and Getting used to the Gazes

Inderjeet Kaur · #91 (**permalink**) 27-Jun-2012, 16:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruqa

Good luck?!! Are you trying reverse psychology on me?! Was that sarcastic or are you seriously like go find a singh and go get him?! Lol if the roles were reversed and this was a islamic forum and it was a muslima saying to a kaur good luck take one of our men everyone would be like 'WHAT!' because we have a shortage of guys and we're a little territorial... just a little... Ha ha oh and don't worry I think a singh would have more trouble handling me than me him! Now back to my question! There is a solution! I wouldn't have to get married to find out if a singh would just tell me if he does or doesn't take his hair out when he goes to sleep. Listen tell me is that crossing some line asking that, is that to personal in your religion. If it is just put me in my place.

I'm half sarcastic and half serious. I have known 3 Muslim woman/Sikh man marriages. All were/are reasonably happy marriages. In all cases, the children chose to be Sikh. Would you be willing to risk that, even if you could find yourself a Singh to marry?

I will answer your question with another question. It's not a matter of it being personal (although it may be), it's something completely different. What makes you think that every Keshdhari Sikh man does the same thing? Or that the same man does the same thing every night? whistlingkudi

Ruqa · #92 (**permalink**) 27-Jun-2012, 17:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inderjeet Kaur

I'm half sarcastic and half serious. I have known 3 Muslim woman/Sikh man marriages. All were/are reasonably happy marriages. In all cases, the children chose to be Sikh. Would you be willing to risk that, even if you could find yourself a Singh to marry?

I will answer your question with another question. It's not a matter of it being personal (although it may be), it's something completely different. What makes you think that every Keshdhari Sikh man does the same thing? Or that the same man does the same thing every night? whistlingkudi

Oh now where onto the hard stuff! What's your occupation in real life? A shrink?! Answering questions with questions... I see whats going on here! you're trying to drive me nuts! Can I just point out that I was fair and answered everyone elses questions and no-one will answer mine. Well if they do things differently should I start a poll

?? Ahh if I was to marry a singh I would expect that the children would be brought up Sikh. I was brought up to believe that the woman follows the man and the children are attributed to the fathers religion. The question is would I go ahead and marry a Sikh or marry out of my religion. You're saying that in the muslim Sikh marriages that you know of that the woman was allowed to keep practicing her religion yeah? Problem is generally if a muslim woman was to marry out of islam then she wouldn't be considered a muslim anymore because as I said before the woman follows the man and if I was to marry a Sikh then I would be considered a Sikh by my community and shunned or the opposite bombarded with people trying to get me to take my shahadah again 'bring me back to islam', put pressure on my marriage or possibly try to convert my husband. Honestly I think i'd have to look at it case by case. Ask myself is this person someone who i'd be willing to give up basically everything for? You know what I mean?

Inderjeet Kaur · #93 (**permalink**) 27-Jun-2012, 18:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruqa

Oh now where onto the hard stuff! What's your occupation in real life? A shrink?! Answering questions with questions... I see whats going on here! you're trying to drive me nuts! Can I just point out that I was fair and answered everyone elses questions and no-one will answer mine. Well if they do things differently should I start a poll

?? Ahh if I was to marry a singh I would expect that the children would be brought up Sikh. I was brought up to believe that the woman follows the man and the children are attributed to the fathers religion. The question is would I go ahead and marry a Sikh or marry out of my religion. You're saying that in the muslim Sikh marriages that you know of that the woman was allowed to keep practicing her religion yeah? Problem is generally if a muslim woman was to marry out of islam then she wouldn't be considered a muslim anymore because as I said before the woman follows the man and if I was to marry a Sikh then I would be considered a Sikh by my community and shunned or the opposite bombarded with people trying to get me to take my shahadah again 'bring me back to islam', put pressure on my marriage or possibly try to convert my husband. Honestly I think i'd have to look at it case by case. Ask myself is this person someone who i'd be willing to give up basically everything for? You know what I mean?

A shrink? Me? I'm a retired mathematician, a budding artist and a professional survivor.

OK, the answer to your question is some do, some don't and some sometimes do and sometimes don't. There is this one thing...sleeping with very long hair flowing can be very uncomfortable and make for a mess in the morning. I know this as a long-haired woman.

I was married to a Christian man for a couple of decades and it was awful, not just religious differences, of course, but they played a role. I was willing to leave him to his beliefs, but since proselytizing is a commandment in his religion, he wouldn't leave me to mine. A mistake I won't make again. My first husband who is also deceased was Sikh and it was much, much better. I doubt I'll remarry, but if I do, you can be sure he'll be a true Sardar ji Singh with hair intact, although possibly bald.

I think a person may give up their religion formally for another; I doubt it's even possible to give up deeply-held beliefs.

Now...it's 0422 here and I have to be up for a doctor's appointment, so we'll have to continue this later.

