All Talk No Action

Its all good stating that sikhism emphasizes the principle of equality and rejects discrimination on the basis of caste, creed or gender.But how many sikhs here actually venture out their community?
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CuriousCour ji

Please say a little more. Give us some examples from your experience. Talk a little more about what "venturing into the community" means in the sense of your question. I find your comments very intriguing.

spnadmin ji

Well im turning 22 in a week and a couple days.In my years walking this planet i have had two relationships, the second one being the on im in now.My former relationship was with an indian girl as is my current girlfriend.Basically in my last relationship (a couple years ago now) the parents got told at some sort of function that their daughter was with me.They humiliated her and made her feel guilt by saying the cliche; "look how your making us look", "your being selfish", "all what we have done for you and you repay us like this"..Well that was the end of that.Moving forward to my current relationship.It bears similarities in regards to sneaking around, being weary of who might see us in public.As people their different.Also her parents are unaware of us.The thing is i feel theres an undercurrent of hypricosy in the sikh community.People claim they don't discriminate and everyones equal.Yet their actions speak otherwise.What i mean by venturing out the community is if someone from the sikh community likes someone from a non-sikh community they won't even go there because of the problems that arise.Mainly from parents.Instead of rejecting people outside of the community because you fear the unknown, embrace them.But i also know that ethnic-minorities want to protect their culture because they feel its threatend.By people like me-half black half white.I just don't like how the world is so divided .Afterall i wouldn't be here if my white mother and black father didn't venture into uncharted waters.Strength is in numbers!

Principle of Equality does not mean that Sikhs should go and start inter marrying with non Sikhs.Sikhism is quite clear on this issue that a sikh should marry a sikh

I know but say a sikh guy started a relationship with a non-sikh girl.Would the principle of equality still stand? Where is it quite clear? Even if it is isn't it also clear that sikhs shouldn't drink alcohol or inhale tobacco?

CuriousCour ji,
I think part of the attitudes you encounter are due to fear. Parents become afraid that people not from the Indian culture are more likely to use their daughters and then leave them. If the relationship does not progress to marriage, the girl's reputation will be damaged and parents worry about the effects on her future. Marriage in Indian culture is also between 2 families rather than just 2 individuals due to the way the culture works. Marrying interfaith shatters this dream and changes the dynamic of the family quite dramatically. There is also the perception that if a child marries outside the culture they will become more distant from the from as they are rejecting their heritage.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/love-and-marriage/34747-all-talk-no-action.html
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=34747

I am not endorsing or justifying the attitudes I describe. However, understanding the issues makes it easier to adjust your behaviour to assuage the families fears. Family plays a major role in Panjabi culture. Having said that these are generalisations and may not apply to the families you have encountered. In theory it may seem it's not equality but life isn't so simple. We all have different cultures and it's about compatibility of different sets of ethics/morals/priorities to make things work. On a personal note my friends are literally from all around the world and all different faiths. When it comes to relationships I will only be with a Sikh (whatever colour he is) not because others are inferior but because no-one else would fit in with my lifestyle. The rules for friendship and relationships are different.
Good luck!

To be honest Religious Sikh Families also want their sons to marry within Religion .as far being clear is concerned it is written in Rehat maryada which every sikh should try to follow.Also Sikhism is clear that Sikhs should not smoke or drink alchohol.

findingmyway ji,

Yep i agree, fear of how to deal with someone outside their culture.Shouldn't parents address that fear instead of applying characteristics like; using and abusing to people outside their culture?Obviously i understand its tradition to marry within the culture.Any tradition thats altered in the slightest way takes you out of your comfort zone.But should who the daughter is with be about their reputation or her happiness?Thats true about the dynamic of the family I understand that point.My sister has been with an indian guy for 11 years.They have two kids.At first his family was unhappy about it, basically left him to fend for himselves.After a while they came round and my sister visits his family and his mum comes to visit them on a regular.I don't think they are rejecting their heritage because you can't choose who you fall for.

I know i know.You have made some good points.I feel that what the daughter wants is never at the forefront though.Its always the reputation and how the rest will look at them.The community doesn't put food on the table.But don't you think if you love someone its about making it work not fitting them in?Thankyou for your post

But it seems that not every Sikh follows that to the letter.This is where im having trouble understanding.Some people say aslong as you respect the religion.Others say it doesn't matter the colour, caste etc.Then theres the teachings that the gurdwaras are open to all.When it comes to marriage though they have to be sikh?