A Wolf's View of Sikhism

Yesterday was not a good day for me, I slept badly the night before, sometimes life makes me feel empty and I start viewing everything as sewa, even my relationship with my wife. It does not happen very often, maybe 2 days a month, but I get very quiet and my face loses its normal cheeky stupid look. I feel like I want the answers now, and the only way to get them is to die, that is not to say I am suicidal, but if everything is maya, and clinging on to maya is wrong, then the love for my wife becomes sewa, as emotionally I start shutting down. During these times I speak to no one, other than my wife, who is very patient with me and gives me the time to come out of it.

Yesterday I realised that these feelings are born out of a desire to find the truth, and the fear I may not find it and end up just 'living'.Reading some translations helped , poring over the articles here helped, and sooner than normal, I had my cheeky grin back. I rang my wife and apologised for my quietness, she was gracious as ever, and when I finally got home, we talked about sikhi for a while, I mentioned how I had thought of what she might look like in a white turban, Ishnabhenji's image of a turbaned clad woman has stayed in my mind, and although I have a very healthy interest in my wife's physical form, I have never ever thought of a woman in a turban before as attractive or pretty, I have always thought why????. I found a picture of a woman in battle on a horse, turban on, sword in hand, and the image looked very powerful, very spiritually strong, the caption said Mai Bhago, of course, I explained to my wife about Mai Bhago, and she was taken by the story and the photo, I also mentioned how beautiful she looked in my minds eye in a plain white turban with a khanda on the front. This is the first time I have ever thought of my wife in anything other than the normal lustful thoughts I normally have. Its balance, my wife said, your balance in yourself is balancing the way that you look at things around you, its not a man, or a wolf within you, everything is you, and you must see everything in all its finery and beauty, the thought of my wife looking serene and spiritual IN a turban is not an image I would have ever thought I would have, but it balances my normal thoughts wonderfully

I awoke again this morning at 4am, again, maybe my insomnia is waking me at amritvela for a reason!, Dan was asleep, he sleeps on his back, with all 4 legs in the air, it is funny to look at, Alfie was on the floor, Virgil, the cat, decided it was a good time to come home and I heard him downstairs, slowly he came in the bedroom, and wife awoke, Virgil climbed on the bed, and dan kissed him, virgil then made the big mistake of turning round, so his bottom was facing dans face, dan unable to restrain himself barked and chased virgil back into the garden.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikh-sikhi-sikhism/35643-a-wolfs-view-of-sikhism.html

We try to be the best we can, we kiss and hold those who should be our enemies, but we should always be vigilant of our core nature, and what brings out that core nature in others, and be able to understand the effects and consequences

thank you for reading

 
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Thank you Harry ji,
Lovebirds are a handful. They are very hyper, adventurous and especially cheeky. They need lots of attention. I learned the hard way that the smaller the animal the more patience is required to handle them.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35643

PS
Your description of the image sounds like it is this painting: http://artofpunjab.com/mai-bhago.html
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35643
If so I urge you to purchase a print from him. A little goes a long way.

There is something most beautiful about sikh art, the last time I was in Amritsar, I visited the museum at Harminder Sahib, and was lost in the paintings and depictions. They prints seem to be of a very high quality and the scenes are very moving, thank you Bhagatsinghji

Ambarsaria Ji ,

Dear 'brothers in crime' Consonance a great word (I had to look it up) and the other article was great just had no time to reply.

Harry Ji , as of the last few months, I seem to wake up in the night ,sometimes you can think too much,our wives never have that trouble.
You can't think your way to the Universe maker ,speak frankly to the personal being aspect of our overlord,the creator of wise souls like Bhagat Singh and Ambarsaria.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35643
Sleep well friend in the knowledge that he seeks you as much as you seek him.

So friends, yesterday, Ishnabhenji kindly sent me some shabads which were pertinent to the way I felt about the father. I have still not listened to them., I will copy them on to cd later today and play them in the car, which tends to be the only place I get any peace.

Sinnerji, I have been insomniac since my early twenties, but at least I have now got to the point where my wife wakes up every morning at 4am too!

