Trouble - Becoming a Sikh

Well, I am almost positive that I want to become a Sikh. I was subtlely talking to my mother about Sikhism and she said "Can't you choose something else?"

Some people disown their childeren for choosing things they don't want them to, and I thought "My mother cares about me and would support me if I'm happy." I'm not saying she's going to disown me, but I'm afraid she'll think of me different. Is it bad to hide it from her? I know hiding anything is bad, but what do I do when I believe in nothing, then I'm not a daughter, just an empty shell!
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikh-youth/14245-trouble-becoming-a-sikh.html
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245

Anyone have any advice for me?

Thank you.

 
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dear hb try to explain your mother about sikhism.may be she has heard that sikhs wear turban and they are like bin laden.thats why she is afraid.try to educate her about sikhism.btw in which country you are living are there any gurdwaras near your.

What are your reasons for wanting to become a sikh? If you share them with us, we might be able to understand your perspective better.

What things were you talking about, to your mother, when she said, "cant you choose something else?"
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245

What is your background, if you dont mind me asking?

Becoming a sikh is something one ought to do with a clean impassionate conscious. If you jump in because it 'feels right', or something like that, you might become quickly disillusioned as your world collapses in a mass of contradiction. What i mean to say is, there are many people who hype up the sikh religion with false promises. Young people can get caught up in such currents of passion, but this can blow up badly.

i want to give you the most honest advice possible, but i really need to know more about your situation. answering the above questions should be enough.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245

good luck dear

Okay. Well, I am half Brazilian, and half Italian and Swiss. My mother was born to a Catholic family, and she is unpracticing now, but she still believes in it. She raised my sister and I not teaching us anything about religions at all. All I knew was just God. So when I was about 12 or so I started researching religions (people had been asking me what I was, and I couldn't say Catholic because by then I had read about it and didn't agree with it). I spent a long time studying one religion at a time. First Judaism, then Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, and then from there I learned about Sikhism. The first thing that attracted me was gender equality. Then I read about the ten gurus and the Guru Granth Sahib. Everything about Sikhism fascinated me. At first I was only studying, but then I started to want to be a Sikh and follow their ways. I spent more time studying and listening to online Hukamnamas and their translations. Believe me, I am not jumping in anything. I always look thoroughly before jumping. Thank you for answering, skeptik Ji. And I will appreciate any advice you can give me.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245

kds Ji- Oh, well maybe I shouldn't have done this, but we saw a Sikh in a natural foods store and she asked me if I knew anything about Sikhs later on(because I study religions) so I told her about the 5 Ks and she kind of got a little weird when I told her about the kirpan. She knew I respected Sikhs and she said "Can't you choose something else?" Maybe I should have told her a different aspect of Sikhism, to get an "oh that sounds nice" reaction first.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245

Thank you

Hanna, thanks for the information. You remind me, somewhat, of myself, when I was fourteen. Now I was no convert, and had genuinely fallen in love with Sikhi through personal experience growing up, going to gurdwara and hearing Sikh mythology, and so on. These 'nice' community things about Sikhism still exist for me, and they remain a great source of pleasure and proof of 'goodness' of community.

Around your age, I started reading b00ks, some websites and pamphets about Sikhism, and was at once taken in by the nicer things asserted about Sikhism. I took them on face-value, but its important to realise how this can lead to great frustration. What happens is that you read about how 'Sikhism believes in equality', and then when you compare that to what you see in ordinary sikh communities, you rarely see it existing. Actually, Sikh societies are never equal. They've never really been equal either. But this isnt the full story: for you'll find there is little in Sikh philosophy which forces injustice on certain people. For example, while in Islam, the female is obviously treated as inferior to male, you will not find such things in Sikhism. In sikhism, women are to be accorded the highest of respect for the services they render to society. If one is to summarise Sikh philosophy on equality it must be something like this:
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245

While there are many differences in any given society, there will be many inequalities, and many who have much, and others who have little, this by itself is not a problem. But for the stronger to act or think injustly of the lesser, is to commit a fundamental moral error.

This means in practise that good Sikhs in general are against treating their daughters and mothers as inferior. You'll find that Sikh families give their daughters all the opportunities to achieve highly in school; they encourage them to have careers, and to be successful. Sikhs regard daughters as precious; and expect very highly from them. They are to be chaste: pure in sexual conduct, clean from drugs and alcohol, and honourable. These expectations may seem restrictive to us in the west, but if they are satifisfied, they also elevate the worth of the female to great heights. Put simply, a girl who meets the above criteria is considered by Sikhs very highly indeed. Ofcourse these are cultural norms, demanded by good society everywhere, and found in many other cultures throughout the world. There is hardly anything uniquely Sikh about them, but such traits are a part of good Sikh society.

