need urgent advice.......

harry haller · #37 (**permalink**) 30-May-2012, 18:42 PM

I agree, but I wouldn't bet my life on it
*

Inderjeet Kaur · #38 (**permalink**) 31-May-2012, 14:56 PM

Waheguruhelpme ji,

Please listen to a woman who is probably old enough to be your grandmother.

He is on his BEST behaviour now. It will not get better after marriage, it will get worse. If he is disrespectful of you now, it is a sure thing he will be more so after you have become his property, which is obviously how he sees you.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/love-and-marriage/38566-need-urgent-advice.html
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=38566

If you actually marry him, I hope you are able to physically defend yourself because he will almost certainly try to use physical force against you. Please take care.

Please don't believe that all men are dogs. There are some good ones out there. I was married to a very good man who would never dream of lifting a finger against his wife.

After he died, I married another man not nearly as good, but he never tried using physical force against me because he knew that doing so might prove fatal to him.

Please take care and only marry a man worthy of you.

linzer · #39 (**permalink**) 31-May-2012, 20:43 PM

Inderjeet has an excellent point. I have heard from so many women say " he's this way or that way but he'll change after were married." It just isn't true. Yes, people can change but only if they want to. Right now he's backing down because you called his bluff but that doe'snt mean he's changed. Tell! your parents.

Gyani Jarnail Singh · #40 (**permalink**) 01-Jun-2012, 06:42 AM

It takes a BRAVE one to ..."tell the parents"....most teens today HIDE Everything..esp from their parents...its the parents who will be the last to know...thats WHY these "boys" KNOW..they can do anything..and get away with it...they are SAFE !!....a girl actually RISKS so much just revealing such advances, molestations, etc etc...not everyone will beleive her side..many will say shes making it up...and the girl will be the one to suffer the consequences anyway..because SONS seldom make "mistakes" esp in his MOTHER's eyes...so she will go all out to DEFEND HIM....and accuse the girl of being a vamp..a slut..sex crazy...blah blah blah...ONLY THE VERY BRAVE and SELF CONFIDENT GIRL will take the extreme step...one in a hundred thousand perhaps...

Inderjeet Kaur · #41 (**permalink**) 01-Jun-2012, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gyani Jarnail Singh

It takes a BRAVE one to ..."tell the parents"....most teens today HIDE Everything..esp from their parents...its the parents who will be the last to know...thats WHY these "boys" KNOW..they can do anything..and get away with it...they are SAFE !!....a girl actually RISKS so much just revealing such advances, molestations, etc etc...not everyone will beleive her side..many will say shes making it up...and the girl will be the one to suffer the consequences anyway..because SONS seldom make "mistakes" esp in his MOTHER's eyes...so she will go all out to DEFEND HIM....and accuse the girl of being a vamp..a slut..sex crazy...blah blah blah...ONLY THE VERY BRAVE and SELF CONFIDENT GIRL will take the extreme step...one in a hundred thousand perhaps...

Gyani ji, surely you're exaggerating. One in a hundred thousand ordinary girls maybe, but one Khalsa girl has as much courage and confidence as at least ten thousand and maybe a hundred thousand ordinary girls. I know. I used to be one. Now I'm a Khalsa old lady. We're a special breed, you know. And you don't even need to be a Khalsa, but it helps. This young woman can do it if she decides to. For everybody's sake - hers, the boy's, the parents - I hope she does, but it's up to her.

I'm sorry, that's a bit rude. I should speak directly to her: Waheguruhelpme ji, it's up to you. kaurhug

Now I'm tired and I need to take a nap.

,

Gyani Jarnail Singh · #42 (**permalink**) 01-Jun-2012, 11:32 AM

So far ONLY 1 Girl in Punjab dared REFUSE the "free bicycle" given out by the corrupt badal Regime....many didnt feel like accepting this bribe..but took it anyway to avoid publicity..

2. So far ONLY 1 Girl dared to take up a challenge and confront the teens blowing whistles at her and disturbing her daily on her way to school...shes on facebook as Brave Girl of Punjab. She took a Rifle and challenged the miscreant to come out if he has the BXXXS !!
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=38566

3. So far only 1 Girl refused to permit her family be blackmailed on her wedding Fereh...by the greedy groom and his father..she slapped the groom and told him to get LOST.

4. so far ONLy 1 girl dare commit suicide in Dhadriwallahs dera ...( i dont condone suicide but still..just one girl dared because by doing this she exposed the sant for a fraud he is..
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=38566

5. So far only 2 have come out to expose the wrongdoings of pehova and Dhadriwallah..( both males)

so the figures are there...and they are insignificant...

Mai Harinder Kaur · #43 (**permalink**) 01-Jun-2012, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gyani Jarnail Singh

So far ONLY 1 Girl in Punjab dared REFUSE the "free bicycle" given out by the corrupt badal Regime....many didnt feel like accepting this bribe..but took it anyway to avoid publicity..

2. So far ONLY 1 Girl dared to take up a challenge and confront the teens blowing whistles at her and disturbing her daily on her way to school...shes on facebook as Brave Girl of Punjab. She took a Rifle and challenged the miscreant to come out if he has the BXXXS !!

