Help Please :/

KSsingh · #1 (**permalink**) 19-Apr-2011, 09:49 AM

Hello, My name is Karan, 16 years old, born British white Indian (sikh)

I am very confused of my religion at the moment :/ I do go to temples and pray but that not it.

In Sikhism it wrong to have sex before marriage right? In western culture many British Indians normally don't follow this or even follow there religion.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/relationships/35184-help-please.html

But I had made a choice to stay as a Virgin until I get married (At first I was not planning on doing this) one reason that made me change my mind is my role model "Kaka" - a brazilan born footballer who followed his religion and stayed as a Virgin until he got married. so that's what also made me stay (He's beliefs in Christ) so not Sikh).

So that made me follow one rule I think in Sikhism.

But What I want to know is that is Oral sex and anal sex allowed in Sikh? or is it forbidden? If I do any of these sexual actives will the gurus wont be happy at me? Please help!!!
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35184
If it is ok, can I do it? yes no? or is still losing your virginity in a different way?

Also My parents are good people but they don't want me to date a English person or even any other type of culture - If I date an Indian girl they will be fine with it. but they say big NO NO to any other different girls. I mean everyone is equal right? or am I the only one thinking it?? Is marrying a non-Indian person wrong? is that what my parent think??

What Should I do? my whole family is racist and I am the only one who is not. (I am trying to change em but it's like imposable)

Also I can't go against my parents, there the most important people in my life, I can't bear to think if I could upset them.

Can someone clear my thoughts please?

Ishna · #2 (**permalink**) 19-Apr-2011, 10:23 AM

Hi Karan, welcome to SPN.

1. Sex
Think about the concept of sex for a moment, the act of intercourse and the emotions and feelings involved. Are they any different depending on the method of sexual encounter? No. Any kind of sexual activity is just that. There is no difference whether it is vaginal intercourse or otherwise. If your goal is not to have sex, then don't have sex at all.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35184

It annoys me when I hear stories of women being encouraged to preserve their virginity by having other kinds of sex. It's a load of rubbish. Sex is sex. And for men, if you're sticking your end it, you're doing it, no matter where.

1. Your family
You're right to believe that everyone is equal. It's impressive that you're maintaining that mentality when you say your family is racist. I don't have much to add to this point because I'm not Indian and don't understand the dynamics of Indian families.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35184

Good luck.

spnadmin · #3 (**permalink**) 19-Apr-2011, 11:40 AM

KSinghji

Yes welcome to SPN.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35184

Since you are a Singh, then I infer you are a male. One question you may want to ask of yourself is why virginity is important to you. Obviously it is, and you mention Kaka as your role model. But your reasons are not yet clear to me. Why do you value it? What does virginity add to the quality of a love relationship, before marriage? Put your own thoughts into your own words. Leave Kaka to one side for the moment.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35184

What about the young woman with whom you may become involved before marriage? Would you not want her to enjoy the same quality of relationship?

On to Sikhi. Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji does not forbid or permit oral and anal sex. Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji speaks against lust (kaam). Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji asks bigger questions: What is purity? How is it lost? Does lust destroy us from within? How does that happen? If you can answer those questions, then you should be able to judge for yourself why any form of sex before marriage costs you more than your physical virginity, and may not be worth it.

It is an open question for me whether your parents are racists. Most parents want the best for their children. I would not judge them so harshly based on 16 years of life. There are several threads that take a look at the issues faced by interfaith/inter-racial marriages. Please consult them for more information.

Mai Harinder Kaur · #4 (**permalink**) 20-Apr-2011, 01:40 AM

Virginity is not merely a physical state; it is a state of purity in mind as well as body. I do not see how one can have oral or anal sex and maintain any level of purity. (This applies only to unmarried people. What husband and wife do when alone is their business and nobody else's, as long as it's consensual.)
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35184
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=35184

The word "Khalsa" means pure.

I wanted to give myself to my husband, pure and untouched. Although he was 10 years older than me, he was equally pure. Perhaps this all sounds very quaint and Victorian, but consider this: Each of us knew the other would be as faithful after marriage as we were before. It laid a great foundation of trust.

Ambarsaria · #5 (**permalink**) 20-Apr-2011, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spnadmin

KSinghji

Yes welcome to SPN.

Since you are a Singh, then I infer you are a male. One question you may want to ask of yourself is why virginity is important to you. Obviously it is, and you mention Kaka as your role model. But your reasons are not yet clear to me. Why do you value it? What does virginity add to the quality of a love relationship, before marriage? Put your own thoughts into your own words. Leave Kaka to one side for the moment.

What about the young woman with whom you may become involved before marriage? Would you not want her to enjoy the same quality of relationship?

On to Sikhi. Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji does not forbid or permit oral and anal sex. Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji speaks against lust (kaam). Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji asks bigger questions: What is purity? How is it lost? Does lust destroy us from within? How does that happen? If you can answer those questions, then you should be able to judge for yourself why any form of sex before marriage costs you more than your physical virginity, and may not be worth it.

It is an open question for me whether your parents are racists. Most parents want the best for their children. I would not judge them so harshly based on 16 years of life. There are several threads that take a look at the issues faced by interfaith/inter-racial marriages. Please consult them for more information.

spnadmin ji and other respected spners you may be taken for a ride. A similar thread was started by a so called 16 year old from germany about private shaving, etc.

Perhaps one answer at a time to see where the kid is coming from japposatnamwaheguru:

Sat Sri Akal.

Mai Harinder Kaur · #6 (**permalink**) 20-Apr-2011, 02:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambarsaria

spnadmin ji and other respected spners you may be taken for a ride. A similar thread was started by a so called 16 year old from germany about private shaving, etc.

Perhaps one answer at a time to see where the kid is coming from japposatnamwaheguru:

Sat Sri Akal.

Ambarsaria ji,

I think we are all aware of this possibility. Speaking for myself, I think what I write is valid, whether the questioner is serious (or even real) or not. Perhaps someone else will sometime read what has been written and get some good insights from it.

singh is king · #7 (**permalink**) 20-Apr-2011, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSsingh

Hello, My name is Karan, 16 years old, born British white Indian (sikh)

?

Can anybody help me by explaining white indian sikh?

If it relates to color of skin then probably I am a black indian sikh as I am bit of black in color?

I think Sikh is a Sikh without any caste, color, creed.....

spnadmin · #8 (**permalink**) 20-Apr-2011, 06:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambarsaria

spnadmin ji and other respected spners you may be taken for a ride. A similar thread was started by a so called 16 year old from germany about private shaving, etc.

Perhaps one answer at a time to see where the kid is coming from japposatnamwaheguru:

Sat Sri Akal.

Ambarsaria ji

I fully considered that possibility last night, actually the wee hours of this morning, when I decided to let things go for the moment. The trade off is to send someone packing who is really in need, or to open up the discussion and be scammed a few days later. There are many similarities in the thread starter to the classic formula for sabotage of a thread. We will keep a watch on things. So far the discussion has not fallen into the classic trap of getting hung up on sex acts, and is looking more at sexuality in a broader way, a more ethcial way, and one that is sensitive to young people and their questions. The thread can always be closed or deleted. But thank you for your concern.

Ishna · #9 (**permalink**) 20-Apr-2011, 13:16 PM

If the questioner is false but the question is valid then what is the harm in the existance of the thread? It may help answer a question someone genuinely has in the future.