Yesterday I spent the day with my stepson, who works with me sometimes, he is a great fellow, and I often tell him that if I could have planned what my 20 year son would be like, he is 92% of what I would have wanted. I have been in his life since he was 14, and after being a confirmed atheist for as long as he has known me, he is slightly disappointed that I have decided to find god. However we have many fine discussions on god, (he is an atheist), and he watched the Guru Nanak story that my father had sent me on youtube. After that I showed him images of some sikh warriors, and told him stories of our heroes. He also took the belief o matic test, and all in all we had a good day. Being a stepfather is hard, but extremely rewarding, I find it interesting that things you put your own parents through come back through your own kids/stepkids, but just not as bad, in comparison to my stepson, my conduct with my father was 20 times worse. My stepson is what I would call a classic kind of guy, long hair, beard, huge interest in all things 70's, and although he does not realise it much, but very spritual.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35643

Today is the day that I will for the first time start listening to shabads with a view to taking away some of the bloodlust that still remains in me, although that bloodlust is pointing squarely at the thought of a good steak, a beer, or other things, its still lust rather than desire, so I am hoping to find some peace and satisfaction that I cannot find in a good steak.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35643

Finding god, integrated with living, is very much like climbing a large mountain. At the top of the mountain is the almighty, the creator, open and ready to envelope you with love, wisdom, understanding, at the bottom is death, nothing, blackness. As we progress up the mountain, getting closer to the creator, we have to be careful, that we keep an eye on the rock face, as well as the top of the mountain, each rope that we can tie to the side, that secures us, and anchors us, reflects how comfortable we are in that journey, some prefer to travel light, and with the minimum of ropes, they dart up, as quickly and without the comforts that the rest of us need,. But even they can get stricken with life's problems, and find themselves in need of a rest, or a more secure rope. The rest of us have families, money problems, health issues, we need as many ropes and security in this journey, it is essential that these problems can be overcome, or dealt with to allow us a steady pace up this mountain. every now and then, we find a ledge, and make ourselves comfortable, put up a tent, boil a kettle, some of us will stay on that ledge for years, some will give up the idea of every completing the climb, and grow old and die on that ledge, others will keep climbing and find themselves arrogant and full of pride at just how far up they are, pride comes before a fall, ropes snap, things happen, some will sit on ledges and confuse others that this ledge is actually the peak, and people, happy that this path is easier than the top of the mountain, will believe them.

Each rope, each foothold, represents security, health, family, the more secure you are, the less you fear, and the higher you go, the easier it becomes.

I genuinely envy those that have 'awakenings', that see a brilliant light shining and walk towards it, and in seconds, have merged with the creator, 'and ever since then, I have been at one with god' they say, well, I am bit skeptical, knowing the truth, and merging with the creator is hard work! lessons have to be learnt, faith established, knowledge, information, trust, so many things to find the eternal one, and yet, some can do it in the flash of a light, I think such people lose their faith as quickly as they find it, for the rest of us, it is a long, but worthwhile journey

thank you for reading

Harry Ji

He is the mountain ,the rope and the ledge. Once there is light there is no darkness, it can be easy ,for the simple minded & pure of heart, he is easy to find,like Bhagat Dhanna Jatt ,the more cleverness you employ , the longer it will take, be disinterested in your own minds strategy ,think deeply on the Guru's Word ,that is the way. I'm just a few miles behind you, if you see him first, introduce me too brother.

Sinnerji,

In 3 lines you have summed up why this climb has taken me so long, yes, you are right, I think too much, what is needed then, more faith, less thinking maybe

Dear Harry Ji

A climb infers an uphill struggle,I prefer a happy freeing leap off (faith) the mountain altogether. (not literally ofcourse)

Sinnerji my dear brother,

I have thought about this hard, whilst I agree that each way is personal to the eventual goal that we all seek, these leaps and flashes of enlightenment, seem to be only available to the pure of heart.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35643
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35643

Out of the two of us, I would probably say my heart is more impure than yours, so maybe thats why you get the leap of faith, and I get the mountain climb