3. So far only 1 Girl refused to permit her family be blackmailed on her wedding Fereh...by the greedy groom and his father..she slapped the groom and told him to get LOST.

4. so far ONLy 1 girl dare commit suicide in Dhadriwallahs dera ...( i dont condone suicide but still..just one girl dared because by doing this she exposed the sant for a fraud he is..

5. So far only 2 have come out to expose the wrongdoings of pehova and Dhadriwallah..( both males)

so the figures are there...and they are insignificant...

Well, this girl dared to break the arm of the fool in elementary school who wouldn't quit pulling her hair. (He had been warned.)

This girl confronted the Punjab Police inn 1984 and won (with the help of Guru Gobind Singh ji, of course).

This girl pulled her kirpan and slashed the throat of the b*****d who had murdered her son in the Delhi Pogrom, 1984.

This girl purposely became patit and eventually returned to the sangat and took Amrit again.

This girl had a massive stroke and died two times and came back from the dead, so she could talk some sense into a Sikh girl (Kaur) about to marry an unworthy Singh who would make her miserable rather than tell her parents what kind of person her really is.

And that is not insignificant.

And I have come out of retirement to tell this dear young Kaur, please don't marry this fool who is willing to throw away a diamond in order to have a taste of butter chicken right now. He is a creep impersonating a Khalsa who needs to be exposed.

Stand up for yourself whatever the cost and expose him for what he is, at least to your parents. You owe that to the Sangat and to Guru Gobind Singh ji.

And when you have done that, have an ice cream cone on me. icecreamkudi

Remain in chardi kala!

icecreamkudi

harry haller · #44 (**permalink**) 01-Jun-2012, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chazSingh

Also Satnaam Harry Ji,

You do not put aside the advice and guidance in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji when un-comfortable situations are encountered. It is there to guide you through every situation in life.

If everyone in this world thought like this "might I suggest we skip his rehabilitation" then the world would be even darker than it is now.
The guru's came into the world to rehabilitate ALL of us. thanks god they never gave up on us.

And if Satnaam Penji truely believes this, they will both come out of this stronger and better people.

Chazji

Some quotes on the keeping of company, bearing in mind Guru Nanakji rehabilitated many, a marriage however is the highest of keeping company, if she wishes to rehabilitate this fraud, I suggest she does not marry him and concentrate on his rehabilitation instead.

ਸੰਗਿ ਕੁਸੰਗੀ ਬੈਸਤੇ ਤਬ ਪੂਛੇ ਧਰਮ ਰਾਇ ॥੨॥ संगि कुसंगी बैसते तब पूछे धरम राइ ॥२॥ Sang kusangī baisṯe ṯab pūcẖẖe ḏẖaram rā▫e. ||2|| When one sits in the company of evil people, then he will be called to account by the Righteous Judge of Dharma. ||2||

ਉਹ ਝੂਲੈ ਉਹ ਚੀਰੀਐ ਸਾਕਤ ਸੰਗੁ ਨ ਹੇਰਿ ॥੮੮॥ उह झूलै उह चीरीऐ साकत संगु न हेरि ॥८८॥ Uh jẖūlai uh cẖīrī▫ai sākaṯ sang na her. ||88|| The thorn bush waves in the wind, and pierces the banana plant; see this, and do not associate with the faithless cynics. ||88||

ਕਾਮੁ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਸੰਗਤਿ ਦੁਰਜਨ ਕੀ ਤਾ ਤੇ ਅਹਿਨਿਸਿ ਭਾਗਉ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ कामु क्रोधु संगति दुरजन की ता ते अहिनिसि भागउ ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥ Kām kroḏẖ sangaṯ ḏurjan kī ṯā ṯe ahinis bẖāga▫o. ||1|| rahā▫o. Sexual desire, anger and the company of evil people - run away from them, day and night. ||1||Pause||

ਕਰਿ ਸੰਗਤਿ ਨਿਤ ਸਾਧ ਕੀ ਗੁਰ ਚਰਣੀ ਚਿਤੁ ਲਾਇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ करि संगति नित साध की गुर चरणी चितु लाइ ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥ Kar sangaṯ niṯ sāḏẖ kī gur cẖarṇī cẖiṯ lā▫e. ||1|| rahā▫o. Always keep the Company of the Holy, and focus your consciousness on the Feet of the Guru. ||1||Pause||

ਹਰਿ ਸਾਕਤ ਸੇਤੀ ਸੰਗੁ ਨ ਕਰੀਅਹੁ ਓਇ ਮਾਰੇ ਸਿਰਜਣਹਾਰੇ ॥ हरि साकत सेती संगु न करीअहु ओइ मारे सिरजणहारे ॥ Har sākaṯ seṯī sang na karī▫ahu o▫e māre sirjaṇhāre. O Lord, let me not be in the company of the faithless cynic, who is cursed by the Creator Lord.

I cannot find any justification for carrying on this relationship with the concern being rehabilitation, I think to suggest someone marries someone like this because it is in line with Sikhi is pursuing an extremely dangerous path with questionable advice,

peacesign

Annie · #45 (**permalink**) 01-Jun-2012, 15:59 PM

It sounds like this husband to be is manipulative and selfish. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being treated this way every time he wants something? It's just my opinion, but I say get away from that man before it is too late, you can find a much better one.