Spanking may lower a child's IQ: Study

Lee, as the saying goes, " Good actions need no reasons but bad actions need a lot of justifications". So, the other side of the coin would be, you may have been turned out to be much better than you are if you had not been spanked.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/parenting/26806-spanking-may-lower-childs-iq-study.html
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=26806

Tejwant ji - Thanks for pointing this out. In my opinion, your answer - deep.
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Tejwant ji, very nicely put... further i would like to know: suppose if i do not spank my child but verbally abuse him for each slip up or two... do it this or do it like that, see i told you, but wont listen and spit some venom verbally and shower my anger on him.

Is verbal abuse equivalent or even worse than literal spanking...? In my recipe, a little bit of spanking and lots of love is required to control the wandering mind of a child... as they often challenge the limits of our patience to see how far-off they can go in particular instance... love motivation does not work every time same is the case with physical spanking... it is very important to understand & keep the right balance between both of them... but as the kids grow a little older, the spanking should be avoided and motivation should take a front seat...
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=26806
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=26806

Gurfateh

Aman ji,

Guru Fateh.

Parenting is trial and error. There is no manual that one can open and check its index. In my personal experience, if a parent becomes a good listener to his/her child from the very beginning then the ways of communication are paved unconsciously and subliminally.

Verbal abuse, emotional blackmail are as bad or even worse than spanking but why get to that stage is the question every parent should ask her/himself.

For the record, neither were we spanked by our parents nor did we spank our kids ever.

The problem is the famous term, " Generation gap". We as parents want our kids to fill this gap up for us whereas it is our duty as parents to get close to our kids because of our experience, age, power and always keeping in mind that we are their nurturers.

Once we fail to do that then we start with the blame game which is laced with justifications that our children do not listen to us. If we stop and think for a moment then we would realise that it is us who failed to listen to them when they wanted our ear. We were too busy doing " adult things".

Yes, sternness and seriousness with timeouts, -meaning make them not play their favourite game or watch their favourite shows for some days-, are required. Jaskeerat reminded me on the other day on her FB page when she told her friends that she was forbidden to watch "Rugrats" a well known cartoon show because she was behaving like Angelica in her real life, - the main character of the show.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=26806
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=26806

After this, both Jaskeerat and Trimaan gave themselves time outs on a volunteer basis whenever they thought they did something wrong. Then it was up to us as parents to reduce their timeouts, which we did, the ones they had decided themselves on.

Regards

Tejwant Singh

Now the really funny thing is that my own parents never even raised their voice..much less ebat any one of the twelve kids they had...i being the eldest..was always addressed as "Arshi Sahib..by my dad...from as long as i can remember..all we can remember is THEY were THERE always..for US.
And I in turn have never shouted at any of my kids...heck i dont ever remember shouting or scolding the nearly 7000 other peoples kids thta passed thru my hands...i got invited to birthdays of their grandfathers and sons in laws and all..all my time in Singapore as a bachelor teacher...every weekend was a breakfast/lunch/dinner invite at some students home or something..with their mums doting over me...as if i was their son and not their sons teacher...
The One and only inciodent of Gross insubordination i remeber is this one Rich brat son of an Indonesian Tycoon ( the chinese were persecuted in indonesia..so they all sent their children to be educated in Singapore) Well this Rich brat joined my class. He used to be driven to the school gates in a Merc while I walked from my home nearby. Daily he would whiz past..and behaved all right until one day I told all my students to place their school bags on the floor so they could be seated comfortably on their chairs ( everyone had a habit of placing their bags behind their backs...all obeyed..except this boy. So I repeated the request..and a THREAT that any bag found on a chair would be thrown OUT the window. ( we were on the 5th floor of a Govt School and he must have thought..what an empty threat. Was he ( and me too) surprised when i actually picked up his bag and threw it out the window. It crashed five floors down. He got up calmly, went below, took back his bag and placed it right back on the chair. I promptly picked it up and threw it back out. This time he came up and told me..I am going to see the Principal because a very expensive pair of glasses were in the bag and they were smashed. I said thats OK..but make sure you get the Principal to sign a note that you have actually met him..and I smiled...he too looked around at everyone..and then smiled...and put his bag on the floor...To cut the long story short...he became so attached to me..he instructed his chauffeur to drive to my apartment every morning before school to pick me up and then send me home first after school..until I was transferred to another school. A few months later i was surprised when he asked for a transfer to study at the school i was teaching...even though he didnt get my classes...
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=26806
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=26806

2. So maybe..its right that spanking or no spanking..its the ATTENTION thats lacking..and spoiling the children of this generation..the parents just LACK ATTENTION..towards their kids...possible !! The Parents are too busy with their own careers, making money, friends etc and the kids are just a sort of "collateral damage"..appendages that just happen and are necessary burden...

Tejwant Ji,
I am proud of the Video your children made..its great. Not many words can express what i really feel deep inside...only..May Guru Ji Bless them evermore.

It's better to reinforce a child's good behaviour than punish the bad behaviour.

Jarnail Singh ji, you used the word "psychoanalysts" for all the psychologists who worked on this study. This is simply undermining their authority on the subject.
"Psychoanalysis is a body of ideas developed by Austrian Physician Sigmund Freud and his followers,..."
Although, this discipline is considered a part of psychology, it is very different from the other disciplines. For one, it is not based on Empirical studies like the one presented in topic.

You also recalled an experience you had, to support what you said... The research looks at over a thousand cases, because of it's large sample size it contains less error than your sample. Of course, the data presented shows correlation not causality so other variables maybe involved.

They have supported their case that this old mindset "spare the rod..and spoil the child..." is incorrect. Rather it should be "Spare the rod, save the child".

BTW I am not picking specifically on you, your post is one of the few posts I read.

My psychology professor specialized in child psychology and she used to talk about her studies with children, and how beating them or even yelling at them creates a negative impact on the child. That generally lasts even when they are older. She talked about how some children will then use this violent "problem solving" strategy with other children!

You're right about lack of attention but this attention should go beyond listening, the attention should be spent trying to understand the child so a better solution to the unwanted behaviour can be discovered.

Also, some researchers will argue that a part of behaviour might come from the child's genetic makeup. So I think that if the child has some behaviour that just won't go away with the peaceful methods you are using, it might be there for good! So no point in beating the child.

Also, if you scare the child (beating, yelling, etc), then Yes you can expect good behaviour from them BUT ONLY when you are around! If the child learns that he/she can express bad behaviour when you are not there.... he/she will!!

Aman Ji,

In answer to your question, yes I belive that verbal abuse can be much worse than violent abuse.

When we realise that every action we take and every word that we utter has an affect on others then we should in all good conciousness be very, very careful of both word and deed. Sadly the vast majority both say and do without thought.

To speak ill towards a child is in my mind a great sin, your words, easpecialy to your own children, will never be forgotten by them, they will measure you against everything you say, and once they reach adulthood it is they that judges your ability as a parent, not you nor your spouse but the very fruit of your loins.

To bring a child down with words effects the way they grow. To call a child not doing well at school, for example, and idiot brings about an idiot child, to call a child that does not like hard work(and lets face who actualy does?) a lazy so and so effects the growing mind of that same child to produce a lazy man. Self fulfilling prothesy.

We must all guard at all times agianst the harm which we may do others by our words and our deeds, and it seems hard but in my experiance it merely take 30 seconds real thought before reacting or acting in any situation.

Show your children love, and discipline, push them when they need pushing, praise them when as a result of your pushing they do well, and hug them and say those three little words every day.

Meh that's my take on it anyway.