Childless / IVF / Surrogacy

Rajbinder35 · #1 (**permalink**) 09-Nov-2008, 04:24 AM

A couple who are very close to me have been married for 12 years and due to her medical problems are unable to conceive naturally. They have had IVF in the UK 4 times and failed and they have now travelled to India and used a surrogate to carry their child. They were successful and she is currently pregnant however the foetus should be 8-9 weeks and it is the size of a 7 week old and there is no heartbeat. They have to now wait a week until another ultersound scan is done to find out if she has started to miscarry or if a miracle has occurred and a heartbeat is found.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikh-youth/23443-childless-ivf-surrogacy.html

I do tell them to pray to god, and to put all of their trust in him, but after all they have been through they do struggle. Also I am finding it difficult to believe the hand that god has dealt them.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=23443

It is also impossible to write about sikh society and how they are made to feel by our society due to the fact that they have been together so long and have not had a child.

Advice please.

Narayanjot Kaur · #2 (**permalink**) 09-Nov-2008, 06:10 AM

Rajbinder ji

As it has been explained to me -- the soul of a child picks its parents in order to work out the karams of the next life. I am not born into Sikhi and can only rely on what I am told by those who are. But if this is the case, then an entire culture is deeply invested in procreation, pregnancy and the birth of a child to a couple.Through children the couple is seen worthy to shelter and nourish the soul that will come into the world. And if this is the case, then childless couples must feel very bad about themselves because they are not seen as worthy.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=23443
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=23443

But what if this is not a tenet or belief of Sikhism, but a cultural belief instead of a spiritual reality? Then the couple suffers at the hands of other human beings. That is just as bad.

I know that norms of culture can be hard to reverse sometimes. Keep us posted.

singhbj · #3 (**permalink**) 09-Nov-2008, 17:08 PM

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

ਹੁਕਮੀ ਹੋਵਨਿ ਆਕਾਰ ਹੁਕਮੁ ਨ ਕਹਿਆ ਜਾਈ ॥
हुकमी होवनि आकार हुकमु न कहिआ जाई ॥
Hukmī hovan ākār hukam na kahi▫ā jā▫ī.
By His Command, bodies are created; His Command cannot be described.

ਹੁਕਮੀ ਹੋਵਨਿ ਜੀਅ ਹੁਕਮਿ ਮਿਲੈ ਵਡਿਆਈ ॥
हुकमी होवनि जीअ हुकमि मिलै वडिआई ॥
Hukmī hovan jī▫a hukam milai vadi▫ā▫ī.
By His Command, souls come into being; by His Command, glory and greatness are obtained.

ਹੁਕਮੀ ਉਤਮੁ ਨੀਚੁ ਹੁਕਮਿ ਲਿਖਿ ਦੁਖ ਸੁਖ ਪਾਈਅਹਿ ॥
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=23443
हुकमी उतमु नीचु हुकमि लिखि दुख सुख पाईअहि ॥
Hukmī uṯam nīcẖ hukam likẖ ḏukẖ sukẖ pā▫ī▫ah.
By His Command, some are high and some are low; by His Written Command, pain and pleasure are obtained.

ਇਕਨਾ ਹੁਕਮੀ ਬਖਸੀਸ ਇਕਿ ਹੁਕਮੀ ਸਦਾ ਭਵਾਈਅਹਿ ॥
इकना हुकमी बखसीस इकि हुकमी सदा भवाईअहि ॥
Iknā hukmī bakẖsīs ik hukmī saḏā bẖavā▫ī▫ah.
Some, by His Command, are blessed and forgiven; others, by His Command, wander aimlessly forever.

ਹੁਕਮੈ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਸਭੁ ਕੋ ਬਾਹਰਿ ਹੁਕਮ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥
हुकमै अंदरि सभु को बाहरि हुकम न कोइ ॥
Hukmai anḏar sabẖ ko bāhar hukam na ko▫e.
Everyone is subject to His Command; no one is beyond His Command.

ਨਾਨਕ ਹੁਕਮੈ ਜੇ ਬੁਝੈ ਤ ਹਉਮੈ ਕਹੈ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥੨॥
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=23443
नानक हुकमै जे बुझै त हउमै कहै न कोइ ॥२॥
Nānak hukmai je bujẖai ṯa ha▫umai kahai na ko▫e. ||2||
O Nanak, one who understands His Command, does not speak in ego. ||2||

Source: Sri Granth: Sri Guru Granth Sahib

I am no medical expert so can't really comment which option is best suitable for the lady or couple in question. Society & culture has a different point of view from Gurmat in regards to being Childless couple.

One must pray to Almighty for all blessings and accept God's will.

Another option for any childless couple is to adopt a child.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh