Namjap ji,

Heartfelt thanks to you for posting this. I get it. And I feel less alone with my convictions since I read this post.

I still only wear Kara and read Sri Guru Granth Sahib and daily Hukamnama and am focusing in on remembering the name of God. I wear my Kara because the Guru put it in my heart to do so and it was a very personal decision. Most of the time it can't even be seen or noticed by others and is my own reminder to me where ever I am and whatever I am doing. I have purchased dastar cloth and practice tying it and I have also purchased a Kirpan. I am waiting for some Sunder Gutka and a couple of other texts in English I have ordered from India. The reason I don't wear the outer symbols of Sikhi yet is because I am not worthy to be a representative of Sikhi. I probably will never be worthy but for some reason I feel I should be more worthy than I am now.
See, this is all profoundly personal for me. The outer symbols, for me, need to be a sign of inner qualities and I would feel so much a hypocrit if I put on the outer before the inner substance was present.
I have sensed the things you spoke of when you said you had a sort of feeling of superiority when you first started putting on bana. I so much appreciate your honesty and humility about this because its very important to me. I like what Guruka Singh says about it when he says bana is something you should do for yourself, not for others. It is a reflection of your commitment, not to distinguish yourself.
As in all facets of life, the motivation behind an action is more important than most of us might realize. If the motivation is off kilter, then the action is hollow and cheapened. That's what I am so aware of and my love for Sikhi grows every day, as does my love for Guru Nanak, and the last thing I want to do is cheapen his message. I don't hesitate to wear the outer signs because I'm ashamed of what people will think -- I hesitate because I don't want to do it until I can back up bana with substance. When that time will come -- I'll leave that up to God.

Thank you so much -- sincerely.