And, BTW, I drive lots of people nuts, not intentionally, I'm just sort of baffling.

harry haller · #94 (**permalink**) 27-Jun-2012, 18:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruqa

Oh oh oh! (Waves hand in the air) I have a question! Tell me (please), do Sikh men let their hair down when they go to bed?

Most Sikh men I know of keep it in a top knot most of the time, in fact the only time I have seen a Sikh man with flowing hair is either washing or combing.

linzer · #95 (**permalink**) 27-Jun-2012, 20:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by harry haller

Most Sikh men I know of keep it in a top knot most of the time, in fact the only time I have seen a Sikh man with flowing hair is either washing or combing.

It's the only practical thing to do. If you have it down it gets caught in everything!! the wife ,the cat, my own shoulders. I'm to the point of tying my beard when I sleep as well. I have about 14 months without cutting it and I'm wondering when it will stop growing. I've read that on average it's two and a half years. I'm somewhat scared by this as my beard is halfway down my chest already.
On the humorous side, My wife and I were sitting at the counter in a restaurant last december when a couple came in with their boy of about four years old. The little boy looked at me and then whispered to his mother,"Mama Mama It's Santa."

Ishna · #96 (**permalink**) 27-Jun-2012, 20:41 PM

ROFL
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikh-youth/29160-keeping-my-bodily-kesh-hair-getting.html

Nice one Linzer ji! I can think of worse things to be called, most people love Santa.

I agree, scalp kesh can get in the way, mine is nearly to my waist and during the day I usually just keep it in a plait. When I travel I sleep with it in a plait but most of the time I sleep with it out - doesn't cause too much drama.

I can't stand to have my kesh out during the day, it drives me insane always floppin' over the eyes and getting tangled up and loosing hairs all over the house etcetc. And it just feels messy, ya know, untidy.

Ruqa · #97 (**permalink**) 27-Jun-2012, 23:43 PM

Thank you for your answers. Another question, can you dye or bleach your hair?

chazSingh · #98 (**permalink**) 27-Jun-2012, 23:51 PM

[quote] Originally Posted by Ruqa

Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=29160
Oh oh oh! (Waves hand in the air) I have a question! Tell me (please), do Sikh men let their hair down when they go to bed? [quote]
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=29160

I guess it's up to the individual and what their hair is like...
mine is straight and easy to manage and not actually that long...many days i'll have it in a pony tail....it's only completely lose when washing or drying.

Luckysingh · #99 (**permalink**) 28-Jun-2012, 03:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruqa

Thank you for your answers. Another question, can you dye or bleach your hair?

I like your style of approach. You have answered and explained all questions raised to the best of your knowledge without even attempting to inforce or push the very common 'islam way is the correct way'.. etc...etc..- that so many muslims commonly do.

With the sleeping issue, I think you've gathered that it's a personal choice, you can let it down and having it flowing if you wish but most singhs leave it tied up on the head.

This 'to dye the hair' is a very good question and you will hear many different answers. There is no direct or specific answer, but it's not too difficult to work out for a sikh.
Problem with all of us is (meaning muslims and sikhs) that if we like and prefer to do something such as dye hair, belly button piercings, tatoos...etc..whatever...- We all seem to go around looking for reasons to justify the actions. This is why you get mixtures of answers.

With most issues about however you wear and decorate your body, first you have to take into account what it means to be a baptised or initiated sikh. - ONLY then are the general rules applicable in practice. Otherwise a sehajdhari or non initiated sikh can colour the hair, spike it, dreadlock it, have tatoos, get whatever they want pierced, just whatever they feel free to do. This is because they are not baptised and they do not have to strictly adhere to the rehat code, which is a code of sikh ethics and discipline.

Now, you understand this, that when it comes to being a full initiated sikh, we were told by Guru Gobind Singh Ji among many other things that 'we are in the 'image of khalsa'.
This image is what he himself portrayed after he himself got initiated. This pure sikh image is what one should see when they look in the mirror. ie. the uncut neatly hair or khes, the beard for men ..etc.. So this 'image' is what one should focus on and remember. (khalsa mera roop hai khaas)

If the person decides to colour the beard or hair for pure aesthetic reasons, they are then, in effect moving away from this intended image.
So, you will see that cutting, perming, bleaching....are ALL no,no.
Therefore, a simple answer to your question is No.

BUT, I know there are initiated sikhs, especially women that see no wrong in colouring their hair. Most of these do it to cover the ageing GREYS!!!!
In this case the image is about looking young, deviating away from the image that should be about the way the guru expressed it.

There will be some on this site who are going to be fast off the mark to disagree with me- Well, good luck- what I have said is NOT wrong, it simply deviates back to the TRUTH.

Like I said earlier, they will find reasons to justify their actions but the real answer is found just by going back to basics of the khalsa, 5k's,discipline, image......etc...etc..

So, there you have it, an answer with some logical explanation to the best of my knowledge.