Marriage-Family-Acceptance

First off, thanks for letting me join this forum. I hope I posted it in the right place. I am hoping for some advice or opinions on this topic and I will try to keep this as short as possible.

I am a white girl that is currently seeing a Sikh male. I have no religion, but am open to, and not against it. I have gone and essentially fallen in love with this guy. I did not know in the beginning to ask about any cultural differences. Call me stupid or naive or whatever, but I grew up in a town of mostly whites and it was not until I moved that I started being around other races. BTW, I hope that doesnt sound racist or anything! I have nothing against anyone! Anyways, so, when we started seeing each other, I didn't know to ask about religion or culture or anything like that. About 1.5-2 months ago he started saying he had something to tell me but kept stalling on telling me. By then I had talked to friends who knew more than me about the different cultures and so I had an idea that he was going to tell me it was time for him to get married. The day came and he told me his family is pressuring him to marry and how he doesn't want to, but that he doesn't want to hurt anyone. We have grown to respect and love each other and we just get along so well, he is such a kind man. He left for India a bit ago and has plans to tell his entire family about me while he is there. Is there any hope at all for us to be able to continue on? What if I am willing to learn the language, religion and culture? Is there a steadfast rule against this, or does it depend on the individual family? He has said his family is not ''like that'' and probably would not care that I am white, but I am sure they probably have an East Indian girl in mind for him, ideally. This is heart wrenching for me.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/love-and-marriage/14889-marriage-family-acceptance.html
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14889

Any thoughts would be most welcome, and thanks for reading.

~Carrie


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first of all maximum welcome to the spn

there is no steadfast rule against marrying non indians.it truly depends on the attituide of the family.unfortunately majority of indians think that whites are characterless shameless persons so it is really hard for an indian family
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14889
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14889
to accept a white as their daughter-in-law.but if your boyfriend truly loves you then he has to convince his family about you.this is a real test for
your boyfriend's love.

Hi carrie, welcome to spn!

It's good to know what you're up against, you have realised that its not so easy for a white person to marry a sikh (or asian in general). Generally it does depend upon his family, whether they are more liberal or conservative. It is not rare for a white person to marry a sikh, in my family i have a few relatives who have married a white person and to be honest they have blended in perfectly with our family and are not seen or treated as outcasts. What you both need to get across to his parents is that it is not the colour of skin, or religion that matter, it is the fact that you are a nice person, deserve to be with him and i would suggest that he tries to introduce you to his family, and that they try to get to know you before agreeing to anything. They would be sort of meeting him half way. I feel sorry for you, because i understand how difficult it must be for you, but try to remain positive. Although the majority of sikh parents find it very hard to let their children marry out of the religion or somebody of another culture, i am sure if they are willing to atleast meet you and perhaps your parents they could try and let go of their unwillingness to allow you to marry into their family.n Once the fear has gone its a matter of dissolving the pride and stubborness. It's a difficult situation but nothing is impossible!
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14889
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14889
Take care, and best of luck with it I hope it all goes well for you.

Charan

Thanks for replying! It is very hard to know he is in India right now and that the outcome of this situation is not known to me. He told me that when he moved here, he was told by cousins or whatever, to stay away from white girls because they were 'no good', and he said now that he has met me, his mind has been changed about that; he can see what a good person I am and that I am his best friend

My other question is, before he left, I did not ask what he was going to tell his family about me. He is feeling so much pressure about this, I didn't want to stress him out even more. So, when he calls from India, should I ask what he is going to tell them, or just let him tell them in his own words? Should I tell him what I would like them to know? I want him to emphasize that I am open the Sikh culture and learning, that I would be happy to meet them all and that I do have true feelings for their son/brother/cousin, that this isn't just some passing thing. Should I tell him to tell them that before they decide anything, they should meet me? I think part of the point of going to India this time was for him to probably get married so their might not be time to meet me. If he is able to check his email there, maybe I should tell him I will write out whatI am feeling.

Welcome to SPN Maximum!

Anyways, its a real shame that this can happen, i really hope that this works out. Honestly, alot of converts and other people feel the same way, its just so hard to get into this community. One thing i would be aware of, is that regardless of learning another persons culture, language, religion, it wont really make a difference in the eyes of the parents. Your man that is india has already accepted you, from what i hear. There is no need to please the parents in this dicision, as it is you and your boyfriends life.

The thing is, as much as we like each other, I don't think he will go against his parents. So, I think it basically has to be, they are ok with it, or he comes back with a wife.

Well its always a good idea not to bottle up your feelings, as it can do alot of damage to yourself.

What are his parents like? Are they gursikh?

Can I ask a stupid question? What is a gursikh?
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=14889

He actually only has a Mother left and so the family is wanting her to have someone around to care for her while he is at work or away or whatever. He has asked me to come to his house and meet her before but I never did, as she does not speak English and I do not speak Punjabi. At the time I thought it would be awkward, but now I am thinking I could learn all these things.

gursikh means sikhs which are religious and devoted toward guru.generally they also wear turban and beard.