But the point to note is that, while the above imply inequality of gender, because Sikh society restricts the freedom of Sikh women, it is, arguably a sensible restriction. Equality in Sikh society means quite simply, again injust descrimination. As long as there is no injust descrimination, and I believe, there isnt, in the above, then existing Sikh society is true enough to its ideals. In particular, a woman who is chaste and honorable is not being unjustly descriminated against. It is simply an expectation of her from society, which if she satisfies, she is most acceptable to it.

So here is what i think you should understand before you decide to become a Sikh: You might not find in Sikh community, the equality you desire. You will find in reality that sikh societies do not actively oppose inequality of gender. Indeed you may find that to most Sikhs, the idea of equality is bizarre and alien: they might never have even imagined it. If you suggest it to them, they might think you are crazy! This is what you should understand then, that Sikhs as they exist throughout the globe, often do not even know about equality of gender, and once they hear about it, they are going to think it is a joke, and hardly something to take seriously. Infact the reason for this is simply that, those who write about Sikhism have a different idea from most sikhs about sikhism, so what we read about Sikhism is inaccurate at describing Sikh society.

By saying the above, I wish to save you from the rather wasteful experience of getting into Sikhism for the reason of gender inequality, finding that Sikhs in general do not even know about inequality, and do not care for it, and certainly do not practise it, then becoming frustrated with Sikhs, and thinking, All is doom and gloom: that sikh society is ruinous because it fails to adhere to the principles of equality, and then giving up on Sikhism, because you've had enough of Sikhs who fail to live properly.

I wish to save you from such a fate, because it is completely avoidable. If you maintain realistic expectations of Sikhism, then you wont be dissapointed, but if you instead become a sikh from unrealistic expectations, then you will invariably become dissapointed and will quickly lose interest in Sikhism.

This is what i propose then: ask yourself what equality means to you. Articulate this to us. We'll tell you if what you expect from Sikhism is realistic and reasonable. If it isnt, then you need not waste years of your youth in needless frustration.

Thank you skeptic Ji. I merely stated that as one of the reasons I was first attracted to Sikhism. I never said I hadn't read anything since. I also never said that I wanted to convert based only on gender equality. It is nice, but certainly not the best reason to convert. I agree on that. I may be 14, but I have been researching religions for a long time, I know what I'm getting into.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245

Thanks again,
Hannah

Good for you Hannah. Your approach to all of this is infinitely better than mine. I am against religious conversions in general, but wish you all the best, all the same. Whatever you do, dont jump into the deep end by taking Amrit, straight away. Wait till you are in your twenties before doing that. I made that mistake because i simply wasnt prepared, and I had all the wrong ideas about Sikhism in my head when I did. Plus i was looking for a "fresh-start", but life it seems abhors quick-fixes, and treats them with just as much disdain as they deserve. Honesty is important, (sorry for the generic advice), and one can never fool himself, though fooling myself was certainly a big part of my youth. Sikhism and idealism are a potent mix, and easily took away my (limited) grasp on reality. Though it seems you are grounded and rational, so it should not affect you too much.

Thank you for saying that. But are you saying that you are not a Sikh anymore?
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245

And of course, I will be waiting a while before I take Amrit. I want to be sure.


Peace,
Hannah

Hannah
To live in an identity if a Khalsa (5 k’s) is definitely a big step. A Sikh we all are, we are all learning.
Guru Granth is spiritual food for me. I love its devotion to God, The Truth.
In my opinion you attraction towards Sikhism should be the Guru Granth and history of sikh gurus not sikh community or any society as essentially any community is made up of people so you gonna meet Good, Bad and the Ugly.

Gender inequality isn’t a big deal in the developed world, school, higher education, career paths they are open to all. One can pursue whatever path they want to follow but we (our communities) suffer from other problems – stereotypes, ignorance. I was reading this article about attacks on Sikhs after 9/11, murder of Mr Sodhi and very recently stabbing of another sikh male by his neighbour, because he wanted to take out one of the Taliban.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245
So look don’t rush into anything and just keep on doing what you are. Only thing I will encourage you to do is try to learn Punjabi when you have time. It’s a big task but its worth it. Guru Granth is beautifully written.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14245
ciao