Why Do Some Women Play Hard To Get?
All the world's a dating game and all the men and women merely players. Men are taught to play hard to get in order to seem more attractive to women, while women, usually on the receiving end of the "pickup," are conditioned to be a
challenge, like a porcupine whose quills stand up on end when on the defensive.
Dating is a game and if it wasn't, it wouldn't be as much fun. If you've successfully dated every woman you approached, you might have one hell of an ego but in the grand scheme of things, you wouldn't have any fun. As aggravating as it is to pace around your living room, wondering whether she's interested in you or not, the challenge of it all makes dating more exciting.
So why is this woman never accepting a date or returning your calls? Well, she already knows but it's up to you to find out.
the pickup Exhibit A
She's at the same old bar with the same old friends, in her little miniskirt and halter-top. You see her from a distance and she's constantly looking your way. You approach her with your sinister glare and killer smile, and you even use the approach that has never failed you before. But for some reason, this fish ain't biting.
Verdict
Granted, she goes out dressed to kill with her guns pointing right in your direction, but that doesn't mean she wants you to approach her. She wants men to look her way and she would be upset if they didn't. But when men do gawk and approach, she doesn't want to be made to feel like a piece of meat. She's therefore going to be standoffish, unless you don't treat her like a mission of yours.
the call Exhibit B
You've beaten the odds and
gotten her number, but that's only half the battle; you haven't called and asked her out yet. You dial her digits and lo and behold, you get her answering machine. "Hi Sandy, it's Mark. I met you on Saturday night at Alley Kats. Just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing. You can reach me at 555-5959. Speak to you soon, Mark."
Two days pass and she still hasn't called you back. You call her again and happen to catch her answering the phone. She apologizes for not having called you earlier but she was busy, busy, busy.
Verdict
Why didn't she call you when she had the chance? The same reason you would play hard to get with her. She's playing her cards right, and doesn't want to look too available. She wants to be pursued and wants you to think she's calm and collected, even though her heart may skip a beat when the phone rings.
Remember that appeal and interest usually increase relative to the challenge involved. If she were available whenever you wanted, called you all the time, and slept with you after one night, you would lose interest quicker because the hunt is over. You have her in your back pocket, along with the home, work, cell, and fax numbers that she gave you. But if she keeps you guessing and doesn't tell you what she's doing Friday night after she declines your date, you're left intrigued.
the invitation Exhibit C
It's Wednesday night and you want to call her so that you can secure reservations at a trendy Moroccan restaurant, and impress her with your good taste in cuisine and atmosphere. She says she's busy on Friday night, and when you ask her about Saturday, she replies that she's taking her aunt to the airport. Is she busy for lunch? One day she has to take her cat to the vet and the other day she has to take her mother
shopping.
Frustrated and fresh out of ideas (you were close to suggesting driving her and her cat to the vet but decided against it), you tell her to call you when she's ready to do something (or at least consider it). She has your number -- you gave it to her 3 times, area code and all -- but still no call.
Verdict
If a woman has your number and has declined two of your invitations without mentioning the possibility of a future date, she's not playing hard to get; she's playing hard to never get. If she were interested, she would call you at some point or at least apologize for being so busy and give you a future possibility, like mentioning that next week is much better for her and that the two of you can go out then. If she's busy all the time and makes no attempt to keep the window of possibility open, it's clear she doesn't want to waste either of your time. Move on, game over.
the date Exhibit D
On the other hand, if she does accept your invitation for a date and the two of you secure the time and place, then you're still in the game, buddy. You take her to the Moroccan place you had in mind and everything is going great -- the conversation, chemistry and couscous -- you may just stand a chance with her. At the end of the night, you take her hand and lean over to
kiss her once you arrive at the romantic waterfall down the street. She pulls away shyly and walks the other way towards the car.
Verdict
Why the sudden disinterest? She may not trust you right away. She has either been hurt in the past, or her friends have been hurt, or she has heard her male friends boasting about how they succeeded to ditch a woman after having sex with her. Her distrust and intuition cause her to play hard to get with you. She doesn't want to get sucked into whatever game you may or may not be playing and she's protecting herself from getting hurt.
Men don't give women enough credit, and don't realize that even if a woman has had only the best of romantic experiences, she has a natural instinct, a sixth sense if you will, that you can't mess with.
So if she's proving to be more of a challenge than you anticipated, then she may just be testing the waters with you.
the relationship Exhibit E
Everything with you and the woman of your dreams is going great but she's still holding her guard with you. You want to go away for a weekend, but she's still hesitant about those plans.
Verdict
Although men are less likely to commit to a relationship, when they do fall for a woman in particular, they are usually surer about it than their female counterparts. Men aren't as likely to ask hypothetical questions such as "what if I meet someone at work?" and "what if she's not Ms. Right?" Women, on the other hand, ask themselves too many questions in order to figure out whether you're the man they have been looking for their whole life.
how do you plea?
Playing hard to get is part of the dating game, not to mention the part that makes it fun. And you shouldn't let her do all the playing -- when you're pursuing a woman, play the part of the challenge too. While she declines invitations and doesn't return your calls, you should make it clear that you're busy and have your own life as well. Once you show her that your life revolves around her (at least too early on), she will never want to be part of that world.
Both parties are armed with their rules and methods of playing the game, in the hopes of winning the ultimate prize. Once you know why women play hard to get, whether it's in order to be pursued, be cautious, or because they're simply not interested, at least you'll have the upper hand in the game and you'll know if and when to move on to the next player.
(
AskMen.com - Play hard to get)
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